


How to Forgive Someone; How to Forgive Yourself

by Sininho1975



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, F/M, Female Merlin, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Gwaine
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-20
Updated: 2016-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 09:15:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 21
Words: 60,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1341691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sininho1975/pseuds/Sininho1975
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Prince Arthur teachs a terrible lesson to his maidservant, a broken friendship is not the only consequence. Will Merlin be able to trust her best friend again? Will Arthur be able to cope with the terrible crime that he commited? Or will the future of Albion be lost forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction. English is not my mother language so, forgive me for mistakes I might had commited.

Arthur was fuming. He had tried to calm down after the council meeting with a bottle of wine from the cellar but it had no effect to subdue his temper. He was humiliated by the entire court, by his pairs, by his own father. All because he believed that he knew better than his King. That his visions of better ways for Camelot, even if slightly conflicting with some of the lords of the council were relevant enough to been heard, to be considered. How a fool he was. How could he see himself above men who cared for this Kingdom rules and regulations since he was a babe in arms. How could have he believed that he knew better than them, better than the King. It was all her fault. She, who always encouraged him to participate more actively of the meetings instead of act like a silent listener. She, who made he believe that he had to voice his thoughts and show the ways he thought were right, were best for his people. That by presenting a different point of view, he could correct injustices that sometimes the nobles could not see because they were not affected by them. That he could make them see where their policies were gapping. How stupid he was. He should have known better. How could he even have listened to her? 

Arthur entered his chambers in a rage. The alcohol in his system making all worse. She was just there, tidying the room without any worry in the world. It was not fair. 

“Arthur, how was the council meeting?” She asked without turn her face to look at him.

The prince closed and locked the doors. If Merlin were in fact looking to her master, she certainly would have tried to escape. But oblivious to his furious glare, she continued with questions and remarks.

“I guess they probably didn’t get very happy with your findings, those simple mind lords, but even they cannot deny the facts of …”

“SHUT UP!” yelled a red faced Arthur.

Merlin finally looked into Arthur’s furious eyes.

“Arth…”

“SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. How dare you speak like this of the royal council?”

“I didn’t wan…”

“I SAID SHUT UP!” Arthur shouted and walked towards Merlin grabbing her arms with force. “YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, DON’T YOU? That’s your problem. You are always talking, always wandering around things that are not of your concern.” Arthur continued grabbing Merlin’s arms, shaking the girl while shouting at her. “You made me look like a fool in front of the council. How could I let you convince me that my views of equality were right? How could I have heard you when you said that I know better than all of them, that I know better that the King?”

Merlin was scared now. The scent of wine in Arthur’s breath and his slightly slurred voice were clear signs that it would be better for her to stay quiet but still she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. “No Arthur, it was not…” She was silenced by a slap in her face.

“DO YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN TO STAY QUIET? You put my father against me. You made he see me less than any of the nobles.” 

“But Arthur, you are right. And you are better than all of them.”

“Your mother hasn’t ever taught you how to stay silent and to listen?” Arthur continued with a thundering voice. “My father gave me this lesson when I was a boy and I couldn’t stop arguing with him for anything. He berated me in front of all the knights, my future knights making me feel like a stupid spoiled little boy. Do you know how is to feel like that?” Merlin’s eyes were watering and she was out of words.

Suddenly Arthur face became more menacing. With a horrible smirk, his features became terrifying, his face contorting in an expression of coldness and evil. If Merlin was scared before, now she was terrified. She never saw such horrible expression in her friend’s face before.

Arthur was glad to see fear on her ocean blue eyes. “I will make you see how it feels to be humiliated, how to feel weak and powerless in front of those who you always sought for respect.” With brutal force, Arthur walked Merlin to his bed and tossed her on it. He grabbed her thin wrists with one hand and with the other he ripped apart her dress. 

“What are you doing? Stop Arthur sto…” Merlin was slapped again. She started to openly cry. She could not believe what was happening to her. Arthur, her best friend, her future King was going to hurt her so badly. “Arthur, please! This is not you. You are drunk … ” Another slap cut her lower lip and made her a little dizzy.

The feelings of defeat, of complete failure were stronger in his mind. The rash words of his father, the smirks and venomous remarks from the nobles of the council, it was only this that he could hear in that moment. He continued to tear her dress in pieces. Her thin wrists were now bruised by the force of his hands holding them tightly. When Merlin was almost naked under him, he started to fumble with his trousers. He had heard her incessant pleads, the tears welling in her eyes, the blood on her lips but he couldn’t stop. He had to teach her to stay quiet, to know where her place was. He had to make her feel like he was feeling, to hurt like he was hurting.

‘It’s the wine, he’s drunk. No, no. It must be a spell, an enchantment’ Merlin thought. ‘This is not Arthur.’ If Merlin was not so shocked like she was, maybe she would have used her magic for protection but the only instinctive reaction that she had when she sensed what was about to happen was scream.

Arthur quickly covered her mouth with his hand muffling her screams. With her hands free, Merlin desperately tried to escape but the bulk of Arthur’s body above her was too much for her frail body. 

Then he was inside her, felling her untouched internal barriers being painfully unravel by the strength of his manhood. She screamed into his hand. There were so much sorrow and pain at that muffled scream, but he still didn’t stop. He still wasn’t touched by her suffering. He was just willing to get to his climax. To end that torturous desire of conquer, of victory, of fulfillment of something. He was tired of feeling weak, tired of failing on answer all of his father's expectations, to be constantly been scrutinized by the royal council, by the nobles of the court. It was all her fault. She had deviated him of his true path, of his father’s lessons. Now she was paying for it.

Merlin suddenly became slack in Arthur’s arms. All struggle seemed to leave her. She stopped her screams; her arms were loosed on the bed, not moving. She was like a doll while Arthur was rocking his hips against hers. ‘It must be a spell. It must be an enchantment.’ It was all she could think while her eyes stared the canopies of Arthur’s bed.

Reaching his climax, Arthur spilled his seed inside of Merlin with a groan. He stayed quiet for some minutes and then rolled off of her. All was silent. He had sensed when his maidservant had ended her struggle. In that moment, he should have come to his senses and stopped his actions but with his bubbling anger and with an alcohol-clouded mind, the only thought that he had was that he had won. He had broken her. He had achieved his goal. He had humiliated Merlin. He had made her feel so vulnerable and weak like he was after the council meeting. But even with the tension and the rage leaving him now, he still couldn’t feel better. 

Without turning his eyes to her, Arthur climbed off of his bed and walked to his wardrobe. He bluntly changed his clothes and without a word, he left his chambers. He just had to get out of there.


	2. Chapter 2

Merlin remained quiet and unmoving. She could not feel or hear anything. Her eyes stayed open and unfocused. Her mind was blank. She stayed like this for a while until she felt an intense need to leave the prince’s chambers. Getting out of the bed, Merlin seemed confused for a moment when she realized that her dress was in tatters. It barely could cover her body. Looking around the chambers, she spotted Arthur’s old travel cloak, the same that he have asked her several times to get rid of. Her stubbornness paid her well. She grabbed the cloak and put it around her and left her master’s chambers by the service door.

After wandering around several corridors and stairs, Merlin found herself in the courtyard. She decided to walk towards the lower town. Merlin walked slowly for a while, her arms, wrists, face and thighs were hurting and she seemed to be limping. Her feet carried her to the door of Gwen’s little house. She let herself enter knowing her friend should still be in the castle attending Morgana. Merlin could not quite understand why she decided to go to her friend’s home. She just felt that she would be safe there away from prying eyes. Feeling tired, sore and utterly shamed, the young witch crouched in the floor of Gwen’s small bedroom, her back pressed to the wall. Silent tears fell down her face but she made no sound. She just stayed quiet, unmoving. Her mind in an incessant mantra ‘He was drunk. He didn’t mean it. It must have been a spell. It must have been an enchantment.’

Merlin was still in the same place when several hours later Gwen arrived. The dark skinned girl was humming to herself while she lit candles around the little house. When she entered her little bedroom and started lighting the candles in the room, Gwen was startled by the sight of Merlin crouched on the floor. She could see that the girl’s dress appear to be in tatters, her beautiful dark hair was a mess and her face was bruised and wet. But what scared Gwen the most were the young witch’s vacant eyes.

“Merlin ... what? Oh gods!” Gwen sat beside the young witch trying to understand what had happened with her friend.

“Merlin, you are hurt. What happened? Who did this to you?” Gwen received no answer of her friend. Trying to calm herself, Gwen took Merlin’s arms and gently guided her to her cot. She lighted more candles in the room in order to have a better view of her friend’s body. Merlin had bruises on her cheeks and wrists. Her lips were swollen and dried blood was under a small cut on the lower lip. Through the dress tatters, she could see purple bruises on Merlin’s arms, ribs and legs. And then her heart beated faster with alarm. Between Merlin’s legs, on her thighs, Gwen could see more dried blood. ‘No, this could not be happening. Not with someone so sweet and caring like Merlin. It was impossible.’ But a look in Merlin’s lost eyes were evidence enough of the cruel predicament of Gwen’s beloved friend. Someone had raped Merlin. 

“Merlin, you are hurt. I have to take you to Gaius, all right?” Merlin seemed not have listened to Gwen’s question. She continued silent, with unstoppable tears falling from her eyes.

“Come on, I will help you. You don’t have to worry. There is little movement in the town and castle at this hour. You will be soon in Gaius chambers.” Merlin followed Gwen’s guidance without struggle. The dark skinned servant tied better the cloak around Merlin’s thin body and took her hand. She could feel how cold the skin of the injured maidservant was. 

The walk from Gwen’s home to the court physician chambers did not take long. Through all the way Merlin remained quiet. This behaviour frightened Gwen because it was so different of the constant happy chatter of her friend. Seeing how lost Merlin looked like in that moment made Gwen wonder if someday she would see Merlin’s smile again. No, she could not think like that. Merlin would be fine... with time.

Opening the physician doors, Gwen guided an unresponsive Merlin into Gaius chambers. The court physician was taking a quick nap while sitting in front of his work table. 

“Gaius, Gaius, please, it’s Merlin.” The old man bolted of his slumber, eyeing the two figures that had entered the room. The sight of Merlin’s bruised and bloodied face made his heart stop for a moment.

“Come, lay her in the patient’s cot.” Gwen took off Merlin’s coat and laid the pliant girl on the cot and stepped aside to give space for Gaius examinations. Gaius gulped when he saw the state of his ward’s clothes. When he approached the injured girl to examine her body, Merlin stiffened and her breathing became laboured. Seeing her reaction to his approach and the despair in her watery eyes, Gaius went to his shelves and picked up a small bottle. “Gwen, please, could you give this potion to Merlin? It’s a strong sleeping draught. I need to examine her injuries but if I’m right about what I will find, I think that she will not allow to be touch by any men.”

“It´s all right Gaius, I’ll help you” said Gwen with a sad voice. 

Carefully, Gwen walked towards the cot and put the tip of the bottle on Merlin’s lips, encouraging the frightened girl swallow the contents. Merlin dutifully followed Gwen’s request and in few minutes she was in a deep sleep. Gaius didn’t waste time and tearing apart the remains of the girl’s dress, he started to examine his ward's body. “Gwen, I believe that you have an idea of what happened to Merlin, so I will not think badly of you if you do not want to be present during the examination. You have done already too much for her.”

“No Gaius, it’s all right. I will help you.” Gwen said firm, even with tears in her eyes.

“Did she tell you something about who could have made this?” Gaius asked while continued caring to Merlin.

“She didn’t say a word. I found her in my room floor curled next to the wall when I arrived home. She was silently crying but didn’t say a word. I never saw Merlin like this before.”

“I believe she is into shock. Based what I’m seeing, her physical injuries are not severe. Most bruises come from her struggle against her attacker. The bruises on her arms and wrists show that she was restrained only by his physical strength. Her face was hit with force but not sufficient to break her nose or teeth. She was sexually assaulted, there are signs of it, but the assailant didn’t inflicted too much physical violence.” 

“But ... what about the blood in her thighs?”

“That’s the worst wound that Merlin received. She was an innocent when she was attacked. Now she will have to live with the aftermath of such traumatic event. Her body will be fine, but I’m not so sure about her mind”, said Gaius with sorrow in his voice.

Silently physician and maidservant continued tending to Merlin, cleaning her body, applying salves on her bruises and dressing her on a fresh sleeping gown. With Gwen’s help, Gaius carried Merlin to her room and laid her on her bed. After arrange the blankets around Merlin’s thin body, Gwen sat on her friend’s side, carefully holding her hand.

Gaius sat on a chair next to Merlin’s little desk and could not take his eyes from his beloved ward. He could not stop thinking in who could have done something so terrible with such innocent and caring young girl. And why Merlin didn’t defend herself with magic? He knew that it was a risk, but her life was on stake. The assailant could have killed her. He sighed. Only Merlin could give the answers to these questions. He would have to wait for her to wake up and, hopefully getting out of her shock. 

Now, he would have to deliver the news to Prince Arthur who certainly would be heartbroken.


	3. Chapter 3

After leaving his chambers, Arthur went straight to the stables. He was hoping that a horse ride around the fields would help to sooth his wild thoughts. The wait for the stable boy saddle his horse was excruciating for the troubled prince but soon he was on top of his horse riding fast through Camelot gates and into the fields.

He tried hard to avoid thinking on the shameful events of the council meeting and its terrible aftermath but with no success. He could still hear the muffled screams of his maidservant in his head. He could remember of the tears in her eyes, her terrified expression, her incessant pleads. The way that she simply gave up the fight and went limp in his arms. No, he could not feel guilt about what he had done. He had to believe that what he had done was right. Merlin had to understand she could not keep acting like she was his equal or that she has any rights to speak his mind against the nobles of the court. She had to understand that she was not allowed to voice her opinions and to try to influence her master in subjects meant for ones of higher ranks to deal with. 

But he could not take his mind away from what he had done. He could blame the wine but even with a clouded mind, he still remembered that he could not look at Merlin’s eyes after he rolled off of her body. He could not forget the sight of blood on his cock when he got off from his bed. He could not forget the silence in the room while he changed his clothes. 

Arthur closed firmly his eyes for a moment and keep on riding until training time. The alcohol was already leaving his system and soon he would have to deal with the consequences of his actions. He got back to the Castle and with hesitation moved towards his chambers. When he reached the doors he stopped and took a deep breath before enter his room. There was no need to worry. Merlin was already gone. He walked to his bed and saw traces of her blood in his bed sheets. Tatters of her dress were on the floor.

He tried to give no more thoughts to the events of the morning and focused his attention in dressing for the training session. He asked for one of the guards in the corridors to call for a servant. A young man knocked in the doors few minutes after his request. Arthur ordered him to help with his chainmail and after to change his sheets, tidy the room and to come back later at night with his dinner and a bath.

Without any additional orders to give, Arthur left his chambers and walked towards the training field. All the way there was no sign that something off the ordinary had happened. The servants and guards that he crossed his journey to the fields were acting in their usual selves. But the prince was not feeling more confident by this apparent normality in the Castle. He strode fast to where his knights were gathered waiting for him with a confident expression but inside there was a turmoil of emotions. 

The training session was a perfect way for Arthur release all these negative energies. The rage, humiliation, pain and guilt were slowly leaving of his mind as he focused all these feelings on the training duels. It didn’t matter that he had not have lunch that day. His body seemed to have extra stamina and, like always, he was able to overcome all his opponents. It was invigorating. He finished the training with a satisfied smile on his lips and the assurance that he still was the best knight of Camelot and its most important defence. He could not impress the court on council meetings but in the battle field he was a King.

But his good humour didn’t last long. Once more, Arthur dreaded the moment he arrived to the doors of his chambers. He could have let his mind wandering away from the events of the morning during training, but he knew that there was no way to escape from what had happened, of what he had done. The prince entered his chambers to find his bed tidied, his floors cleaned and the basket of dirty laundry taken. The servant who had helped him earlier was just finishing to fill the bath tub with hot water. He assisted the prince off his chainmail and soon he was out the door promising to come back with the prince’s dinner. Arthur finished to undress and entered in the bath tub. The temperature was all right but not perfect like the baths that Merlin used to prepare for him. Merlin. Once again she had to torment his thoughts. He had not seen his maidservant again since morning. Until now, everything around him was the same with the exception of Merlin’s absence. Usually, she would be in the training grounds with him helping with the weapons; sharpening his sword and babbling nonsense until Arthur order her to shut up. But not in the cold way that he had ordered her that morning. He suddenly remembered of Merlin’s frightened eyes looking at him while he shook her body shouting cruel words. Eyeing the red of the covers of his bed, he remembered her blood in him. 

It was the first time that Arthur clearly thought about what could have happened to Merlin after he left his chambers. He didn’t look at her after the rap ... no, lesson. It was what he had called his vile act: a lesson. He was almost sure that he had not hurt her too much. He slapped her face, but without the strength necessary to break a nose or cause serious injuries. He was slightly drunk, his memories were not quite clear. He certainly remembered of holding Merlin’s with force but he was sure he had not broken any bone of her thin arms and wrists. He was only avoiding thinking about the blood. He knew well the meaning of that. His thoughts were interrupted by his temporary servant (or would he be permanent now?) with his meal. The prince quickly dismissed the man and got out from the tub. His night clothes were displayed on top of his bed. Arthur dressed himself and sat on his chair in front of his dinner. He should be hungry for having skipped lunch but as he eyed his food, he saw himself with no appetite at all.

In the dish were baked potatoes, tomatoes and a succulent piece of meat. The bloody juice of the meat led his mind once again to the image of Merlin’s blood in his cock. She was a virgin, an innocent, a maiden before what he had done to her. She was as pure as his beloved Guinevere. He remembered when Merlin had told him that his loved one had been taken to the Castle of Fyrien only to be threatened to see her brother die if she did not take the prince to Cenred and Morgause. He remembered how he had felt thinking on what that Cenred scum could have done to his Guinevere in the short period that she was at his mercy. And now he was thinking what a scum himself was. He stood up from the chair and walked towards his bed. He could not stop thinking about Merlin. Where was she now? How was she? His musings were stopped by a knock on his door.

“Enter.” 

One of the castle guards stood next to the open door saying that the court physician needed to speak to the prince as soon as possible. Arthur gulped and started to walk towards the door. Now he would have to face the consequences of his actions.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I should have mentioned before. This fanfiction takes place on the season 3, after the events of episode 7.

Entering in the court physician’s chambers, Arthur saw Gaius sat on a chair in front of his work table with a sad expression on his face. He knew of the love that the physician felt for his ward. She was like a daughter to him and now the prince could only brace himself for the terrible insults that he was about to hear.

“Sire, I’m sorry for interrupt your rest but I have grave news to deliver. It’s about Merlin.” Arthur stayed quiet, not expecting the gentle tone in the old man’s voice. “She was attacked today, I don’t know for sure the precise time when it occurs. She was found this night on Gwen’s house.”

Guinevere’s house? Arthur’s heart started racing for the implications of this news. If Merlin had sought help from Guinevere, his dreams of marriage with the dark skinned maidservant were doomed. How could he explain to Guinevere why he had raped her best friend? Wait! Was he so selfish that the perspective of losing Guinevere was his only concern in that moment?

Gaius seemed to take the prince’s haunted expression as a sign of how much the young royal cared for Merlin what brought more shame to the prince. The physician continued with the news. “She was beaten and ... raped by her attacker. We don’t know who it might be.”

“You don’t know? Haven't Merlin said anything?”

“The poor girl seems to be in shock. She didn’t speak a word since Gwen found her. She is sleeping on her room in the moment. She was not reacting well to touch so I had to give her something to put her to sleep so that I could examine her injuries” Gaius spoke with a sad voice, his eyes watering.

“She was reacting badly to your touch?”

“She flinched when I tried to touch her face. The same did not occur with Gwen so, I imagine that she is averting only male’s contact.”

“Is Guinevere still with her?”

“No, Sire. She did ask me to stay but I know that she have a hard work day tomorrow then I sent her home. And I know how difficult is to a sensible girl such as Gwen to watch the pain of the aftermath of a rape.” Gaius' voice was full of emotion and Arthur saw a tear fall from the old man’s eyes.

“Oh! I... I understand. You ‘re right.” The guilt and shame that Arthur was feeling was slowly eating his insides. “May I see her?” Arthur asked before thinking.

“Of course sire. But please, don’t disturb her sleep. It will be best to wait for her to talk when she is ready to do it.”

Gaius walked with Arthur to Merlin’s room. The prince took careful steps towards his maidservant bed. In the sight of Merlin’s bruised and swollen face and to her split lip, Arthur could not stop the tears that gathered in his eyes. How could have he done such a terrible thing to his friend? His best friend. How could has he hurt Merlin in such a painful way? He saw the marks of his hands on Merlin’s thin wrists. She had tried to fight him in the beginning, but her frail body had no chance against him. He was a warrior, a knight of Camelot. He was a coward.

Suddenly Arthur felt that he could not breathe. It was too much. He quickly gave his apologies to Gaius and run out of the physician’s chambers. His mind was filled with Merlin’s screams, her desperate pleads, her heart wrenching sobs. Gaius had not mentioned the worst injured inflicted to her. But he knew that he had taken her innocence in the vilest way.

Arthur ran all the way to his chambers, closing his doors with force. He saw that the dinner dishes were still on the table just like his surrogate servant had left them. The thought of another servant attending him on Merlin’s place was unbearable and Arthur in a fit of rage ran his arms through the table tossing the dishes and food on the floor. He wanted to scream, to take all the bitter feelings that were squeezing his heart. Guilt. There was so much guilt. And shame. How could have he ever thought that raping his maidservant was the best way to teach her a lesson? What kind of man abuses a frail and small young woman in order to teach her a lesson? And Merlin was small. She was so thin and only an inch taller than Guinevere. She was brave, one of the bravest person that Arthur had ever met. She never complained to be Arthur’ sparring dummy in training sessions even though she never was able to stand more than two minutes against the prince. But she always stood up and quickly was ready for more. 

And what kind of lesson did he want her to learn? How to be like other servants before her and act like a bootlicker? He always hated bootlickers. The fact that someone could see him beside his title was something he always treasured. And Merlin always saw him for himself, a man, not a prince. So, did he want to teach her to stay quiet and not voice her opinions when she saw something not right with his people? No, Merlin’s remarks, although irritating, were valid and made him correct wrong choices already taken or to prevent them to happen. It was her advices that made him correct his mistakes when he killed the unicorn. And her understanding and support that gave him courage to defy his father and not marry with Princess Elena. Well, the lesson could have been to her not to meddle with subjects that were not of her concern. But if she had not intervened in the poisoned chalice case, he would be dead right now. Or when his dear Guinevere was condemned as a sorcerer, it was Merlin's interference with the suspicion of a monster in the water system that had saved his beloved from the pyre. And all the times when he had not listened to Merlin almost ended in disaster like the fight against Valiant in the tournament with his enchanted shield or with her suspicions of Cedric have been possessed by an evil sorcerer. Or the troll that had became his stepmother for a few days. It always had infuriated Arthur the fact that Merlin had so much assurance of her suspicions in these cases. She was so secure of her acts. She never wavered in share her thoughts when she sensed that something wasn’t right. And the strange feelings that she had sometimes before something bad would happened, always proved right and saved Camelot.

And in that moment Arthur had discovered why he had lashed out at his maidservant as he did. It was not because she spoke with him out of order, with no respect for titles and etiquette. It was not because of her habit of interfere in affairs that she was not supposed to meddle with. It was not because he was drunk. The wine had been the fuel for his egoistical feelings. It was because he envied her. He envied her confidence in voice her opinions to people that considered themselves above her. He envied her bravery to stand up to defend what she believe was right. If their roles were reversed, she would never had lowered her head on the council meeting without defending passionately her beliefs. She wouldn’t feel intimidated by her King because she wouldn’t had been worried for her father’s approval. She would shown him who she really was, a grown up woman, not a stupid young boy afraid of his daddy like he had acted. 

Arthur’s lesson to Merlin was given because he was weak. He was a pathetic excuse of a prince who is more a puppet for his father that a future leader. He gave her a cruel lesson to make her see that he would never be the King that she so fervently believed he would become. And he was certain that he had achieved his goal. Merlin would never see him in the same way again. She would never speak with him or would work for him again. She no more would be his friend. He had betrayed her faith in him. He had broken her. 

With this sense of defeat, Arthur went to sleep that night. His dreams were plagued with frightful nightmares of him injuring Merlin, raping her, even killing her. And with the terrible words and accusations of his loved ones. Harsh words from Gaius, from his father, from Guinevere, from Morgana. He never had dread what a new day would bring like he dreaded his tomorrow now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My last chapter of the day. Hope you will like it. Thank you so much for your comments. I will answer all of them later. I promise!!! I expect to update soon!

Gaius stayed with Merlin for several hours in the night. He had read to her a children’s fairytale book, talked softly with her while she continued sleeping. It was so sad for the old man to see his dear ward in such state. He was worried about Merlin’s mental condition. As court physician, Gaius had attended to rape victims before. Sometimes the trauma was too great especially to young maidens. It was not uncommon for the victims to resort to self harming and sometimes suicide. He also remembered girls who became like hollow shells, so broken inside that they isolate themselves from the world. He could not imagine his dear Merlin in such a state. 

“Merlin, my girl. I know that it was terrible what happened to you, but don’t forget how much you are loved by your mother, by your friends, by me. Gwen is so heartbroken. She would be here with you if I had not sent her home. You are a strong girl. I know that you were hurt, but you are safe now. I will not let anyone hurt you anymore.” 

He remembered the prince reaction to what had happened to Merlin. 

“And Arthur. I never saw him so devastated before. The moment he saw you injured ... his eyes watered, he was so shocked. He really cares for you my dear. Whoever done this to you will have to fear the prince’s wrath. You don’t have to worry, my dear. We will protect you.”

Near morning, the old man was feeling tired and drained by the sad events of the previous day. He decided to sleep for a few hours. He gave a last look to his ward and left her room. He was oblivious to the fact that Merlin was not sleeping for a while. Through all the night, Merlin was in and out consciousness. She never opened her eyes. She thought that would be better to stay quiet in an effort to get her mind back to sleep and so run away from the memories of what had happened. In her awaking moments she could hear Gaius speaking softly to her. She knew that he wanted to touch her hand, to give her a hug but she could not allow it. She tried to make herself understand that that was Gaius, someone who was like a father to her. He would never hurt her. Never hurt her. Never.

But she remembered that she used to think the same about Arthur. Arthur would never hurt her. Maybe he would throw some object in her direction but she always knew that he never meant to hit her because his aim was always perfect with lances and daggers on training targets but not with cups and boots towards her. There was some horseplay either but that was just like their friendship was. Arthur would never intentionally hurt her. Never. He was drunk, she remembered the smell of wine in his mouth. Or could have been an enchantment, an evil spell. Some noble woman from the court must have slipped a lust potion in his cup during the council meeting. There were not many women with seats on the council, only the ones of very rich lands of the Kingdom and only as representatives of their lords. Usually these representatives were wives or daughters of the owners of the lands. It must have been one of them. Or some servant aiding an enemy of Camelot hoping to embarrass the prince. It must have been something like that. When she heard Gaius speaking of Arthur’s reaction at what had happened to her, the way that he had behaved, she knew that he would never hurt her unless he wasn’t himself, right? He was a prat for sure, but he has a good heart. He would never hurt her.

But a lust potion was created to lead his victim to believe being madly in love with someone, causing a compulsion for intimate contact with the alleged loved one. Arthur’s actions were not as like the ones of a man in love. He acted with hatred and violence. There were no words of love and tender touches. There were only cruel shouted accusations and painful slaps on her face. There were no kisses and hugs, only strong hands squeezing her wrists and arms. There were no care for her comfort and satisfaction, only the feeling of being ripped apart by someone that she always loved and cared like a sister loved and cared for a dear older brother.

Arthur had hurt her. With intention, by free will. If he had made such terrible thing, how could she trust in anyone else? Her mother always said to her to be careful around men. Sometimes what came out from their mouths was not the same thing that was in their minds. But she thought she knew Arthur well. They have been working together for tree years and a half. She always could read her friend right. How could she not have seen this side of him? This cruel side of him. But she remembered Gaius’ words about Arthur’s visit. She could not understand his reaction. Was he feeling guilty? Regret? If so, why he hasn’t told Gaius what he had done? Or it was all an act of the prince to avoid facing Gaius. These troublesome thoughts kept Merlin awake during the rest of the night. 

When the morning arrived, Gaius was making his and Merlin’s breakfast. The girl must have not eaten or drunk anything since the attack. He prepared porridge and a cup of camomile tea to calm her mind. When he opened the doors to Merlin’s room, he found her awake. She was lying on her side, facing the wall. She didn’t stir with the arrival of her guardian.

“Merlin dear, how are you feeling?” 

There was no answer.

“I brought something to eat. It’s porridge with lots of honey just the way you like it.” 

Merlin remained silent. She was not ready to face the world yet. She felt safer on her cocoon of blankets. 

“My girl, you have to eat something. Or at least drink the tea I made for you. It’s camomile.”

Merlin didn’t move an inch. Gaius was concerned with his ward's unresponsive behaviour. But he knew that the attack was too recent for the poor girl to deal with. She needed time to come to terms with all that had happened to her and he hoped that she would be fine. He knew his Merlin. The girl has endured so much since she arrived in Camelot. He would make sure that she felt loved and cared and that her friends would be there for here when she would decide to talk. 

“My dear, I will not press for you to talk. I know that you will do it in the right time. I’ll be in my work room, if you need me. But please, believe me that who had made this to you will be caught. If I know the prince, he will soon start an investigation and the attacker will have to face justice. You are safe now, my girl.” With these words, Gaius exited the room but not before he saw a lonely tear travelling from Merlin’s eyes to her nose and cheeks. 

Merlin didn’t know how to respond to her guardian. How could she tell him that it was Arthur who had hurt her? And about justice? Which justice could she have? Who would sentence the crowned prince for assaulting his maidservant, a worthless peasant? She wasn't a Camelot citizen. She came from Escetir, Cenred’s Kingdom. She could be a spy, someone working with the enemy to taint the prince’s honour. No, if she dared to say anything, she would be the one to be blamed and the one that would have to pay for a crime. No, it will be better to her to stay quiet. But Gaius was speaking about an investigation. No, this could not happen. If an investigation was to be demanded, Arthur may find himself cornered and Merlin had no idea what this could mean to her. She didn’t know Arthur, the real Arthur. He could blame her once more and Merlin had no strength to defend herself against him. No, there must be no investigation. Suddenly the witch left her bed and stood up crying out for Gaius.

The old man quickly was back to Merlin’s room to find the girl standing up and trembling but keeping her distance while pleading desperately to him.

“No, Gaius, please no. No investigation, please. No, no. No one must know. Please Gaius no” Her voice showed the amount of fear the girl was feeling.

“Shhhh, calm down Merlin ...” Gaius approached his ward trying to soothe the troubled girl but Merlin stepped away avoiding his touch and continued with her hysterical pleading. 

“Please Gaius, no investigation, please. No one needs to know, please, Gaius, please. Tell no one”.

“But Merlin, we must know who made this to you. This person is dangerous. We have to bring them to justice.” 

“No Gaius, please, no. No no no no no, no justice, no investigation. Please Gaius, please” The pleads became more desperate that the physician was afraid the girl would have a breakdown. Tears were dropping from Merlin’s eyes and Gaius felt his heart break.

“It’s all right Merlin. I’ll talk to Arthur and ask him to stop the investigation.”

“You promise? Please Gaius, promise me, please.” Merlin asked between sobs.

“I promise you Merlin. There will be no investigation.” 

“Swear to me, on your honours word. Swear that will be no investigation. Please Gaius, swear to me.” 

“I swear to you Merlin. There will be no investigation” declared Gaius with a sad voice. He never has seen his ward so frightened before.

Trembling, Merlin seemed to calm herself a little and quickly returned for the safety of her blankets cocoon, shielding her body and face from the world.


	6. Chapter 6

The first lights of the morning found Prince Arthur awake and sitting on his bed. He barely had slept that night and his stomach was on knots, if from the lack of food or from the remorse of his actions, Arthur didn’t know. With a deep sigh, the prince decided that was time to move. Once more, he asked for one of the guards in the corridor to call for a servant with his breakfast. In a few minutes, the same servant who attended the prince the previous day entered the room carring a tray filled with fruits, bread and cheese, and also a jar of water. The prince made an effort to eat at least half of the food. The servant helped him to his clothes and chainmail. Arthur would soon be on a routine patrol with his knights. 

“I need you to prepare my horse to this morning patrol. I will meet you in the courtyard in ten minutes. After that, you will clean my chambers and tonight you will attend me at my arrival” ordered Arthur. The servant gave him a respectful bow and left the room. The prince was impressed that no one had asked about Merlin’s absence, but he was certain that anytime soon people would notice the lack of his personal shadow, like Merlin always seems to be. He promptly dismissed these thoughts. He was about to leave in a patrol and he had to maintain his focus on his mission. It would not sound good if the crowned prince would be taken by surprise by a random group of bandits because he was distracted by his thoughts about his maidservant.

Although the patrol was scheduled to end around mid day, Arthur and the knights only returned to Camelot when the first stars appeared on the sky. They haven’t found bandits, sorcerers or any other threat in their way during the morning patrol. The prince decided that they deserved a break and they spent the rest of the day hunting. Arthur was glad to see his men having a time off of their rigid routine. After Morgana’s disappearance and rescue, the King gave strict orders to the knights to make regular and exhausting patrols around Camelot's lands to ensure that Morgause and others responsible for his ward kidnapping were brought to justice. His knights deserved a break. But Arthur knew deep down that the real reason for his act of kindness towards his men was currently reclusive in the court physician chambers. Arthur didn’t know what terrified him more – the prospect of his loved ones discovering his shameful act or to have to face his maidservant. He was sure that Guinevere, Gaius and Morgana would never forgive him for what he had done and they would made sure that he was punished for his acts, even if the punishment was to loose them. But the perspective of facing Merlin was something that he was dreading. Because by facing Merlin, Arthur would have to face the end of their friendship, the end of Merlin’s confidence in him, the end of her undying loyalty and trust. And in her angst and suffering he would have to face himself. He would have to see the consequences of his terrible actions on his victim. How Merlin would cope with the rape? Gaius had said that she wouldn’t allow being touched. Would she became a person unable to trust in others? Would she became a loner, a solitary woman? Had he forever erased that permanent smile of Merlin’s face? Had he extinguished that beautiful spark of light of her eyes? No, he could not think like this. Merlin was not weak, she would be better. She would berate him, scold him, end their friendship, but she would not lost herself. She would give him a lesson for life and he would receive it without fight. He would pay whatever punishment his maidservant would give him.

The evening saw the prince and his knights coming back to the Castle. After leaving his horse with a stableboy, the prince dismissed his knights and went to his chambers to clean and dress to have dinner with his father and Morgana. Like he had ordered, his surrogate servant was awaiting for him in order to help the prince with chainmail and clothes. When Arthur was almost ready for his dinner with the King, someone knocked on his doors. By the prince’s nod, the servant opened the doors to find Gaius in the entrance of the room.

“Gaius” Arthur said trying to read something in the physician eyes.

“Your highness, may I have a word with you? It will not take long; I know that you will be dinning with the King this night.”

“Of course, Gaius” Arthur still was eyeing the old man while dismissing his servant. When the chambers doors were closed, Arthur invited Gaius to sit.

“What do you want to talk to me about? It’s Merlin I believe.” Only years of hard lessons of emotion control with his father had aided Arthur to not show in his voice how distressed he was feeling. 

“Yes, my lord. It’s about Merlin. She woke this morning. She was very nervous and frightened, like expected.”

Now it was the time, the prince thought to himself. Now was the moment that he would have to answer for his actions. Gaius would be the first to punish him and soon would be a line in front of his chambers. 

“Arthur, I don’t know how to say it …” Gaius hesitated for a moment. His expression sad and sombre. Arthur’s heart was beating faster.

“Merlin asked me to not allow any investigation about what happened to her. She asked me, no … she implored me to interrupt any investigation about her assault. So, I’m here on her behalf to ask … to ask you to stop whatever procedure you already made in this case.” 

Arthur was speechless. He said the only word in his mind “What?”

Gaius took a deep breath and continued. “I know sir. I tried to persuade her to change her mind. I said that her attacker could be a very dangerous person. It would be wise to have them arrested but she was so distressed. I never had seen Merlin so frightened before. She made me promise her that the investigation would be ended.”

Arthur was still out of words. No investigation? No one to blame? No consequences? 

“Well, I do not know what to say.”

“I understand Arthur. I know how much you care about her, but I think that we will have to wait her coming to her senses again.”

“How … how is she Gaius? ”Arthur asked unsure.

“She is not well. When she woke up this morning she was quiet and unresponsive. She wouldn’t eat or talk to me. I tried to assure her that she was safe, but she continued silent. She only reacted when I mentioned the investigation to her. She started to scream and plead desperately to stop the investigation procedures. It was terrifying. I thought she would pass out for so much desperation.” Gaius seemed devastated for his ward's mental state.

Guilt was once again on Arthur’s mind. He should confess now to the physician that he was the one who had beaten and raped his ward. That he was the coward man that had attacked a defenceless girl and had took away her innocence. He knew that this was the right thing to do but he was so ashamed that he simply couldn’t say the words. He stayed silent with his thoughts until Gaius' voice was once again heard.

“I think that it would be better you ask the steward a new servant for now. Merlin is no fit to attend anyone and I don’t have any idea when she would be better. She is now hiding under a pile of blankets. Gwen has been trying to make her eat something with no success.” Gaius was silent for a moment. His eyes were downcast. He took another deep breath and continued. “If anyone points to Merlin’s absence, you can say that she is ill. It is what Gwen and I are saying to her friends. We are saying that she is not allowed to have visitors in order to give her some privacy in this difficult moment.” 

“I… I understand. I will talk to the steward and ask for another servant… Gaius, I …. I…”

“It’s all right Arthur. I understand. It’s difficult to see someone so full of life like her to be so withdrawn now. The only thing that we could do is to wait her to be ready to talk and we will be here to listen her. Now I’ll make my leave. I don’t want you to be late for your dinner. Good night Arthur.” 

“Good… Good night Gaius.” Arthur said closing his chambers doors. The prince put his back against the doors and let himself slide to the floor. He could not hold the tears that were gathering in his eyes. He let them fall. He was such a coward, such a despicable person. He was the best knight in Camelot, he had faced bandits, sorcerers, magical beasts. He had even faced a Dragon. But he could not face his own crimes. He could not phantom the idea of confess what he had done to Gaius that was like a father to him. To tell Guinevere and Morgana that he had torn Merlin’s dress in tatters and savagely raped her. To say to his father and his knights how he had taken the honour of an innocent girl.

His thoughts were interrupted by the incessant knocks of his servant reminding him of his dinner with the king. Arthur stood up and rearranged his clothes. He dried his tears and took deep breaths to control his emotions. Once more he impersonated the figure of the valiant and honourable Crowned Prince of Camelot, the one that one day would became, by Merlin’s definition, the greatest King of all times. 

What a cruel joke.


	7. Chapter 7

Camelot was quiet several hours before dawn. With the exception of the guards and a few servants, all the castle was in a peaceful slumber. Well, almost everyone. Merlin was awake and silently pacing while eating pieces of bread and cheese that Gwen had left to her in the previous night. Her mind was full of troublesome thoughts. All this because she had overheard a conversation between Gaius and Gwen that night.

_Flashback_

_Merlin was awakened by the sound of a plate being left on her side table with bread, cheese and a jug of fresh water. It was late in the night. Gwen must have just returned from attending Morgana and ready to get back to her home. But she still made a last attempt in the day to encourage Merlin to eat. The witch remained quiet, feigning sleep. With a sigh Gwen left her friend’s room leaving Merlin a little guilty for her depressive mood. She was silent for almost two days. Maybe she should apologize and eat something. She got up from her bed and slowly gave small steps towards Gaius room. Through the thin boards of her room’s door, Merlin could overhear her guardian and her friend talking._

_“She still hadn't eaten. I don’t know what else I can do for her.”_

_“You did enough Gwen. Merlin will come to her senses. She just needs time.”_

_“I hope so. I never saw her like this. Merlin was never one to hide from a threat. I never saw her so frail before” Gwen said with her voice filled with sadness._

_“I know my dear. She surprised me by asking to end the investigation. With the offender arrested she would not have to be afraid anymore. But her pleads were so full of panic that I could not refuse” stated Gaius._

_Merlin thought that she could make some effort to at least put something on her belly. They would be pleased by seeing her eat .She would apologize to them and calm them a little. Just that. She didn’t need to talk about what happened. They would understand. Before Merlin opened her door she hesitated when she heard her master’s name._

_“I imagine Arthur’s reaction to this” Gwen said._

_Merlin stopped breathing._

_”He was so withdrawn during dinner” Gwen continued. “He only spoke when the King asked about the morning patrol. Morgana tried to tease him, but he was so distressed. He didn’t wait the dessert and excused himself early saying he was tired.”_

_“I think that he was as surprised as we were with Merlin’s request. He was quite speechless when I told him earlier. For much he tries to denied, I know that he considers Merlin a close friend. So is not unexpected he’s so shaken by what had transpired.”_

_“But did he agree to stop the pursuit to Merlin’s offender?” Gwen questioned._

_“Well, like I said he was out of words for a moment. But he accepted the request. He even agreed to seek for a replacement for Merlin’s position while she deals with the assault. And he will tell to everyone who ask that Merlin is ill and will return to her work only when I give her permission to” Gaius stated._

_“Oh, that was so kind of him. Merlin surely will feel better without the pressure to get back to Arthur and the prying eyes and ears of others. Like you said, time is the best medicine.”_

_“Yes, indeed” agreed Gaius._

_“Well, I’ll make my leave now. I will come back in the morning to see Merlin. Good night Gaius”._

_“Good night, my dear.”_

_End Flashback_

Merlin remained alone with her thoughts after this. Arthur’s reaction to her request was disturbing her. She should feel relieved by not needing to get back to Arthur’s service for now. But it wasn’t only this that was bothering her. It was the façade that the prince was displaying to Gaius and Gwen. He had, in an act of “concern”, promptly agreed to stop the search for her attacker and, in a display of “kindness and care”, he would hire a temporary servant until his “sick” maidservant was on the mend and free to get back to work. 

So, even with all that had happened, the honourable Crowned Prince of Camelot had not permanently dismissed his maidservant. No, she remembered his words. He had simply taught her a lesson. How to be a silent and submissive maidservant. How to stay always in the shadows, never coming to the light. She was not worth enough to be heard or trusted. Her faith and loyalty to the prince and to Camelot were unwanted. Her support and dedication were unwelcome. She just has to lower her head and accept everything that would be thrown at her. Of course that this lesson was a private one because he didn’t mention it to Gaius or Gwen. The lesson was something only for Merlin and him to know.

And suddenly, Merlin’s depressive emotions changed to bitterness and anger. She couldn’t recognize in these actions and behaviour her so dearest best friend. Arthur had always acted with honour even when his thoughts were mingled with Uther’s mistaken views. He had defied his father in order to save his maidservant’s life, he had aided a druid boy to flee from Camelot, he had fallen in love for a humble maidservant, he had sought for the help of a Dragonlord to save his kingdom. How a man with so much courage and kindness could had raped his friend in order to make her a better worker? How could such an honourable man not to admit what he had done to her? Gwen had mentioned that he was withdrawn during dinner. Gaius said that the prince’s eyes had watered when the physician reported what had happened to her. 

‘He is so disturbed by what he had done. Yes, he is so troubled that he had continued with his usual duties like nothing had happened’ thought Merlin with disgust. ‘He even come to visit me and cried when he saw me sleeping. No, no. He had not cried. His eyes only watered. Poor Arthur, so concerned for his maidservant welfare.’ Merlin’s thoughts were getting bitter. ‘For how long will Arthur hold this act? How long until he demands for my return?’ She didn’t want to continue as the prince’s maidservant. The idea of returning to Arthur’s chambers was unthinkable. But Merlin had other problem. Her so called destiny. She could not continue to protect Arthur if she was not with him. And it was not just Arthur’s life that would be compromised for her absence. The lives of the entire magical population of Albion were depending of her success on aiding Arthur to became the Once and Future King. No, this was not right. Arthur could not be the honourable and valuable man of the legend. It was impossible. 

With a sudden resolve, Merlin put her shoes and grabbed her cape. She quietly left her room and Gaius chambers and walked fast towards the forest. She arrived on the forest clearing and called Kilgarrah using the dragon’s language. It was only a few minutes before the Great Dragon had landed in front of her.

“You call me, young witch.”

“Why do you say that Arthur is the Once-and-Future King?” Merlin asked without delay. 

“Yours and Arthur’s coming were foretold many centuries ago. Arthur as King will unite the lands of Albion with you by his side and together you will bring magic back to the kingdom.”

“Yes, I know the legend, but you did not answer my question. How do you know that Arthur is the one?”

“There are signs. Arthur was born of magic, and his birth preceded the Great Purge, when magic was outlawed and the Old Religion forbidden. And your birth sealed his destiny” said Kilgarrah solemnly. 

“So your evidences that Arthur is the king of the legend are the fact that he was born of magic and that his birth took place before the Great Purge? When Arthur was born the magic was not outlawed. Other children could had been born by magic either. Why Arthur? ” questioned Merlin.

“I don’t know why you are questioning me, young witch. Arthur shows all the marks of a future Great King. He may be young, but he already has all the values important to his future role: he is a natural leader, a skilled fighter and he is honourable, brave and has a kind heart.”

“Oh, but now you are mistaken” Merlin said with confidence.

“I’m never mistaken Merlin” said Kilgarrah outraged. “You are Emrys, I can feel your great power and Arthur is the Once and Future King.”

Merlin answered with a twisted smile on her face. “You are too vain to recognise that you are mistaken, but I’m sure that Arthur is not the one. He is not this valuable person that you are describing. He has no free will to voice his thoughts. He tries sometimes to act against his father wishes but in the end he always will follow Uther’s book.”

Kilgarrah sensed the distress in his kin emotions. “Merlin, had something happen to you? You never spoke about the prince with so much bitterness. You always saw him like a friend.” 

“Friend? That was a bad joke. But I will laugh with you.” Merlin started a nervous laughter. 

Kilgarrah observed the witch’ strange behaviour with concern. “Merlin, what are you hiding from me?”

“Hiding? I’m not hiding anything. It’s Arthur the one who hides his own actions. I’m not hiding. If you want to know, I will tell you.” Merlin seemed hysterical. “The crowned prince of Camelot, the valuable man full of honour and courage had decided with great wisdom to teach his loyal maidservant and dear friend a lesson in proper behaviour.” Merlin hesitated before continue. Her eyes were suddenly full of tears. “He had raped me” Merlin shouted to the Dragon. “He slapped me and torn my dress and he .... he ... he hurt me.” Merlin said defeated. She was sobbing now. 

The Great Dragon had no riddles to Merlin now. He was silently eyeing his kin, trying to find the right words to say. He could feel her sorrow and her anger. He recognized the feeling of betrayal in her heart. He once had felt the same way, when Balinor had called him only to be deceived by Uther. The evil King captured and chained him in the cave under Camelot castle where he had remained imprisoned for twenty years. But this sense of betrayal had almost consumed him. He would have destroyed the entire kingdom and hence destroyed the future Albion if Merlin hadn’t intervened. She had showed him the meaning of forgiveness and goodness when she spared his life even after all the deaths that he had caused. And now she was in front of him. Broken and full of sorrow and anger. He hardly could recognize the merry girl that he had known for almost four years. 

“Merlin, I understand you feel betrayed. But you cannot let this feeling take charge of you. You are strong Merlin. What the prince did to you was terrible. But he is still young and he will make many mistakes until he is ready to take his place on the throne. Don’t let one failure undermine your trust in him” Kilgarrah said.

Merlin wiped her tears and glared the Great Dragon. “Trust?” Merlin’s voice was filled with rage. “Do you think that after what he done to me, after he showed no remorse, no guilt for his actions, after he behaved like a coward by don’t admitting his so called lesson, do you think that I still trust him? Do you think that I believe that this loathsome man is going to be the Greatest King of this land?”

“You have forgiven me, Merlin. I killed innocent people and you still spared my life and forgave me” Kilgarrah argued. 

“You were betrayed by Uther. He had killed all your kin. You had suffered and were seeking revenge. I understood your actions even if I didn’t agreed with them. But I did nothing to deserve what Arthur done to me. I always was nothing but loyal to him. I would give my life for him and for Camelot. I lost dearest friends for him, Will, Freya, even my father. I never sought any recognition or prize. But even so he repay me, but with hatred and humiliation.” Merlin was shouting the words.

“Young witch, you must calm down and consider what you are saying.” 

“I had already considered. Arthur is not the Once-and-Future King and therefore I’m not Emrys” Merlin stated, voice full of emotion. “I don’t have a great destiny ahead of me. I am simply Merlin, a witch, a peasant and a citizen of Ealdor in the Essetir Kingdom. I never belonged to Camelot and I never will. I am free” Merlin said with pride turning her back to the Dragon to return to the castle. It was time to say goodbye.


	8. Chapter 8

The prince was awakened by the lights of the morning filling his chambers after the curtains were open by a servant. ‘Yes, my new servant’, thought Arthur, remembering his talk with the steward the previous night. 

“Good morning, sire. I am your new manservant. I have polished your armour, sharpened your sword, and selected your clothes. There is a slight chill in the air today, sire. And now, if you would allow me, I would like to serve you breakfast.”

The prince’s table were covered by several types of bread and a great sort of fruits. ‘How am I supposed to eat all that? Merlin would tease me to no end, calling me fat.’ He thought fondly of his friend but then he remembered that, after what he had done, they probably were not friends and their usual banter would not exist anymore.

“What's your name?” asked the prince.

“George sire, at your service.”

George, the new manservant, unfolded a napkin and placed it over the prince’s chest as he was sit in his bed. He gave Arthur a plate and a goblet.

“George, listen George, this is all very impressive. But I couldn’t possibly eat so much and have a training just after. In the future, I will be satisfied with bread, cheese and sausages” explained Arthur.

“Of course sire. What was I thinking? Please, I humbly apologise for my mistake. Do you want me to present myself to the stocks, my lord?” said George.

“The stocks? What are you ...? No, this is not necessary. Just clean my room and help me with my armour for this morning training” ordered Arthur, eyeing the manservant with suspicion. ‘Great, a bootlicker’, thought Arthur dejected. ‘Merlin would laugh her heart out’. Arthur’s thoughts were once again on his former maidservant. She seemed to be on his mind all his awakened time and, also in great part of his dreams, or better call, nightmares. This could not go on. Sooner or later, he would have to face her.

After breakfast, Arthur strode to the courtyard to begin the training session with his knights. He was not so well concentrated that morning hence it was better he supervise the training duels, making corrections when necessary. After an hour, while in training, he saw Morgana and Guinevere making their way toward the stables. Morgana always enjoyed rides and it was common to have her maidservant following her. Guinevere seemed upset. He could not see very well from the distance between them but he could saw that Morgana seemed to be happily chatting but her maidservant's face was sullen. The vision of his beloved Guinevere had put a lump on his throat. Gaius had said that Guinevere had tended to Merlin, trying to make the girl eat. Arthur couldn’t even face Guinevere. He turned his attention back to the training. He had to maintain his focus on his knights. 

Nearing half of the training time, Arthur spotted Gaius leaving the castle towards the lower town. With both Gaius and Guinevere out that meant that Merlin was alone in the physician chambers. There wouldn’t be a better time for him to face his maidservant in privacy. The prince called a half hour break to his knights. He traded a few words with his higher ranked Knight Sir Leon, and made his way to Gaius and Merlin chambers. He hoped she would not be too spooked by his visit. He only wanted to talk to her, to apologize for his degrading behaviour.

When he was in front of Gaius chambers, he took a deep breath and opened the door without knocking first. He was expecting to find Merlin still in her room, lying on her bed, silent to the world. What he didn’t expect was to find his former maidservant moving quickly around the room collecting books and some salve and securely placing them inside of a bag. She didn’t raise her head to acknowledge the prince arrival. 

“Gaius, I’m just finishing packing, I have to grab my book from my room but I will leave the staff with you and ... “ Merlin ceased talking as soon as her eyes met the prince’s. For a second her eyes showed fear but in a flash the emotion in them changed to something that Arthur had never saw in Merlin’s eyes before. Disdain. Merlin stopped her packing. She gave him a slight bow.

“My lord. I’m afraid Gaius is not here at the moment. Do you require something?” her voice was cold. Her deference false. 

Arthur saw that her face was still swollen and bruised. Eyeing the bag she was preparing, the prince could not hold his tongue. “Are you running away, Merlin? 

“Running away? Do I have a reason to flee? Have I committed a crime that demands my sudden escape from the castle?” 

“Anhh... no. Of course not” answer Arthur embarrassed.

“Well, sire. I’m not someone that runs or hides from their actions” Merlin said with a voice as cold as ice. “And so, I have to apologize for my previous depressive behaviour. I have to say that I was not prepared for the lesson that you so thoughtful gave me, hence my embarrassing reaction” Merlin said sarcastically.

“Merlin, I’m sorry for wh” Arthur was quickly interrupted by his former maidservant.

“No, no, no Sire. You do not need to be sorry. I’m not someone of importance. I am only a peasant, a simple minded girl. I was deluding myself to think that not all the royals were the same. You know, I always saw people for what they are and not for their titles or rank. Sometimes I make mistakes. Thank you sire, for showing me the real prince Arthur Pendragon.”

Her words had hurt him like a knife in his chest. “I’m not such a man. I know what I have done was wrong but I was not myself when I..” 

Once again he was abruptly interrupted by Merlin who started to take small and threatening steps towards the prince. “Oh, you were not yourself. Well sire, I do remember YOU grabbing my arms and slapping my face “ Merlin proceeded with careful steps. “It was YOU who tossed me in your bed and turned my dress in tatters” she was getting closer to the prince. 

“Merlin, I...” he tried to speak but her approach was silencing him.

“And it was YOU who raped me with a smug smile on your face. I remember all of it” Merlin stopped almost one step from the prince.

“Yes, Merlin it was me but I was not thinking straight. I wa”

“Were you enchanted? Had someone put a spell on you?” Merlin asked with a hint of anger in her voice. She waited a few seconds for an answer before she continued “You could say that you were drunk, I remember your breath of wine while you shook me and yelled at me. But you were not drunk enough to affect your ability to ride or sparring with your knights.”

Arthur was speechless. He never saw Merlin so angry before. The sarcastic tone that she was using in her words chilled him. He had just noted that as she was advancing to him, he was stepping back. 

“Yes, I know about your whereabouts after your lesson. You know how Gwen is. When she is nervous, she babbles a lot so, while she was tending me, she talked about random things and, of course, she had to speak about her beloved prince. It’s so sad that she is being fooled.”

“I’m not fooling her. I love her.” Arthur said offended.

“Of course not sire. You always treat her like a real lady. You never yelled to her or called her idiot or stupid. This treatment was always just for me. And I think that you never taught her a lesson like the one you gave me but I don’t know. If she say something that displease you and you are not yourself and – ” 

This time it was Arthur whom abruptly interrupted the conversation, once more grabbing Merlin’s arms with force while saying with a thunderous voice “I would never hurt her. I love Guinevere.”

Merlin’s reaction was instantaneous. “GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME” she yelled and with a quick help from her magic she was free from the prince’s grasp. “YOU WILL NEVER HURT ME AGAIN. DON’T EVER TOUCH ME.”

Arthur was so horrified by his violent reaction to Merlin’s speech that he hadn’t seen her eyes turning for a very brief moment a shade of gold. “Merlin, I’m sorry, please, I wouldn’t hurt yo –“

“Hurt me? You wouldn’t hurt me? Well sire, I don’t believe in you anymore. You are a liar and a disgusting excuse of a man. You are nothing more than your father’s pathetic shadow. And I should tell Gwen what you had done to me, the special lesson that you taught me but I cannot break my friend’s heart” Merlin had tears in her eyes. Her voice was full of emotion but steady. “I could never hurt her so much. And even you being the loathsome man that you are, you really seem to love her. I hope that is true. And I will not mention your actions to Gaius either. He always saw you like a son. He would be crushed if he discovered the truth. But I’m keeping your shameful deeds from them for their sake, not yours.”

Both prince and maidservant were silent for a moment. Both had tears in their eyes. It seems that all words between them were already spoken. There was nothing more of Arthur and Merlin’s beautiful friendship. 

Wiping her tears, Merlin got back to organize her bag. “I’m leaving Camelot. I cannot stay here anymore. I don’t want to be near you any longer.” 

“You don’t have to leave Camelot. I will take the distance from you. You will not have to worry” Arthur spoke with a weak and embarrassed voice, also wiping his eyes.

“Oh, thank you my lord. You are very kind but it will be difficult to stay away from you when we live in the same castle and my room is in the court physician quarters. So you see, I rather go” Merlin could not refrain to use her sarcastic tone once more. 

“But where would you go? You would get back to Ealdor? You said to me that Ealdor was never your home” the prince stated.

“Sire, I’m sorry to say that ... no I’m not sorry. I’m happy to say that this is not of your concern. I no longer work for you, your highness. And I am glad to know that you already have a new servant. I hope that this servant is better than me and that he or she will behave accordingly to your high standards. Now, sire, if you excuse me, I must resume packing.”

Before Arthur could say something the chambers door opened and Gaius entered the room with a package in his arms. 

“Oh, sire, good morning. I was not expecting you here so soon, sire.” Gaius sensed a sour mood from the two other occupants of the room. 

“He came for a salve to a training wound to one of the new knights. I took the opportunity to ask for my dismissal and make my goodbyes” Merlin stated lowering her head.

“Oh, I’m sorry for interrupt you. I may leave if you want it.” Gaius said already moving to the door.

“No Gaius” called Merlin. “We had already said all we needed to one another, right Arthur?” Merlin asked with a sad smile on her face. The prince wondered if that sad smile had a hidden truthful meaning.

“Yes, indeed. We already had said goodbye” said Arthur with a sullen voice. “I’ll get back to the training field.” Arthur moved to the door but Gaius stopped him.

“Sire, you are forgetting your salve” said Gaius while gathering a salve from his shelves. Meanwhile, Arthur was exchanging a last look with Merlin. In that short moment he could really see in her eyes all the pain and sorrow that he had caused her.

“Here, my lord” said Gaius, delivering the salve. 

“Thank you Gaius, Merlin” with a nod Arthur left the physician chambers. As the door closed behind him, a solitary tear fell from his eye. He had just lost his first, best and only real friend. He never felt so alone in his entire life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! I could not resist to put George in this fic!
> 
> I have to tell you that the next chapter would be posted only after this week. I'm taking my first exams this week so I have lots to study. Thank you so much for all the kudos and comments.


	9. Chapter 9

As soon as Gaius’s chambers door was closed, Merlin dropped on a bench with a groan. She crossed her arms on the table and put her head above them, hiding her face. She wanted to conceal from Gaius the turmoil of emotions that she was feeling inside. The confrontation with Arthur had been more difficult and painful that she had expected. She never had expressed her feelings in such raw manner. It hurt but it was necessary. Merlin could not leave Camelot without facing Arthur. He should be glad. His honour would remain intact. 

Gaius seemed to have a different understanding of the little that he had seen about Merlin and Arthur’s farewell. He saw the sadness in both faces.

“Merlin, my girl, are you really sure that leave Camelot is the best choice for you?”

“Yes Gaius, I’m sure. This place only brought me misery. I’m tired to fight Gaius. I’m tired to always give and get nothing in return besides pain. It’s always pain. It’s always lose something, lose someone. I cannot do this anymore. I cannot have the weight of Albion in my shoulders. I’m not that strong Gaius. I’m not this Emrys person who the Dragon and the Druids believe me to be” stated Merlin in a sad tone. She stood up and resumed packing.

“And about Arthur? You will leave him unprotected?” questioned Gaius. 

“Arthur knows how to defend himself, Gaius. He made it by himself for twenty years” said Merlin sighing. 

“But Merlin, you saved him more than once, and we also have the problem with Morgana....” Gaius was interrupted by his ward.

“I know Gaius. I know I had saved Arthur too many times in this last years and I know about Morgana’s threat, but I can’t do it anymore. Now I have to save myself. I know it may seem selfish but I have to go, Gaius. I don’t believe that my destiny lies in Camelot anymore. Besides, Arthur still has his knights and he still has you. If he starts listening you about the magical threats instead of to behave like a stubborn idiot he will be fine.”

“And about Morgana?” Gaius asked, raising his eyebrow.

Merlin took a deep breath before deliver an answer. “It seems that every time I intervened in Morgana’s plot I did more bad than good. The poisoning issue sent her straight to Morgause’s dark influence. And the crystal cave revelations led her to hate Uther even more. Everything I tried to do about Morgana ended in disaster. There are things I cannot prevent anymore, Gaius. I think that only Uther could save Morgana now” stated Merlin, walking towards her room, ending this topic of the conversation.

“If you say so...” Gaius sighed and looked his ward while Merlin returned from her room with her Magic Book. Gaius didn’t understand Merlin's sudden need of leaving Camelot. In his opinion, she wasn’t coping well with the attack and by running away she was hoping to feel safer. 

“I wish you could trust me and talk to me, Merlin. But I think that Hunith can help you more that I could ever do” Gaius hurt voice called Merlin’s attention from her packing.

“Gaius, please, of course I trust you. You know more about me that anyone else I ever met. It’s not about trust, I swear to you. I’m not ready to talk about what happened. And I need some time by myself to sort things out” explained Merlin softly.

“So, you are not going to Ealdor.”

“No Gaius, I’m not going to Ealdor. But please, do not worry about me. I’ll never let anyone hurt me like this again. I promise you this” Merlin’s voice was firm.

“Well, my girl, if I cannot make you stay, I still can give you a farewell gift” said Gaius while retrieving the package that he had brought from the lower town and extend it to Merlin.

With a small smile in her face, Merlin grabbed the offered package and started to rip the paper. Inside she found a new pair of boots. She turned her watering eyes to Gaius.

“Oh, thank you Gaius” said Merlin while changing her old and worn pair of boots for the new ones. 

“I thought that you are in need of a new pair for your travel. I hope that this boots lead you through a safe path” said Gaius with his voice full of emotion.

“They are wonderful“ said Merlin admiring her new boots that perfectly fitted her feet. Glaring Gaius, Merlin was overwhelmed by a feeling of gratitude for her Guardian. “Thank you Gaius. I want you to know that I always saw you like a father. I love you, my dear, dear friend. Please, take care of yourself” Merlin’s face was wet with tears. She extended her hand toward Gaius.

Gaius knew that Merlin was still avoiding body contact hence he could not hug her like he wanted, but he took her hand and gave it a sweet kiss. His eyes were also watering. “Goodbye my dear Merlin. Take care of yourself too.”

“I will, and please, tell Gwen that I love her too. I know that she will be mad at me for not had waited for her, but I have to leave now while the sun is high in the sky” said Merlin, retrieving her hand. 

With her pack on her shoulders Merlin walked towards the door and turned one last time to her Guardian. “Goodbye Gaius.” She gave him a shy smile and left. Gaius took seat in one of the benches and sighed, letting tears drop from his tired eyes.

In the courtyard, Merlin gave a last look to the tower where the court physician chambers were. There it was when all had sunk in. She was leaving her home of the past three years; she was leaving dear and special friends. She was leaving a failed destiny. She was leaving an important part of her life behind. Merlin would be lying if she said that she was not a bit scared. But she was also eager to find a new purpose to her life. A new place where she could be herself, without the need to hide all the time. Without have to lie to the ones she loved by fear of rejection and prejudice. With a renewed determination Merlin left the castle towards her new future beyond the lands of Camelot. 

In one of the higher windows of the castle, a heartbroken prince was eyeing the courtyard and silently saying goodbye for one of the most important people of his life.


	10. Chapter 10

After Merlin’s departure, Arthur became more withdrawn. He continued to perform all his duties – training the knights, random patrols, council meetings – but for good observers, it was clear that the prince’s heart wasn’t in any of these activities. The prince was always quiet, exchanging the minimum words when necessary. In the few occasions when Arthur had his dinner with his father and Morgana, he was always polite but silent. The King was a little distressed with this behaviour, but he could not say that Arthur had given him any reason for a reprimand. He was fulfilling his duties as Crowned Prince with diligence and had not spoken out of turn in the council meetings. Morgana seemed to be intrigued with this sulky Arthur and decided to pay more attention in her half-brother. But Guinevere, Gaius and even Leon were worried about their prince’s mood. And they knew well that the only explanation for this was Merlin’s absence. 

What they didn’t know was that Arthur wasn’t only upset because he had lost his friend. Merlin’s last words before leaving had a deep impact in him. He remembered of her accusations all his awakened hours. 

_“Well sire, I don’t believe in you anymore. You are a liar and a disgusting excuse of a man. You are nothing more than your father’s pathetic shadow.”_ Merlin’s enraged voice was permanent engraved in his mind.

_“It was YOU who tossed me in your bed and turned my dress in tatters”_ her voice continued furious _“And it was YOU who raped me with a smug smile on your face.”_

Merlin wasn’t in Camelot anymore but Arthur could see her everywhere he went. In the armoury, sharpening his swords, she would look at him with tears in her eyes. In the dining room, when she filled his cup with wine, her wrists displaying the purple bruises made by his strong hands when he had grabbed her. In his chambers, lying in his bed with a destroyed dress and a bruised face. And the prince’s nights were worse because in his nightmares, Merlin’s accusations were mixed with the treasure memories of her undying faith in him. Every night was the same. 

_“It’s more important that you live. You are the future King. I’m just a servant”_

_“You are a liar and a disgusting excuse of a man.”_

_“It’s been an honour serving you.”_

_“I cannot stay here anymore. I don’t want to be near you any longer.”_

_“I’m happy to be your servant. Till the day I die.”_

_“Thank you sire, for showing me the real prince Arthur Pendragon.”_

_“Well, I know you. And you’re a great warrior. One day, you’ll be a great king.”_

_“I don’t believe in you anymore.”_

_“It is your fate to be the greatest king Camelot has ever known. Your victory today will be remembered...by every age...'til the end of time. Just trust in yourself.”_

_“You are nothing more than your father’s pathetic shadow.”_

_“Just trust in yourself.”_

_“I don’t believe in you anymore.”_

Arthur woke every dawn gasping for air with the same terrible words shouted by Merlin _“I don’t believe in you anymore.”_

In those moments Arthur realized how much he had relied on Merlin for reassurance when he doubted himself. Unlike his father, Merlin supported him in every decision that he took. She was with him when he defied his father and set free a druid child. She was with him when he faced tests of value and honour after he had killed the unicorn. She had faced a dragon with him. She put her faith in him in the few days that he ruled in his father’s place and in the fight against Cenred’s army. Now that she was gone and after his shameful actions, it was becoming each day more difficult to believe that he would be a good king for his people. How could he? Merlin’s last words before departure were true. He was nothing more than a shadow of his father. And only a shadow. And what kind of a man abuses a defenceless girl? How could a man like that make a vow of protect his people? His maidservant was his people too. And instead of look after her, he had assaulted her.

As the days went by, Arthur continued to question himself. But he started also to think over Camelot. He loved his land and his people. He had dedicated all his life for his Kingdom. Some people believed that the prince had fought hard to be the best knight of the realm just to satisfy his father's wishes, but they were wrong. Of course that Arthur liked to please his father, but his major concern always was Camelot. For Camelot he had faced the Alfanc, the Questing Beast, the Sorcerer Sigan, the Dragon. He had drunk poison for Camelot (well, he believed it was poison). He would do anything for his beloved Kingdom. But, if he was not worth of Camelot, would it be best for his land to have him abdicated his title? It was not a question with an easy answer. He was the Crown Prince of Camelot, the sole heir of the throne. There was no one else to take his place without setting his Kingdom in a war for power. No, Arthur loved Camelot with all his heart. He could not let his peoples at risk. 

_“I don’t believe in you anymore.”_ Merlin’s words still echoed in his mind. 

“I don’t believe in me anymore either, Merlin” Arthur muttered to himself. “But for my kingdom and for my people, I will change that. I promise you that I will become the leader, I will become the man that you always said I would be. And if you someday could believe in me once more, I will believe in me either.” 

He would become the king that Camelot deserved. He would be fair, he would be strong and he would be wise. He would not be only a copy of his father. He would fight for his beliefs and for his people, all his people, peasants and nobles alike. He would not be a puppet anymore. He would be the King that Merlin once believed he would become. But first, he would have to prove his value. He would have to restore his honour. 

Almost a month after Merlin’s departure, the prince awoke early to a day that would mark his life forever. It was the day that he would give the firsts steps in his journey to restore his honour and self-respect. It was going to be one of the most difficult days of his life, but his will was strong. He would never run away from his mistakes again. He had set higher standards for himself and in the name of his beloved Camelot, he would reach every one of them. 

He had everything set. The many hours that the prince had expended on the royal library had been valuable. His request for a special audience with the king was granted although Uther didn’t understand why his son had asked the attendance of the court and of his knights as well. But as the prince hadn’t showed in the past weeks any rebellious behaviour, the king decided to consent with his request.

In the agreed time, the throne room was filled with knights, members of the court and royal council and a few servants and guards on duty. Morgana was already seated in her place beside the King’s throne, with Guinevere standing behind her. Arthur was standing up in front of the thrones waiting for his father's arrival. He could see Gaius in the front row with Geoffrey by his side. The prince was pleased to see that the keeper of the royal library had followed his instructions and had brought with him the documents that Arthur had researched. When the king arrived, all room was silent. Uther strode through the gathering crowd straight to his throne. He eyed all the nobles and knights before speak to his son. 

“Arthur, you requested this meeting hence you have the word” said solemn Uther.

“Thank you, You Highness” answered Arthur. He took a deep breath before speak to his audience. “Father, about three years ago we all were gathered in this same room when I was declared the Crowned Prince of Camelot. You and almost all the people present here saw me making vows of allegiance to Camelot for as long as I shall live” the prince made a short pause. “I also pledged my life and limb to the service and protection of the kingdom and its people.” 

“Yes Arthur, we all remember the ceremony and what happened after it. But I’m sure that you did not requested this audience only to share memories, so haste your pace” said Uther impatiently. 

“And I will father. Sire, lords and ladies from the court, my fellow knights, I came in front of you to say that I failed you all. As Camelot’s Crowned Prince I failed in representing all her people in the council meetings and in their protection. I had not only just failed in their protection, I am also guilty of purposely attack and injure one of my subjects.” 

The nobles of the court were murmuring among each other. The knights seemed puzzled. The prince continued with his public confession.

“I attacked, beaten and deflowered an innocent and frail girl because I was angered with myself. And after my evil deed, I left her by herself and acted as nothing had happened.” Before continue with his revelations, Arthur searched for Gaius' eyes. “Later that day, when her family came to me to ask for help, I pretended to be surprised and let them believe that I would search for the villain. I was too coward to confess my crime.” Arthur lowered his eyes when Gaius' face turned from astonished to enraged. 

The prince turned his face to the thrones. Morgana seemed to be caught by surprise. Before face his father, Arthur gave a quick look to Guinevere and he could see tears of disappointment in her eyes. Shamed, Arthur turned to his father. The king’s face was red with anger and the prince could sense that his father was going to put an end to his disgraceful act. But Arthur hadn’t finished yet.

“I came today in front all of you to confess my crime and to pay for it. In this past week, I researched in the royal library all Camelot’s laws to acts such as mine. I was displeased to find out that the punishment for nobles that commit such crimes is rather light in comparison with the penalty for a commoner. As a member of the royal family and sole heir of the throne I have to set an example to all the people. Hence, I ask for myself the higher penalty already given to a noble regarding a crime such as mine. Geoffrey, please, read the document with Lord Roderick’s punishment” said Arthur turning to Geoffrey. But before the old man could speak, the king’s enraged voice filled the room. 

“Arthur, what’s the meaning of this nonsense? What are you trying to achieve with this shameful spectacle?”

“Your highness, my only purpose is to regain some of my honour. I failed with Camelot by not acting as a fair and merciful prince. I lied and deceived not only people that I have as my subjects but also as my friends in order to escape the consequences of my actions. I didn’t act with the dignity and bravery of a future leader. Therefore I present myself now to my punishment. Please, Geoffrey, carry on” said Arthur with his head high.

“Si...Sire, for assaulting Lady Brenin, a young maiden of sixteen years old, daughter of Lord Brenin of Deira, Lord Roderick was sentenced to fifteen lashes with a braided whip and a month in the dungeons” Geoffrey finished with an astonished expression, the same of all the court members and knights.

Arthur knelled in front of his king and resolute asked to his father. “Your highness. The crime that I commited requests a punishment. My position as Crowned Prince doesn’t give me the right to take by force or by any other disgraceful manner the innocence of a young woman. As your son and your sole heir I ask you to allow me to be punished for my deeds. I hope that this punishment and my future actions may restore some of my dignity and honour.”

Uther was fuming. He had to stop this indignity fast, but with a crowd as your audience it was difficult to scold the prince.

“Arthur, I will talk to you in private in the adjacent chambers. The court will remain here waiting for our return” demanded the king with a grievous voice.

The prince stood up and followed his father towards the adjacent chambers. He was expecting for this. When the room doors were closed, the king started demanding. 

“What are you doing, stupid boy? Do you want to bring shame for the Pendragon’s name?” 

“No father, I want the opposite. I want to restore my honour and my family’s name. I had tainted it with my disgraceful actions and now I have to face the punishment” stated Arthur with calm.

“Punishment? Punishment for what? You slept with a virgin girl, this is not wise, but is not a crime.”

“No father, I didn't sleep with a virgin girl. I forced myself to her. I raped her. Of course that such act demands a punishment” stated Arthur.

“And this girl, is she a noble one? Who is she?” asked the king.

“I will not tell you who she is. For the victim of my actions, I can only give her the anonymity. Her name will not be stained by gossip and mockery” answered Arthur.

“This is not about gossip, you fool! This girl could have made your mind. How do you know she had not used a lust spell on you? You are the Crowned Prince, the best bachelor of the Kingdom. This could be a plot to force a marriage” Uther argued.

“No father, there was no lust potion or spell. The girl doesn’t intend to marry me. In fact, she hates me right now. She is a victim. An innocent victim. Therefore I have to pay for what I done. And you should be glad that, as a noble, I cannot receive the same sentence of a peasant, who would have to pay with his life for such an act” said Arthur with an ironic voice. “I made a public confession, father. You have no choice. You have to order my punishment. And the flogging has to be done in the courtyard. It is the law. ”

“Stupid boy, you are a fool to believe that a public confession and a public penalty will gather you the people respect. They will only see a weak man that couldn’t keep it in his pants” scolded Uther.

“Yours beliefs and mine are different father. I want the people to know that I’m willing to answer for my mistakes. That I will not run away from my actions. I will show that my vows to protect my subjects were not just rehearsed beautiful words. They were true” defended Arthur.

Uther was furious. His son's public confession and his honest request for punishment left no room for the king. He would had to condemn the prince and give him the appointed sentence if he wanted to save the Pendragon’s name. Vexed, the King returned to the throne room with the prince a few steps behind. With a closed of expression, Uther’s thunderous voice announced the punishment of his son to all court. 

“Arthur Pendragon, prince of Camelot, for the attack and rape of a defenceless girl you are condemned to the higher penalty given to a noble for such a crime. I sentence you to be flogged with fifteen lashes and one month in the dungeons. The first part of your sentence will be fulfilled in half an hour. As you confessed your crime and had not opposed to your penalty, I will not require the guards to escort you. You will be expected in the courtyard in the agreed hour. The meeting is over.” The king offered his hand to Morgana and together they left the throne room. The astonished court left the room after the king. With a nod from the prince, the knights followed them.

Arthur was not alone. He knew that two people had remained. Guinevere have not followed her mistress. She took hesitant steps towards Arthur and stoped right in front of him. She eyed him with her eyes full of tears. Without saying a word, she slapped him. She could not believe that the man she loved could have done such a horrible thing. Silently sobbing, she left the room. Arthur followed her with his eyes until he met Gaius eyesight. His expression was grievous, his eyebrow raised in a scold gesture. 

“I’ll tend to your back in the dungeons, my lord” with that, Gaius also left the room.

Arthur was standing by himself in the throne room. His heart was beating fast but he was not scared. The physical pain and the cold and silent days in the dungeons were the easy part of his punishment. The worst penalties had no stated period. He had just lost the woman that was the love of his life and the respect of the man that always was his true father figure. He took a deep breath and left the throne room. He would walk towards the flogging post with his head high. He had learned his lesson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like this chapter.  
> Merlin's sentences about the future king came from the episodes "The Labyrinth of Gedref" (01-11), "The Moment of Truth" (01-10), "Le Morte D'Arthur" (01-13) and "The Tears of Uther Pendragon: Part Two" (03-02). I don't own Merlin.


	11. Chapter 11

“Well, well, well what we have here? It’s not a lad, it is a lovely girl!” an evil looking beard man spoke to his fellows. “Looks like we will have some fun, boys!” 

“Yeah, yeah, I would love to...’ic’... to join you, such hanso...’ic’... handsome men. But ...’ic’... I already have an a ...’ic’... appointment” said Merlin, slurring because of her drunk state. With her mind hazed by the alcohol she still could sense that she was in danger. How could she be so stupid? One month by herself and she still had not learned how to avoid trouble. 

When she left Camelot, Merlin’s only thought was to be as far as possible from the kingdom. She walked for many hours with no certain destination, only stopping to rest or to make a quick snack. Her first night on the forest was quiet. On foot, Merlin wasn’t so far from the castle. She still recognized her surroundings for the numerous hunting trips and patrols with the prince and the knights. She gathered some wood to make a fire and lay on her bedroll staring the sky. It was a beautiful night and, although, Merlin had not a clue to where to go, she wasn’t particularly afraid. In truth, leaving her sorrow aside, Merlin was feeling a little thrill by her not predetermined future. Now that she believed that she was not Emrys, Merlin once more had no answer to her internal puzzle. What was the purpose of her gifts? Why had she so much power? And there in the forest, just having the moon, the stars and the annoying bugs as companionship Merlin, for the first time in her life, questioned herself about the need to have a purpose to her gift. Why have her magic had to have a meaning, a hidden reason to exist? Different of sorcerers that had sought the knowledge of magic, Merlin had born with it. For this, she always thought that it must to have a reason to it. But if was she mistaken? If was there no meaning, no stated purpose to her gift? She hadn’t asked for it. Her mother didn’t know why her daughter was born like this. If there was a reason, wouldn’t she had born in a druid camp or in other magical community, with people who would have the knowledge and the understanding to guide her? Why someone with an important role to perform in the future would be born a peasant in a small village? It didn’t make a sense. 

‘So, was I really mistaken all this time? Could my wish to be special have have sent me to the wrong path? Should have I stayed in Ealdor with my mother and Will? How my life would had been if I had never left the village?’ These questions followed Merlin’s thoughts through all the night until the morning. ’There are people who born into nobility. There are people who born into royalty. There are people that born peasants. But they all are people. If I never believed that people are more or less valuable because of how they born, how could I have believed that I am some kind of a saviour or an avenger or a special being only because of my magic? Maybe things were simpler than that. Maybe it was “the chance” that made one born as a prince, another as a slave. Uther and Arthur do not deserve the role of rulers of a Kingdom, but they are. Lancelot should have been made a Knight, but he had not born as a noble. Chance have made him a peasant, just like me.’ Seeing things through this light made Merlin believe that what makes someone special or not, someone with an important role to play or not was their own actions. Lancelot was not a Knight but he was honourable and brave, and he had played an important role in Camelot’s history by defeating the Griffin and saving the prince. And all because he had wanted to fight, he had chosen to do it. ‘So is this the answer that for so long I have wished for? By chance I was born with magic, but my own choices will define my future. Well, this is a good arrangement.’ Smiling, Merlin had a quick breakfast and after, she packed her bedroll and put down the fire. 

“Where should I go now?” Merlin talked to herself. “If I have no special reason to exist, I will let the chance guide me for once. Yes, until I find my place in this world I have a new philosophy. May luck choose my path”, and with that Merlin started her journey.

Five rainy nights later, Merlin was cursing luck. She was tired, hungry and soaked to the bone. This new life of hers wasn’t starting well. Her plans to leave all “to chance” were literally drowned by the downpour that was falling in the land for days. ‘I cannot live like this. I have to find a shelter. But where?’ She could look for an inn in some village but she want to save her few coins in more important things like food. ‘If only I could find a safe cave to hide and have a good and dry night? … This is it. A cave, of course. My father’s cave! It was well hidden and kind of cosy and if luck would be for once by my side, nobody would have discovered it yet.’ 

And Merlin finally had a place to go. The travel to Balinor’s cave only took more two days since “the chance” had previously leaded Merlin into the path of Escetir. In her way, Merlin hadn’t any encounter with bandits or Cenred’s random patrols hence her mood lightened a little. And luck was really by her side because Balinor’s cave had remained untouched by intruders. When Merlin entered the cave, her heart was beating fast. She remembered the first time she was there, full of hope and expectation to meet the man that Gaius had said was her father. And, like magic, the cave had remained the same. She still could see a makeshift bed, a plate and cup carved in wood, a knife and some books. And it was really magic that had kept the cave hidden , Merlin could sense it. Balinor must had enchanted the cave against unwanted intruders in his absence but how Merlin could break it, she didn’t know. Maybe it was her magic, maybe it was her heritage. She could still feel her father’s presence in that place, even one year and a half after his death. With her mind full of bittersweet memories of Balinor, Merlin had a peaceful and dry night. 

It was almost two weeks since Merlin had left Camelot. With her mind in survival mode, always concerned with vital things such as food, heat and protection, Merlin had no time to think about the events that had leaded her to self-exile. Her days were filled by the hunt of rabbits or other small animal edible to eat. She also spent her days gathering herbs to flavour the meat and sweet berries as dessert. Her nights were spent in the practice of her magic. But once a routine was established, Merlin couldn’t stop her thoughts to wander to the ones that she had left behind. When she ate her berries in her bedroll, she remembered of Gwen. Both girls had made a habit of ending their less busy days, chatting about the last gossips of the castle while devouring sweet berries. When she went to gather herbs, she remembered of her beloved guardian, with his smelly potions and long explanations about its uses. And when she hunted, her mind instantly reminded her of the hunting trips with Arthur, how she always had complained about the killing of innocent animals and how the prince always had retorted about her inability to stay quiet and not chase away the prey. In those moments it was so easy to forget all the bad things that had happened. She still could see herself living with Gaius and serving the prince. But then, the memories of that horrible day came crashing and Merlin’s mind was once again filled by anger and pain. 

Merlin’ sleep was plagued by Arthur’s betrayal, her rape, his cruel words towards her, or by images of the suffering of her loved ones in the castle, Morgana’s evil smirks, Camelot under a dark fog. She always awaked up with a feeling of defeat and guilt. Was she been selfish when she left Camelot? She may not believe in the prophecy of the Once and Future King, but she knew that the kingdom had a traitor among them and soon Morgana would strike again. And what would happen with Gwen, Gaius and all her other friends? What would happen with Arthur? After her nightmares, Merlin hated Arthur more that she thought possible, because even with all of what he had done to her, she still was concerned about him. And she felt guilty by had left him without her protection. But how could she blame herself for this? Arthur had hurt her. He had destroyed their friendship. He was the one who should feel guilty. But years of true friendship and companionship were not so easy to erase. 

Nearing a month of her departure from Camelot, Merlin found herself too sick and tired to leave her shelter made home. She had a difficult night, feeling indisposed. She had vomited her dinner and the berries that she had collected during the day. It was not the first time that Merlin had food poisoning. It was a risk when you ate not properly cooked meat or mildly rotten fruits. In order to take her mind away from her stomach, Merlin decided to read some of the books that she had found in the cave. Several were about useful spells like the one that made her able to sense the presence of other people in the surrounding area, or the one that help finding hunting preys. Merlin had also found a book about dragons and dragonlords that seemed to be written by Balinor. While she turned the pages, some papers fell from the book. Merlin gathered them and discovered that the papers were letters that his father had written to his mother and never had sent them. 

With trembling fingers, Merlin grabbed a random letter and started to read it. 

_Dear Hunith_

_Six months since my escape and I’m still on the road. The few travellers that I find in my way had spotted Uther’s patrols in their path, what means that he hasn’t forgot me yet. I think that he still fears my dragonlord powers even with the last dragon imprisoned under Camelot’s castle._

_I pray that you are safe. There isn’t a day that I don’t think of you. The memory of your touch, of your scent, of your tender kisses is what gives me the strength to carry on. As soon as I find it safe, I will send you this letter. I am certain that I will find a place where we can be together once more. Uther’s evil influence cannot reach all Albion. He may be powerful today, but his evil deeds cannot last for long. Don’t lose your hope yet, my beloved._

_With all my love_

_Balinor_

Merlin picked out other letter. 

_Dear Hunith_

_It’s hard to believe that Uther is risking a war against Escetir only to have me arrested. It is been two years since I left you and Ealdor and I’m still hiding from his knights. I still have not found a safe place to us. It’s difficult to believe but Uther’s views of magic have surpassed the borders of Camelot and I cannot trust in anyone. The people is so frightened by Uther’s mad speeches that they see evil magic everywhere. Innocent people is arrested and killed every day. Men, women, old or young are judge and executed without any proofs._

_I cannot forgive myself for having trusted in Uther and called for Kilgarrah. I was so blind. My dragon friend must despise me now, with reason. I betrayed his trust and allowed his imprisonment. If Kilgarrah was free, we could have destroyed the King and his Knights and ended with so much pain. I always believed that war was not the answer to settle disputes but I’m changing my mind. Sometimes, Hunith, I think of gather a group of magic users to form a army and fight back. It’s so easy to let your mind wander to violent thoughts when you are feeling defeated and betrayed and alone. It’s so easy to forget that in a war, both sides have losses._

_The only thing that grounds me is the memory of you. You have no idea of how many letters I have written to you since our last time together. To write to you is what makes me sane. It’s like I could talk to you. It’s like you were here by my side and I was not alone anymore. I love you Hunith dear._

_I miss you_

_Balinor_

_Dear Hunith_

_Uther won. There is no safe place for people like me anymore. The Old Religion is dead. Even if I put in motion my dreams of gathering an army of magic users, there are no more magic users left to fight. There are no more priestesses and healers. The few Druids that remained are living hidden on the woods .The magical creatures of Albion are being slowly killed. The Great Dragon must be as alone as I am. The solitude is what I deserve._

_My beloved, this is my last letter to you. I lost all the hope of having you with me one day. It’s been more than ten years since I last saw you. My memory had betrayed me and I cannot remember well your beautiful face and your sweet voice. All was taken from me, and I think that I deserve it. I betrayed my kin. I betrayed magic._

_Hunith, I love you more than you can imagine. This love is what made me stay away from you all this years because I would never forgive myself if Uther’s wrath fell upon you because of my selfish need to see you again one more time._

_I hope that you find a new love as big as mine for you. I hope that you have beautiful and merry children just like the ones that we dreamed to have someday. I hope your life be full of joy._

_And I hope you don’t hate me for never coming back. I hope you forgive me for wanting to forget you. Because to have you only in my mind with no hope to have you for real, it is killing me._

_Goodbye_

_Balinor_

By the end of her reading, Merlin had tears in her eyes. There were many other letters to read, but this last one had shaken Merlin too much. Now she understood well all the bitterness that her father had showed on their first meeting. She could see why it was so difficult to him to aid Camelot against the Great Dragon. To help Uther against Kilgarrah. She now regretted the cruel words that she had spoken to her father because of his refusal to help.

_FLASHBACK_

_“Gaius spoke of the nobility of dragonlords! Clearly he was wrong!” stated Merlin._

_“Gaius?” Balinor asked._

_“Yes.”_

_“A good man” stated Balinor._

_“Yeah. I was hoping you'd be like him” answered Merlin._

_END OF FLASHBACK_

Merlin had left her father that day with a feeling of disappointment and sorrow. She had thought he was a cold and bitter man, insensible to the suffering of others. She had compared him to Uther. But this was not true. Balinor could never be like Uther because he was not really a cold man. He had suffered so much for so many time that he had given up. He thought that there was nothing outside for him anymore. He had believed that he no longer had a future. Just like she felt sometimes. 

‘Is this my future? Would I become so bitter and indifferent to others because I am afraid to suffer more?’ But her father had changed his mind. He decided to help Camelot because of Gaius's friendship. Merlin thought about her dreams. Were her nightmares a kind of message to her not to forget the ones that she had left behind? Her responsibility not as Emrys, but as someone that could really make a difference? ‘Why had I read these letters? I should had left the past behind. This is supposed to be a new life, a new opportunity to happiness’ Merlin cursed herself. 

‘I have to get out of here. I have to find a place where I can buy some mead and get stupidly drunk’ Merlin decided. She quickly changed her dress to a tunic and trousers. She made a tight braid of her hair and put her cape with the hood hiding her face. She remembered of the inn that she and Arthur had slept on when they were searching for Balinor. It was a good place as any to get drunk and forget her sorrows.

And it was exactly because of this that Merlin found herself trying to stay stand up in front of three evil looking men and failing miserably. 

“Did you hear, boys? The lovely girl here already has an appointment” said laughing the ugly evil looking man number 1. Merlin was having difficulty to distinguish one evil looking man from another evil looking man. The other two ‘Or are four?’ laughed as well. Merlin was having double vision.

When the three men decided that there was too much talk and it was time to have some real fun, a hoarse voice stop them.

“I believe the girl had said that she already have an appointment. So, would be good to you to leave her alone” said a man with a short beard and an amazing hair. Merlin could not see who he was because the three or six evil looking men were barring her view but she was certain that she had heard that voice before.

One of the men that were threatening Merlin turned to face the owner of the hoarse voice. “And why will be good to us to leave her alone? You think that you could stop us?” The other two men also turned, looking more menacing. Merlin thought that now that no one was paying attention to her it was a good opportunity to find the exit door. But she was actually seeing two exiting doors.

“Well my friends, I not thinking anything, I am simply stating it” answered the other man. 

“So you are a fool” said one of the menacing men directing his fist towards the other man’s face who easily dodge it and returned the punch successfully. The other two men entered the fight but neither of them could defeat Merlin’s brave saviour. The fight was ended faster than the tavern owner could fill a tankard of mead. 

“Merlin, my princess, this is the second time that I rescue you from drunk ugly men. I would greatly appreciate a change of scenery” said the brave man.

“Gwaine? Oh, you never …’ic’… said tha… ‘ic’… that you had a …’ic’ twin bro… ‘ic’…ther!” said Merlin trying to keep herself standing up once again. 

“No sweetheart. There is only one of me and I think it is enough” answered Gwaine, laughing of Merlin's drunk state. The girl was eyeing him funny. 

“Gwaine? How … ‘ic’…is your ha …’ic’… hair always …’ic’… shining if you … ‘ic’… live on the road? Mine… ‘ic’ is always …”ic” a mess.” This time Merlin could not keep herself stand up anymore and promptly fell on Gwaine’s arms, losing consciousness. 

“Well Merlin, it is always a pleasure and an adventure to see you again”, said the handsome man, gathering Merlin is his arms in bridal style.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. This chapter was difficult to write!


	12. Chapter 12

Gaius was silent while tending the prince’s back. The fifteen lashes have left deep lacerations in the skin and although he had lost a lot of blood and was obviously in pain, Arthur still had the strength to stand up from the floor where he had succumbed after the ninth lash and walked slowly but by himself to the dungeons entrance. There, he could not hold up any longer and were helped by the guards who held the prince and gentle took him to his cell where the court physician was ready to attend him. The old man had to sew the man’s skin in several deeper lashes and, usually he had Merlin or Gwen to help him in this task. Merlin was not around anymore and the last time that Gaius had seen Gwen was in the throne room, after Arthur’s confession. Hence, working by himself the task had taken more time to be completed. After finish sewing the deeper lacerations, Gaius put some honey on the prince’s back to help with the pain and prevent infection. 

“Try to remain still to allow the skin to heal faster. I will be back tomorrow morning to check the wounds and put more salve and honey” Gaius stated while gathering his things. His voice was cold and distant. 

“Thank you Gaius. You done more than I deserve” answered Arthur, from his cot.

The physician didn’t reply but, as he was leaving the cell, he paused and turned to the prince.

“Why are you doing this, Arthur? Why did you hurt her?” Gaius couldn’t hold himself any longer.

Arthur took a deep breath and winced. “I could say I was furious after a disastrous council meeting and get middle drunk. I could say that I saw Merlin as the reason to my disagreements with my father and the royal council. I could say that I decided that she needed a lesson about property and respect and ... and I gave one to her. In the most cruel manner.” Arthur made a pause. Wincing in pain, he continued with a frail voice. “All of this is true, but, deep inside, I was envious of her Gaius. I guess I always was. Of ... of her self-assurance, her confidence. The way that she never coward herself against people that see themselves above her. The way she fights for her ... for her own beliefs.” Arthur’s voice was low and he once more winced when tried to maintain his head slightly elevated to face Gaius. “In my selfishness and pride, I tried to take all these amazing qualities from her... I tried to make her fear to voice her opinions, I humiliated her, I made her feel weak and powerless ... I tried to break her.” Arthur quieted down for long minutes that Gaius had thought that he was done. But the prince continued with a pained voice. “The only thing I succeed breaking was the truest and purest friendship that I ever had. My only achievement was destroying something that I thought it would be impossible before, Merlin’s faith in me.” 

During all his ordeal, from his confession to his brave and solitary walk towards the whipping pole, through all the fifteen lashes and his slowly walk towards the dungeons, Arthur had not shed a single tear. But now, Gaius could see the prince’s eyes filled with them. “Gaius, the moment that I found Merlin packing her things, the moment I saw her leaving the castle and Camelot...” Arthur stifled a moan of pain...”... I had lost everything... I had lost my best friend, I had lost my most enthusiastic supporter, I... I had lost my guide.” Arthur made another pause. Gaius wanted to stop the prince’s explanations because the effort to speak was taking a toll of his injured body but Arthur continued. “But what had hurt me most was that I wasn’t the only one who had lost someone so valuable... Camelot had lost her too. She... she was that nagging voice always calling my attention when I was about to do a stupid thing.” The prince gave a low chuckle from this memory. Wincing once again he continued. “I cannot say how many times her unsolicited and irritating advices had saved this kingdom. The Unicorn, the Afanc, the Troll, Morgause... When... when she left, it was like I had lost my own conscience.” 

Once more, Arthur had to pause to take deeper breaths. Gaius imagined how excruciating the pain in his back must be. “You asked me why I’m doing all this.” The prince made a small gesture towards the doors cell and then his back. The movement made him give a short yell of pain. 

“Your highness” Gaius stated. “Maybe this is not the right time to...” He was interrupted by the prince. 

“No Gaius. It’s the right time... When I found Merlin packing her belongs, she confronted me. She put me in my place.” Arthur swallowed. “She said cruel words, she was ironic, she was merciless... She said all that I deserved to hear.” The prince made a small pause, his eyes distant. “But she was also kind and generous enough to not reveal the truth to Guinevere and to you. She was concerned about your reaction and your health.” Arthur eyed Gaius for a moment. “And although she didn’t believe in me anymore, she still could see how true my love for Guinevere is.” With his eyes full of what seemed hope, the prince continued. “So you see Gaius, with all my degrading actions, my cruelty and coldness, I still couldn’t break her.” He put a small smile in his face. “She no longer has faith in me, but she still is the same brave and kind and wise young woman that came to Camelot three years ago. She is hurting now, I am sure of it, because I taken something from her that cannot be replaced.” Now his eyes showed shame, but soon this expression turned to pride. “But I know that she will not be taken by sorrow and bitterness. Because she is the strongest person I ever met... And for her example and for the good of this Kingdom, I will become the man that she once strongly believed I would be.” He winced again, but continued with a voice full of emotion. “And I am starting by showing my people that their prince is not above the law... I have to show them that I am not perfect but I will never coward again from my mistakes. ...I will make them trust me by my own actions and beliefs.” He paused. His voice faltered a little. “And maybe one day, Guinevere will see me with her heart full of love again... And, Gaius, maybe one day, I will get your respect back. ... And maybe, just maybe, I will be able to see Merlin again, with a pride smile on her face.” Arthur finished with tears rolling down his face. 

Gaius had never seen the prince opening his heart like this. Arthur was always so closed off about personal feelings. Uther had taught him since he was a young child that show his emotions was to show his weaknesses. That no man was worth of his tears. That he was never allowed to show fear or doubt. And Arthur had always pushed himself to measure up his father expectations. And now, here he was, the Crowned Prince of Camelot, laying on a dirty straw made mattress in the Castle dungeons, with his back covered in lashes, baring his heart to the court physician. And in all this misery, what was most noticeable to Gaius was a young man full of guilty but also full of hope. A young man with a remarkable strength, ready to face whoever and whatever were necessary to become the best leader that Camelot ever had, and the greatest King of all Albion. And all this because of a humble servant. 

The old man approached the prince and put his hand on the exhausted man’s head. “Sleep Arthur. You must rest now for you to have a faster recovery. I’ll bring a new draught for the pain tomorrow morning. Sleep well, my boy.” Before leaving the cell, Gaius saw a little smile on the prince’s face and soon after the young man was sound sleeping.

After have reported to the King the prince’s health state, Gaius went to his chambers. Guinevere was there, waiting for him. She said no word, just eyeing the court physician, expecting him to speak.

“He will be fine, Gwen. With a ruined back and lots of pain, but he will be fine. He is resting now. I believe that we will meet a new Arthur after his time in the dungeons.” Gaius said.

Gwen only nodded with her head and after giving a quick kiss in Gaius cheek, she left the court physician’s chambers. Gaius sat in front of his work table for a while, lost in his thoughts. When Arthur confessed Merlin’s rape, the old man was shocked. He quickly understood his wards fears and her need to departure. If a look could kill, his gaze towards the crowned prince would have him dead instantly. Gaius had never felt such hate towards anyone like he had felt in that moment. But Arthur’s following actions let the court physician astonished. Instead of making excuses, the prince demanded to be punished for his crimes in front of all the court and the villagers of the lower town. And later, his pained confession to Gaius made the old man more confused. But before he could give more thought for the matter, a deep voice came to his mind. 

_“Gaius”_

_“Kilgarrah! How do you...”_

_“I don’t have time to explain. The future of Albion is at risk. Meet me in the clearing where Merlin used to see me. You know where it is.”_

Gaius was bone tired but the Great Dragon had never sought him before. Usually was the opposite. The physician shouldn’t had been surprised. The last events were drastically changing the tides of time away from the prophecy of a Great Albion.  
It had taken almost one hour for the old man to arrive in the clearing. The Great Dragon was already waiting with an annoyed expression. 

“Before you complain, you must remember that I am not young as Merlin therefore is much more difficult to me to come here” Gaius stated preventing a scold from the dragon.

“Time is the essence of our problems now. Merlin’s departure from Camelot was not expected. Arthur is too vulnerable now without his magical protector. The young sorceress is failing her destiny” Kilgarrah stated.

“I believe her destiny failed her before. I’m sure that Merlin had already stated her reasons to you” said Gaius irritated. 

“Yes, she did. But her feelings are irrelevant to her mission. She cannot let her selfishness lead her away from her path. She must ..” The dragon was interrupted by an irate Gaius.

“Irrelevant? What Arthur done to her had made her lost all her faith in him. She no longer believes in her destiny or in the Druid prophecy. And how dare you to call her selfish? After all that she already have suffered for Camelot. You are really an unconsidered stupid giant lizard like Merlin called you once” yelled Gaius. 

“You have no right to speak to me like this. You are only a pathetic old man who betrayed your friends to save your own skin” Kilgarrah responded with a mean tone.

“And you are a bitter creature who killed hundreds of people and almost destroyed the kingdom that Merlin fought so hard to protect” argued Gaius in the same tone.

Old man and dragon faced each other for a few moments before the dragon started to speak once again in a more polite manner. 

“This discussion is fruitless. I understand Merlin’s reasons and I know she have a right to doubt the prince but this change nothing. Arthur still is the Once and Future King and Merlin is Emrys, his greatest protector. Without her by his side, Arthur will not become King. We must make both of them realize this truth.”

“I think that, in some way, the prince already knows. He confessed his crimes against Merlin in front of all the court and demanded to be punished. He received fifteen lashes and he is, in this moment, locked in the dungeons where he will remain for one month, according to his sentence. And even in great pain after I tended his injures, he said to me a few hours ago that he will make everything in his powers to gained Merlin’s trust once again and become the man that she once believed he to be” Gaius explained.

Kilgarrah was silent for a while. Gaius kept waiting for a reply with one eyebrow raised. After a few minutes, the Dragon’s voice was heard.

“That was unexpected. Maybe Arthur’s mistakes and Merlin reaction had an important role in the prophecy fulfilment. But this doesn’t change the fact that the prince remains vulnerable against magical threats and with the witch so close to him, his life is in great danger.” 

“I know. But I don’t believe that Morgana will make an attempt against the prince’s life while he is imprisoned. It’s more likely that she will take this opportunity to ill advice Uther against his son. I am currently more concerned with Merlin. She is alone out there and although she is powerful, she still is too naive for her own good” voiced Gaius. 

“I will keep an eye on the young sorceress. She is well and she is not alone. In the meantime, you keep yourself vigilant about the prince.” Before continued, Kilgarrah turned his eyes toward a big rock and sent on it a magic fire. After he finished, all was left in the rock’s place was a small red stone, similar to a jewel. “Take this stone with you. If you need to contact me in the future about Arthur’s well being, you must hold the stone near your forehead and call my name. I will respond you and we will gather here once again. Fare well Gaius. The future of Albion depends of us now.”

And without wait for an answer, the Great Dragon left. Gaius took the red stone in his hand and after a quick inspection, he save it in a hidden pocket and turned towards the castle. He had a big responsibility ahead and he would not fail again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again for all the kudos!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear readers  
> I apologize for the long hiatus. I was studying for the semester final terms. Now, I can get back to this story that I’m loving to write.

For any outside observer, Gwaine was just a drunken wanderer, an incorrigible philanderer, a bum without a worry in the world. It was a rare occurrence when someone saw him beyond his appearance and rough behaviour. In fact, in all the years he has spent strolling through tavern to tavern on different Kingdoms, just one person had looked at him and seen more of what was in the surface. And this unique person was Merlin.

After a hilarious bar fight and a short conversation in the morning after, the tiny and clumsy young woman had saw him like someone worth enough to be her friend. Proof of this fact was she saving him of a night in the cells after he had lots of drinking and eating in Camelot’s local tavern without a coin to pay for it. And then, sharing with him the penalty given by the royal prat prince. It was amazing how cleaning the boots of all knights of the castle had made Gwaine and Merlin to bond so well. In their short time together before he left Camelot, he had told her about his noble heritage and his disdain for it. Merlin had told him about the father that she only had met for a day before he died. He had told her about his crazy adventures around the land and his many love conquests. She had told him about her upbringing in a small village before her arrival in Camelot and how she had became the prince’s maidservant. And she had taught him that even among the nobles there were people with a good heart. Or it was what she had tried to convince him about the spoiled crowned prince of Camelot. But he had understood what she meant. Arthur was arrogant but he had his heart in the right place, what was an amazing feature to someone that have Uther Pendragon as his father. The vain King had him banished from the Kingdom even after the rough man had saved his son and only heir from certain death. Only because he believed that Gwaine was a peasant who had defied his laws. Merlin had asked him to tell the king about his noble birth rights but Gwaine had refused. He would hate living confined in one single place for too long and the prospects of become a knight and have to follow orders from the “princess” was not something he would enjoy doing. So, they said their goodbyes and Gwaine left his first and only friend in the world. And now, less than six months after his departure, they were together again, sharing a nice time. Well, trying to.

The girl was now puking all the contents of her stomach in the bucket that Gwaine had taken from a servant that luckily was passing through the inn's corridor when Merlin started to stir from her drunken slumber and her face turned green. After Merlin’s faint, Gwaine had picked up the lean girl in his arms and took her to rest on his bed in the tavern’s inn. Even with the short gap from their last encounter, Merlin seemed different. She was thinner, if this was even possible for someone so skinny. She had dark circles under her eyes, like she hadn’t a good night sleep in a long time. And the fact that she had drunk ale enough to make her so ill was a clear sign that something wasn’t right with his young friend. 

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I never gonna drink again” Merlin moaned.

“Well sweetheart. That’s a promise that I’ll never make” Gwaine said with his habitual good humour.

“Gwaine?” Merlin lifted her head from the bucket for the first time since she woke up. She seemed surprised to see her rescuer.

“In flesh and blood, my dear friend. And I am as astonished as you to find you here of all the places that we could had meet. And I never take you as an ale lover before. We could have had a lot of fun in that tavern in Camelot” said Gwaine, grinning. 

“Uhhhhhhh. I had never felt so bad in my whole life. My stomach hurts, my throat hurts, my head hurts ... no, my head is actually exploding now. How could you enjoy this so much?” asked Merlin with a pitiful look.

“Years of practice sweetheart. My body hardly complains anymore” Gwaine stood up from the corner of the bed where he was sitting and walked towards a small table near the bedroom door. There, he took a pitcher and a cup. “Here, drink some water. It will help to soothe your stomach and headache.” Gwaine delivered the cup while took away the bucket with Merlin’s vomit. 

“Thanks” Merlin replied taking a few sips from the cup and not quite believing that only water would make her feel better. With the cup still in her hand, Merlin took her surroundings. “Where am I?”

“Well, my lovely, you are currently resting in my humble bed” Gwaine said with a toothy smile. 

Merlin eyes widening a little and she asked almost in a whisper “Why am I in your bed?” 

“Ouch. Now you wounded me. Did you not remember our exciting encounter last night?” Gwaine asked, faking being hurt. By Merlin’s reaction, he get that he was quite succeed.

“What?” Screamed the ill girl. She quickly jumped out of the bed only to almost fall face first in the floor if Gwaine had not once more fast picked her up. “Ooohhhh!” 

“Calm down sweetheart. I was just kidding. You are still dizzy from your hangover. Let’s get you back to bed while I explain all to you, all right?” Gwaine spoke in a soothing voice, regretting now his little prank. He easily laid Merlin back in bed, the green colour returning to Merlin’s pale face, her azure eyes tightly shut. “Do you need the bucket back?”

“No, I don’t think there is anything left inside of me to puke” Merlin answered with a pained voice. 

“Sorry Merlin, I was only kidding. You were drinking in the tavern last night but by your remarkable power to attract danger, you got yourself harassed by three toughs and you know me. When I see a lovely lady in peril, I have to intervene. So, I dealt with the scumbags and hardly had time to chat before you pass out on me. I swear that that was not the reaction that I was looking for.” Gwaine made a pause to give a flirty smile to Merlin. “I could not just leave you there so, I paid for a room in the tavern's inn and here we are. But, don’t worry. Like you can see yourself, your clothes remain in their previous place, in other words, in your body and so, I can guarantee that your honour remains intact. I had a nice night in the floor.”

Merlin remained silent for a while, just eyeing her friend. Gwaine could not quite read what was happening in the girl’s mind. When they first met, Merlin was a chatterbox, always talking, or complaining or making jokes, lots about her master. It seems that secretive was another difference to add to this new Merlin. 

“Sorry Gwaine” Merlin’s voice was so low that Gwaine almost didn’t hear her. “I guess you always be my Knight in Shining Armour” said Merlin with a sweet smile that made Gwaine finally recognise his dear friend.

“Only for you, my bird. Only for you” he said returning the smile.

“Only for me? You said earlier that you could not resist a lady in peril. I hardly believe that I am the only one with this feature” replied Merlin, grinning. 

“Indeed I had encountered ladies in distress before but to save them was never so much excitant and fun as to save you, my friend. You seem to have a knack for trouble, especially when you have a particular blond and noble friend with you. But I didn’t see our lovely princess in the area. Have you finally tired yourself of the Royal Prat and decided to give him a good kick on his butt and resign your dutifully job as the princess personal slave?” asked Gwaine. For his surprise, Merlin’s previous good mood changed drastically and the girl gave a humourless answer. 

“Kind of“ Merlin seemed hesitant, like she was choosing the right words before speak. 

Gwaine was regretting the question. He never was a pusher regarding other people's personal lives. But before he could make a funny retort and get them back to a comfortable place, Merlin answered. 

“I ... I had some problems with a nobleman and I can’t get back to Camelot anymore” Merlin said with a resigned tone. 

“What? They banished you too?” Gwaine was astonished. “And the princess allowed?”

“There was nothing he could do to make me stay” Merlin said. 

Gwaine realized that her words didn’t quite answer his question. “And so you are now on the road” stated the rough man while Merlin nodded with her head. “When did this happen? Three days, four days ago?” Gwaine was estimating how many days travel would take to Merlin to arrive this place. 

“Actually, I think that is sort of a month” Merlin answered.

“A month? You are by yourself, wandering alone in these lands for a whole month? Now I understand why you look like a twig” said Gwaine in disbelief.

“Hey, I’m tougher than I look” retorted Merlin. 

“I’m sure you are, my friend. Even so, I am not so fond of the idea of you wandering along these woods alone” stated Gwaine.

“I was not wandering around. I kind of found a permanent residence” Merlin stated with a suspicious voice.

“Permanent residence? Here, in the middle of nowhere?” said Gwaine, incredulous.

“Well, it’s a cave so, it’s permanent. It’s well located, near a water spring. And it’s cosy too” defended Merlin.

Gwaine eyed his friend and suddenly both bursted laughing. “So you were banished from Camelot and found a nice cosy cave and are living there for a month. Only you, my friend” stated Gwaine, with a fond smile in his face.

“Yeah, I know. It’s not bad. It is just a little lonely. But now I have time to do what I want” stated Merlin. 

“Yes, my friend. Now you don’t have to run after a spoiled prince doing stupid errands like mucking out horses or cleaning boots” said Gwaine.

“Or wake up in insane hours of the dawn to serve the royal breakfast or polish armour” continued Merlin.

“Or save the princess ass from ugly toughs magically transformed in knights or enter in stupid tavern fights” amended Gwaine. 

“Well, I think that last night proved that I can do this by myself” reasoned Merlin.

“Yeah, that’s right. But now you are free like a bird” stated Gwaine.

“Yeah ... now I'm free” Merlin said with a forlorn expression. 

Gwaine sensed the mood swing and quickly diverted the subject “Well, cave girl, I’m sure that you must be hungry, given your twig appearance. I’m starving. Are you well enough to accompany me to a nice lunch downstairs?”

Merlin eyed his friend for a moment, before open a timid smile “Well, yes I guess. Far from me to say no to my Knight in shining armour. But please, could you stop with the twig comments?”

Gwaine gave Merlin a sheepish smile “As you wish, my lady.” Merlin just rolled her eyes.

The pair had a nice lunch together on the tavern, trading jokes and recent stories of their lives. Gwaine noticed that he was the one doing almost all the talking. Merlin only nodded and laughed of his adventures, sometimes making funny comments. But she stayed silent about her own life and the circumstances that had lead her away from Camelot. Gwaine also noted that the girl avoided mention Arthur’s name. It was something that he couldn’t quite understand. In the short period that he had stayed in Camelot, Merlin’s devotion to Arthur was evident. 

She helped him on a tavern fight, with her tiny size and enormous bravery. And she risked her life when that two toughs disguised as Knights were plotting to kill the prince. Gwaine also remembered the way that Arthur reacted to the girl's smart jibes. He pretended to be offended but always excused the girl, something that other nobles would never take lightly. And he seemed to be very protective of her either. The way he had tried to protect her in the tavern's fight was an example of this. Whatever had happened was bad enough to break their bond. And Merlin, even though tried to show a strong face, was suffering. Again, Gwaine avoid pushing the girl for the truth. If she wanted to stay quiet about the subject, he would respect her wish. After lunch, Merlin led Gwaine to see her cave. 

“Wow, so here is where you live now? It’s really amazing” Gwaine said. 

“See? I told you that I was fine” stated Merlin. The girl seemed pride of her so called home. Gwaine had to admit that the place was not that bad, but the thought of Merlin alone and defenceless in the middle of Ascetir forest was not suiting him. The girl kept talking about the cave qualities and the herbs that she had collected nearby and all the game that she had catched by herself but all Gwaine could see was an innocent and frightened girl struggling to seem strong. The rogue man knew that the servant girl had some mystery in her, something that she was hiding from everyone, but on the matter of feelings, Merlin was an open book. He could see that the girl was coping but she was far from happy with her situation. Then, a thought came to his mind. In all his years of wandering around, Gwaine was always alone and he liked that way. Being alone meant no responsibility and total freedom to do as he wanted. But now, for the first time, he thought that it would not be bad to have someone with him. He was sure that Merlin would be a good company. She was smart, funny and different of all the women that he had met before. Well, if not for her delicate face, her long hair and her dress, Merlin could easily pass for a boy, with her gangly and curve less body. And her behaviour was not in the slightly girly. He was sure that the two of them could have a lot of fun in the road. His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the girl. 

“Gwaine? Are you all right?” asked a concerned Merlin.

“Oh, yes, yes, I’m alright. I was just thinking” Gwaine quickly responded.

“Oh, that would be a first” retorted Merlin.

“Yeah, smart mouth. Go ahead, tease your friend. Especially when he is about to make you an invitation?

“An invitation?” asked Merlin. 

“Well, as your knight in shining armour I could not allow a lady to be let by herself in the middle of an instable and violent Kingdom such as Ascetir. So, what do you say about accompany me on the road?” Gwaine asked with a charming smile.

“What?” asked Merlin incredulous. “No, Gwaine. Thank you but this won’t be necessary. I’m perfectly secure in here.” 

“You cannot say this Merlin. Anyone could find you here.” retorted Gwaine.

“I don’t think so. I was here for over a month and I never saw anyone” responded Merlin.

“I think that you were lucky that nobody saw you. But you cannot keep counting on your luck my friend“ Gwaine stated. The girl still seemed reluctant. 

“Please Merlin, see sense. It’s not safe for you to be all by yourself in these lands. You have no idea of the type of scumbags that are wandering through the woods. Bandits, slave traders, savage rapists...” Gwaine stop his arguments when Merlin’s face paled with his last words.

“Merlin, I’m sorry if I frightened you, but it is true. You are too innocent to understand the risk that you are taking by being here alone” stated Gwaine.

“But I don’t want to leave my cave. It ... It was my father’s cave” Merlin said with a sad tone.

“Your father’s cave?” asked Gwaine, quite not understanding what the girl said.

“Do you remember back in Camelot when we were talking about our fathers? I told that mine had been banished by the king and had to leave my mother and me. And I told you that I had seen him before he died. Well, here it was where I found him. He used to live here after he left his family.” Merlin said, looking like she was lost in a distant memory. 

“I understand your attachment to this place Merlin, but nonetheless that does not make it safe for you to stay here. See for yourself. I know that you asked me to stop with the twig comments, but you are thinner than the last time I saw you. And you appear had not have a good night sleep in a while. And if you get sick, who will take care of you?” argued Gwaine. 

“Well, I know that my stomach is not currently good with the games I had hunted. But this is temporary. Maybe I am just too spoiled by the food that Gaius used to prepare for me. And I have been sleeping. It’s just that all the hunt and gathering of fruits and herbs and keep the cave protected have me worn out. But again, it is just temporary. My body is just too accustomed to the life in a castle” Merlin tried to reason. 

“No, Merlin. This is not what it is. You lived in the castle as a servant and an overworked one. This is about the stress of a lonely life. You are not safe here Merlin. And I’m sure that your father would agree with me on this” Gwaine argued once more. 

Merlin remained quiet for several minutes, deep in thought. Gwaine would love to know what was in the girl’s mind. He let her take her time. When Merlin spoke again, her voice was filled of uncertainty and, for Gwaine’s shock, fear. 

“So, you and I, together on the road? Just us?”

“Well, yeah” Gwaine said, still puzzled by the fear in Merlin’s tone. Did she fear him? He had to say something to soothe the girl. “For start.”

“For start?” Merlin asked. 

“Yes. We will be together on the road until you get tired of me and find a better companion or another knight to rescue you. I know that I can be rather annoying with my chat about ale and apples, so” said Gwaine, resorting to humour. 

“Apples?” Merlin asked with a disbelief smile. ‘The humour had won!’ thought Gwaine.

“Only you Gwaine. All right, I’m coming with you. But I have to warn you that it is most likely that you get tired of me. I can be very annoying when I want to. The number of times that Gaius threw me out of his chambers is a testament of it” retorted Merlin. 

“So we will be annoying together. With our forces combined we will be known for all Five Kingdoms – The incredible annoying pair – how that sounds to you, my friend?” said Gwaine smiling. 

Merlin giggled “That will be good, for a start. All right. We will be in the road and we will annoy everyone passing by. Maybe we will start a record and be banished of all the Kingdoms in these lands.” 

“Who knows, my friend. But first we have to break the record of taverns where we will be not allowed to enter” responded Gwaine.

“Oh no, no more ale. I never want to drink ale again”, Merlin said, frowning her forehead. “I tell you what. You do all the drinking and I’m in charge of start the fights. I seem to be good in it.” 

“We have a deal, sweetheart. Now go pack your things and let’s start our path for new adventures. The road is waiting for us” stated Gwaine with a smile. His lonely days in the road were over. To have sweet and funny Merlin as ‘travel mate’ would be different of what he was used to. But it would be fun too. He was certain that merry days awaited for them ahead. 

He couldn’t have imagined how much his life would change from that moment on.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long time without posting a new chapter, but I promise that I'll not stop updating this story. I would like to thank all the kudos and messages supporting this work. Your love is what move me to continue.

The knights of Camelot were quiet, hidden, shadowed from the group of bandits by thick trunk trees. Sir Leon, the leader of Camelot’s patrol, silently instructed his men to form a circle surrounding the bandits' camp and to wait. After an hour of silent vigil, Sir Leon had seen enough and decided to attack, giving a signal to the knights and surprising their opponents. In a few minutes, the group of bandits were almost subdued, with only two or three still resisting but clearly loosing the fight. The others were being held prisoners. With victory nearing, Leon ordered three knights to bond the prisoners’ hands and ankles. The other knights remained with their swords held raised, observing their fellows’ works. When all seemed calm in the camp and Leon was ordering a short rest for his group, all the hell broke loose and several men with hooded heads jumped from the surrounding trees and it was clear to the knights that the group of bandits were larger than they had imagined, and a lot more skilled. Leon fought bravely as all his companions but they’ve underestimated the bandits’ skills and were soon defeated. After freeing the prisoners, the bandits brought the knights to their knees, and turned to their leader waiting for his decision. Leon raised his head when a tall hooded man approached. 

“Knights of Camelot. You now are our prisoners. We will hold some of you for ransom while the majority will be sold to your enemy kingdoms. I’m sure that we can achieve a good price for Camelot’s’ secrets” said the man, and with his companion’s cries of victory, he pulled back his hooded revealing his blond hair and piercing blue eyes. “Sir Leon, I declare your team defeated.”

Leon had no alternative than to admit his defeat in one of the new training exercises that Prince Arthur had developed since his release from the castle dungeons two months ago. He should had felt rather cast down for being bested by someone younger and also his former apprentice in knighthood but actually he was proud to see the man that Arthur was becoming. 

Grabbing the prince offering arm, Leon stood up and start to walk with Arthur while receiving the comments and observations about the training exercise. 

“You did well, Leon. You waited for the best opportunity to strike and the strategy of executing a circle formation around the bandits camp was a good shot. But you and your men should had checked the trees branches. These trees are very easy to climb and hide. My team strategy was to have scouts further in the woods to inform us when a threat was nearing our camp. This way was easy to be prepared. If your group were more numerous, we wouldn’t have a chance, but even so we still would have the option to just runaway from your group before you even notice us. You could have the upper hand if you had used a scout in the evening or better, at dawn, when most of the possible enemy scouts could be tired or not so observant. This way you could had known our numbers and then had changed your approach. Let’s get back to the castle and talk better with the men” said Arthur, with a sense of assurance that Leon had never saw before in his prince.

Leon had know Prince Arthur since the royal began as a squire to the knights. On that time, Leon had just been knighted and like the young prince, he was eager to prove himself. Both Leon and Arthur wanted to see their fathers proud of them. But their similarities stopped there. While Leon’s father always praised his son’s efforts and conquers, Uther was never satisfied by his son’s achievements and was always demanding more from his young and only son. The minor faults committed by the young prince were seen as major failures and his many achievements were treated as obligation of a future leader. It was hard, but Arthur never succumbed to sadness or self-loathing. He continued his journey to become the best squire and after that, the best knight of Camelot and a man that his father could be proud of. But of course that the king’s lack of recognition to his son’s conquers had some effects on the young prince. Arthur had often hidden his disappointment towards his father, behaving like an arrogant young man and a long line of young squires and personal servants took the brunt of his frustrations. Leon was concerned that this poor behaviour would cloud the vision that Camelot’s people had of their prince. The Lower Town habitants and peasants of nearby areas feared the prince’s visits. It was just a matter of time to the rest of the Kingdom receive the word of the prince ill attitudes towards his people.

But for Leon’s relief, the prince’s behaviour changed after the arrival of his now former maidservant Merlin. Unlike the other servants, the peasant girl didn’t treat her master with all the deference and respect proper to anyone serving a prince. She used to bicker with him all the time and made a habit of reprimand his arrogance and bad manners in every opportunity she got. Leon was many times appalled by her inappropriate behaviour and quite concerned about her mental health. She was just this tiny thing and so brave. She never seemed to fear to talk back to the prince although, a least, she was more cautioned around the king. But Arthur never let her big mouth run without some reprimand. As a prince and a knight, he could never hurt a girl so, he resorted his punishments to, like Merlin would say, prattish paybacks such as putting Merlin on the stocks for a few hours or sending her on stupid errands and a infinite list of chores. And Merlin always bounced back from these punishments with the same defiant expression and a hidden smile. And with her spontaneity and lack of propriety, she had find a way to grown in the prince’s heart and, well, in Leon’s too and he had to admit that the annoying girl had some success in making Arthur a little more humbly and more open minded. Merlin’s undying faith that Arthur would one day become a great king was so infectious that it seemed to give the prince the confidence that he needed to believe in himself. 

But unfortunately, Uther’s influence over Arthur was too strong even for Merlin’s best efforts. It was with great astonishment and disappointment that Leon had discovered the true reason for Merlin’s sudden departure from Camelot. When the man that the knight always had considered as a young brother came forward to the court and confessed the beaten and rape of a young maiden, Leon just knew the truth. He had seen it in Gwen’s tears, in Gaius silent rage and in the prince’s shame. Merlin was the victim. There was no other explanation for her absence from Arthur’s side. She was the most loyal person Leon had ever known and nothing could had separated her from the prince. Nothing but a betrayal so grave could have destroyed the strongest friendship that Leon had ever seen. Yes, although Arthur had never said out loud, Leon knew that the prince saw his maid as a dear friend. And because of that it was hard to Leon to believe that Arthur could have performed such a horrendous act. He could never have believed that the prince could have hurt any girl, even more Merlin. But there he was, confessing his crime and demanding a punishment. 

Leon was not brave enough to see his prince receiving the lashes on the courtyard and he wasn’t present when Arthur was sent to the dungeons. He wasn’t brave enough to confront the prince and demand for answers. There must have been an explanation for what he done. He could have been severely drunk or bewitched. But no, Arthur himself had confessed his crime. Leon just wasn’t brave enough to face him. Because Leon knew that there were not sufficient punishments to soothe the prince guilty conscience. For the love that Arthur always had for his friend and maidservant, the prince would never forgive himself for what he had done. And Leon was too much afraid to see the broken man that his prince must have become.

But, when after a month of imprisonment, Arthur was released, Leon was one of the Knights assigned to escort the prince to the king. When he arrived on the cell, what he saw surprised him. It was not the face of a man with a broken spirit. What Leon saw was a grown man with an expression of full determination in his face. He was shirtless and the deep scars from the lashes were on display for anyone to see. The prince did not appear relieved for his imminent release. Through all the way from the dungeons to the throne room and through his father brief audience to his dismiss the prince remained grave and silent and when he left the room towards his chambers even the king noticed that Arthur was not the same man that was sent to flogging and prison one month ago. And the following days would show how much their impressions were true. 

The first changes were felt on the training grounds. No more long hours full of sword skills improvements and focus on strength and endurance. Now, all Camelot’s Knights receive training in strategy and battlefield survival techniques. All knights had to receive special classes from Gaius to learn how to treat battle wounds. They also had lessons from Geoffrey to study Camelot’s borders in the maps and to learn about all the peace agreements with the surrounding kingdoms. The regular patrols were used not only to guard and vigil the lands but to make contact with the people, to know their needs and also to congratulate their achievements. Prince Arthur wanted every Knight to know for what they were fighting for. He hadn’t wanted to be followed blindly by his men. He wanted that every knight had in their heart the love and respect for their land and, therefore, their courage would never fail, their body would never tired because they would have a higher purpose in their hearts than follow their leader, they would be defending their beloved kingdom, their beloved Camelot. And day by day, Prince Arthur was achieving his goal. His men were becoming a force to be reckoned. But what he didn’t know was that day by day he was gathering the respect and loyalty of his Knights like he never had before. Even before his disgraceful confession never Arthur had received so much devotion from his men like he was receiving now. And it was not only from the Knights.

Leon couldn’t forget the first court session that the prince took an active part after his imprisonment. Active part because that was not the first session the prince had participated after his release from the dungeons. 

_Arthur had been a silent participant of several meetings before. So, like many other court sessions, this one began with the countless appeals from the lords requesting help from the crown because of unfortunate losses on their crops. Others were showing off their achievements with great harvest results and only requiring authorization to raise their taxes because of all the protection that they offer to their people to insure the safety of the crops. And of course there were lords demanding more attention from the crown stating that they need help to guard the borders while other lords were only present to hear the new gossips of the kingdom. The King promised to consider all the requests and that he would address all demands according to their importance to the crown. Of course, that the lords that would have their demands attended would be seen as the King’s favourites and that always fuelled a net of intrigues and rivalry on the court and Leon could never see something good in this for the kingdom. When the King was about to dismiss the court and put an end to the meeting, the prince stood up and politely requested permission to speak. Uther was not the only one with a surprised expression on his face but he was the first one to recover and, after clearing his throat to silence the murmur that had started after the prince's request, the king allowed his son to speak._

_“Your majesty, before you deliberate the lords requests I would like to delivery my reports about the knights’ patrols and expeditions to the outlying villages and lands protected by the crown. I have to congratulate all the lords’ owners of the west lands. The harvests there this season were certainly fruitful. You maybe didn’t know this but I was able to see the remarkable rich crops by myself on several of the knight’s expeditions through the lands. I’d chosen to remain privy to not disturb the harvest works. For what I could gather for my observations, this harvest results brought you excellent profits. But, although your people had worked hard in the land, they didn't share some part of this successful numbers. They had their job multiplied this season but their gains continued the same as the last harvests. And I saw that the crown had paid you very well for the share that you had sold to us. I don’t see why do you need to increase the taxes for your people. You talk about their security, but Camelot’s knights have to deal with bandits in many of your smaller villages. And this people also paid you taxes for their protection. As I see, it should be the crown increasing the taxes that you my lords pay to us for protection and not the other way around. And for the honourable lords who demand for increase in the guard of the borders, I had to agreed to the demands concerning the lands near Escetir, from where we had receiving several reports about army activities. But I must remind the lords of the border areas that the Knights responsibilities are to the borders and not with the villages in your lands. This people paid taxes directly to you so it’s your duty to them to provide security to their lands. Our troupes in the borders had received many aid requests from villagers whom had their crops pillaged by bandits” stated Arthur._

_“I hope the knights had not left their posts in the boarder to assist these villagers. This would put the Kingdom in great risk” said angrily the King._

_“No father, but they reported to me about the situation so I sent a group of newest Knights to aid the villagers. It was an opportunity for them to use their training skills and we could apprehend two groups of bandits that were raiding the lands near the border. But in no way this occurrence is something that should became regular, unless the noble lords here present would transfer the rights for the taxes directly to the crown” said the prince. The murmur of some members of the court showed that said lords were not comfortable with the prince’s findings. Even the King stood silent for a moment, unable to say any words to disregard his son’s reports. Differently of previous meetings where the Prince had speak for the most humble only to be chastised by his father for being too soft and naive, this time the prince stated facts that could not be denied and his findings not only could benefit his people, but also spare the crown of unwanted and unjustified expenses._

After this council session, although some of the lords were displeased by the prince's interference with their pleas to the king, Leon sensed that the lords whom were not lead by greed and selfish purposes and that truly cared for Camelot were quite impressed by Arthur. That day, the prince gained more admirers and supporters than foes by displaying the makings of a great future king. 

Leon could not refrain himself of thinking in Merlin. How the little maidservant would be proud to see the man that the prince was becoming. And although she was not present, Leon knew that she was the main responsible for this new Arthur. Because the prince seemed to have turned all his anguish and guilty for his actions towards the girl in an undying will to became the man that Merlin always believed him would be. 

And for the displeasure of some, Arthur was succeeding. Looking through her chambers window to the prince in the courtyard below, the Lady Morgana was not sharing the feelings of astonishment and admiration from the court and the people. Something must be done to stop her stupid brother or she would never have the throne of Camelot. Perhaps a meeting with Morgause was necessary.


	15. Chapter 15

Gwaine could not believe that he hadn’t discovered it before. He must have been temporarily blind. How could he have not noted that about Merlin. It was so obvious. All the signs were there. Under his own nose. How could he not have seen this coming? Of course, she had tried to hide the truth from him, but under the circumstances, it was a difficult task. Gwaine had to compliment her for so many creative excuses, he would give Merlin that. But a secret such as this could not be hidden for so much time. 

Gwaine and Merlin were travel companions for three months now. Living in the woods or sharing a stinky room on random taverns from times to times make kind of difficult to hide some things. Like, in their time together, Gwaine had learned that Merlin was not an early riser. But that she also never complained if they had to leave their makeshift camp in a hurry in the wee hours of the day when some poor loser gamblers find them in the woods when they gathered their losses after a game night on a tavern. That was also how he had find out that the normally gangly girl who could stumble on her on feet could also run as fast and graceful as a wild cat when necessary. Gwaine learned that, although Merlin hated hunting, she could skin off a rabbit and prepare a succulent meal for both of them. Even if after sometimes she would throw up half of what she had eaten. 

But Gwaine also noted that although Merlin was very comfortable around him, always trading jokes and laughing from his antics, the girl avoided physical touch like the plague. Even though she usually was a chatterbox all day, some nights Merlin remained silent and sombre, watching the fire of their camp of the day with a vacant expression. Even after a thousand smiles and giggles, there were a lot of times that Gwaine saw a tear escaping from his friend’s eyes. 

And, of course, there were all those times that the evidence for Gwaine’s suspicions about Merlin were more than evident. Like when after three days and nights of unrelenting rain, the girl could light up a fire in her first attempt. Or when, in their dice gambles, Merlin seemed to have an endless luck. Or one day, when they were in a fight with ugly thugs, a dagger he was quite sure would have pierced him in the stomach suddenly fell to the floor like have reached an invisible barrier. That would be really disturbing but Gwaine himself was as drunk as the thugs that they were fighting with so he dismissed this vision like some alcohol induced illusion. 

If he had connected the dots before, Gwaine would not be so much surprise by the development of the predicament that they had stumbled on a few minutes ago. They had been walking all morning. Gwaine, as always, was recalling his past adventures in the road, enhancing some of his heroic deeds and putting aside some embarrassing occurrences, when he heard a thud behind him. When he turned his head there was no Merlin following him. A little startled, he was beginning to unsheathe his sword when he saw Merlin’s body unmoving on the forest ground. Panic rising, he quickly moved towards the girl gathering her small and delicate body in his arms. 

“Merlin, Merlin my friend. Wake up”, he tried, gently shaking the girl but received no response. He run his eyes through Merlin’s body but couldn’t find anything wrong with her. 

“Come on Merlin bird, please, don’t scare me like this. Merlin, come on, open your eyes to me. Show me your beautiful baby blues, please” the rogue man tried once more. He was so absorbed in his task that Gwaine didn’t sense that they were being surrounded by a group of men until it was too late. When a sound of a broken twig took Gwaine from his present concern, he raise his head and counted 10 to 12 men armed with swords or wood sticks eyeing them with satisfied smiles on their faces. 

“Well, what we have found here? Two lovebirds lost in the woods. How touching” said one of the men. Bandits, Gwaine reckoned. They were looking him with a sniffy expression, but what raise the alarm bells on Gwaine’s head were the lust looks that some of them were giving to the frail girl in his arms. He slowly laid Merlin on the grass and drew his sword. Even with all the odds against him, he would not let any of this scumbags get near to his precious friend. 

“Are you kidding with us? Do you really expect that a single man can defeat the twelve of us?” said the bandit who appeared to be the leader 

“I have faced worst odds in the past and I’m still here to tell the tale” retorted Gwaine. And it was true, but there was no helpless Merlin on that scenario and in those occasions his only concern was with his on neck. But now Gwaine rather die before let any of these men hurt Merlin. With this thought in his mind he set against the men, beginning a ferocious and bloody fight. He successfully defeated seven men, but lost his sword for the eighth bandit. He quickly got back to Merlin, shielding her body with his own. He would use his fists if necessary to keep her safe. The five remaining bandits were slowly making their way towards the couple. Gwaine was ready for the difficult fight ahead but when the bandits were only inches from attack, their bodies flew through the forest and collided with the surrounding trees and then fell on the ground. There was no sound coming from them. 

Gwaine eyed the unmoving bodies with a puzzled expression. What the hell had happened? Turning his face, he saw his little friend standing up with both arms and palm hands raised toward the bandits and an expression of pure terror on her face. And that was the big discovery. His small, sweet, brave Merlin had magic. A lot of magic.

The girl remained frozen in her attack/defensive pose with an expression full of fear. Gwaine had to break the silence and calm his friend.

“Easy Merlin, easy. You could lower your hands now. Everything is all right. Easy now, girl, easy” said Gwaine while making soothing gestures with his hands. 

Merlin seemed to unfrozen a little. She lowered her arms and raised one of her eyebrows.

“Why are you talking to me like I am a kind of a wild horse? I’m not a horse” said Merlin angry. 

“No, you definitely are not a horse. But you seemed kind of wild a few moments ago” stated Gwaine with a grin.

“I ... I’m not wild. They ... they ... you saw ... they were going to kill you. I could not let that happen. I... I had to do something” stuttered Merlin.

“And you certainly did something” concluded Gwaine, rubbing his head nervously.

“Are you mad with me?” questioned Merlin, expression full of uncertainty.

“Mad with you? Why would you think something like that? I could never be mad with you. I’m kind of embarrassed actually” retorted Gwaine, lowering his head.

“Embarrassed? Why?” asked Merlin.

“Well, here I am, thinking to myself that I would rather die before letting something bad happen to you. Me, strong and smooth Gwaine, your heroic saviour, knight in shining armour. And then came you, small, frail and thin Merlin and save me. Do you know what this means?” questioned the rogue man. 

“Ahnnn ... no?” tried Merlin.

“This means that now I’m the damsel in distress and you are my knight or ... witch in shining armour” stated Gwaine with a helpless expression.

The two friends eyed each other for some moments before both bursted on laughing. They laughed for several minutes, paused for a moment and, after eyeing each other once again, the laughing restarted. They finally stop when they were out of breath and their eyes were full of happy tears. When one of the fallen bandits began to stir, Gwaine took action. 

“Let’s get out of here. I don’t think that these guys will be merry to see us when they wake up” stated Gwaine. He gathered his sword from the forest ground and moved to Merlin’s side, guiding the girl away from that place. They walked in silence for a while, heads full of thoughts. 

Gwaine suddenly stoped and gently held one of Merlin’s arms. 

“Hey, back there, you fainted. Are you all right now?’ Gwaine asked.

“Ahn Oh, yeah. I was kind of lightheaded, but I’m fine now. Maybe I was a bit tired or hungry. I don’t know“ Merlin said. 

Gwaine had a feeling that his friend was hiding something. But then he remembered her impressive earlier act and considered that if she was strong enough to beat five burly men, she must be fine for now. And there it was again. Merlin had magic. After a few more time walking, Gwaine was the first to break the silence. 

“So, you are a witch”said Gwaine.

“Yes, I am” answered Merlin.

“Since when?” asked Gwaine.

“Since the day I was born” answered Merlin. 

“Ow ... this is a long time” said Gwaine.

“Yeah, a long time indeed” stated Merlin.

The two friends remained in silence once again. Suddenly, Gwaine stoped and held Merlin but this time not so gently. 

“Wait a minute. You have magic all your life. And in the past years you were living in Camelot” stated Gwaine.

“Yyyes”said Merlin, unsecured. 

“Camelot, a place where magic is banned on pain of death. And you were living there, not only in the kingdom, but inside the very Castle of a King that could sentence you to be burned alive without second thought” said a disturbed Gwaine.

“Ahn ...” was the only sound coming from Merlin’s mouth.

“And you were working for the King’s son, a man that is well known for beating magical beasts and chasing and defeating dangerous sorcerers” Gwaine stated angrily. 

Merlin was, for the first time, without words. 

“ARE YOU CRAZY?” screamed Gwaine. “Man, now I’m mad.” The rogue man started to rub the back of his head. “I can’t believe this. I always known that you were a brave little woman, but not borderline reckless.” 

“Hey, stop with this “little woman” thing. I know that I’m short but ... please. And, for me ... in Camelot ... it’s complicated” said Merlin, unsure.

“Care to explain? I’m all ears” asked Gwaine.

“It’s a long story. I don’t think that you will like it, or believe it” said Merlin, defeated.

“Well, there is only one way to know. But let we find some shelter and food first. And after this glorious morning, I think I’m in need of a tankard of mead too” Gwaine stated. 

“You always are in need of a tankard of mead” retorted Merlin. “And if I know you well, you happen to know exactly where to find it.”

“I’m wandering this lands for a long time, my friend. And I can smell ale and mead from a thousand yards” grinned Gwaine. 

“Gwaine, I swear, you could make a fortune selling maps with the location of taverns around the five kingdoms” Merlin grinned back.

“Maps? Like tavern guides? And who would buy such a thing Merlin bird?” asked Gwaine, laughing. 

After a few hours, the two friends arrived to a tavern nearing a small village. They choose a table far from prying ears and after a nice hot meal Merlin began telling Gwaine her story. Two and a half tankards of mead before, head spinning not from the alcohol – definitely – Gwaine spoke. 

“So let me understand something. You had born with magic. And a lot of magic. And your mother, fearing for you not be able to control it, decided to send you to Camelot in order to keep you safe? Like, Camelot, the place that abhors magic? ” 

“No, she sent me to Gaius because he knows about magic and so, he could help me with it” answered Merlin.

“But as Gaius lives in Camelot ...” Gwaine elaborated. “And once there, you met a big dragon –“

“The great dragon” interrupted Merlin.

“All right. You met the Great Dragon, who was imprisoned on a hidden cave below the Castle ...” said Gwaine with very paused words and receiving nods from Merlin.

“... and this dragon said to you that you are Emrys, the most powerful sorceress of the world and you have to protect the future King –“ 

“The Once and Future King” interrupted Merlin again.

“Yes, and this guy is Arthur and together you and him will unite the lands of Albion and bring magic back” said a dumbfounded Gwaine.

“Yes, this was what the Dragon said” complemented Merlin. 

“And you have been saving the prat prince since then. And this is your destiny. Wow!” finished Gwaine. He really needed one more tankard of mead.

“Yeah, well, but I don’t believe in it anymore” said a sullen Merlin.

“And why not?” asked Gwaine a little too sarcastic. 

“Because I don’t think that Arthur is the Once and Future King. There are some things lacking in him. Some qualities. He is a great warrior, and has showed a lot of courage and determination to protect his people and ...” Merlin paused. Gwaine noted her sad expression but before he could say something, Merlin continued. 

“He is too obsessed in following Uther’s unjust rules. He can’t think for himself. Sometimes it looks like he is more concerned in please his father than actually became a great leader” concluded Merlin bitterly.

“Well, certainly it didn’t look like this when I was in Camelot. Arthur is arrogant and a little self absorbed if you know what I mean, but he didn’t seemed to agree with his father. At least about me” said Gwaine. 

“Yeah, I remember. But this is only sometimes. You had saved him, he was grateful. But when he has to confront his father about the king’s harsh decisions, his stupid laws and prejudices, Arthur become speechless. It’s like he fears to disappoint his father so much that nothing more matters” Merlin stated. 

“For the little time that I saw you two interacting, I think that he has a great deal for your opinion. Maybe he need someone to guide him in the right direction like you did with me, making me came back to save the prince sorry arse” Gwaine said grinning and trying to break the gloomy mood of the talk. 

“I’d tried to speak to him, to make him see that he could be better than Uther, that he have more love and compassion for his people than his father but he ... he” Merlin’s voice became shallow “... he got mad and then he ... he didn’t listen to me. He didn’t listen and ...” Merlin stopped talking; a lonely tear fell from one of her eyes. 

“Hey little girl, it’s all right. You two had a fight. This happens with friends sometimes. He is a prat. It was bound to happen. But hey, you are the mighty Emrys. You could turn him into a toad or a mule or something” again Gwaine tried to lightened the mood.

“Me, Emrys? Please. Emrys is a powerful sorceress, foretold to be the most powerful magical being in all Albion. I’m only Merlin, little Magical Merlin. I even can’t control my magic well. I can’t heal a little scratch if I needed to. I couldn’t even defended myself when ... when ... attacked me ...” Merlin became silent but more tears were running on her face. 

“What Merlin, what did happen?” Gwaine asked concerned. Merlin only lowered her head and hugged herself. 

Gwaine was puzzled. He tried to remember what Merlin had said to him before about the reason she was no longer in Camelot. _“I ... I had some problems with a nobleman and I can’t get back to Camelot anymore”_ Merlin had said. Problems with a nobleman. And Arthur hadn’t listened to her. Suddenly all the pieces were gathering in place. Merlin’s aversion to touch; Merlin’s horrified expression when Gwaine had said that they had shared a bed when he saved her from the ugly thugs in the night that they had met again and then her immediate relief when he said he was joking; Merlin’s terrible nightmares when she would wake up screaming. Could this be true? No, please, no.

“Merlin, had someone hurt you in Camelot? Is it the reason you lef? Had ... had a man hurt you? A nobleman?” asked Gwaine.

After a few silent moments, Merlin slowly nodded. And then her sobs got louder. And Gwaine didn’t know what to do. He could not believe that someone could have hurt his beloved friend. He was enraged. He was ready to get a horse and go to Camelot in order to seek this poor excuse of a man when Merlin started to make gorging sounds and promptly vomited all her food in the floor. And after all the food was out of her body, she start dry heaving and more painful sobs were heard. 

“Hey, you will have to pay extra for this” yelled a man behind the tavern counter. 

Merlin was shaking when Gwaine gathered her in his arms, bride style, and asked a room for the tavern owner.

“Get my things and I will pay you extra for your troubles, but hurry. She needs rest” demanded Gwaine.

His demands were quickly attended and soon he was laying a sobbing Merlin on a bed. 

“Easy my friend. I’m here. I will not let anyone hurt you again. Noble or peasant, no man will touch you against your will ever again” said Gwaine with a soothing voice. After a few more moments, Gwaine had to make one more question. One he was fearing the answer.

“Merlin bird, please, tell me. I’m here for you. Are you ... are you ... Merlin, are you pregnant?”

Merlin raised her head and with watering eyes nodded. She started a sobbing babbling. 

“Yes, Yes I am. I don’t know what I will do Gwaine. I have no place to live and I am too ashamed to go back to my mother. She suffered so much when I was a child and the villagers said that she was like a whore because she was not married and she had a child. And then, when I was born. I was always strange because of my magic. My mother said I could not use it and she was always frightened that someone would find out. So we avoided the visits of neighbours. So she was always alone, protecting me. The people called me Hunith’s bastard. The children called me weird Merlin. And this hurt so much my mother. But even with all the calling names, she always helped the villagers with her knowledge about herbs and cures. And after I left, the strange bastard child, people started to respect my mother. And when Arthur and Morgana and Gwen and I helped to save Ealdor, people stopped calling me bastard and saying bad names to mom. And I cannot not go back there and make people mock her once again. I can’t Gwaine. And I cannot go back to Camelot. They will know. He will know. But I don’t know what to do. Gwaine, what can I do?” Merlin despair was heartbreaking. 

Gwaine gathered the girl in his arms, hugging her and rocking her like a mother to a child. She was so distraught and the rogue man was relieved that she allowed his touch. 

“You don’t worry my bird. I’m here with you. You are not alone. Your baby is not alone. Together we will find a way. Calm now. Calm now, my dear. I’m here with you” Gwaine repeated the soothing words until Merlin’s cries subsided and the girl drift to an exhausted sleep. 

Gwaine’s heart was aching for his friend. A man had hurt her, had touched her in a way that no man must do without permission. And from what he had gathered, this man was free. A nobleman. Noble? Where are the nobility of a man who attacks and rape a defenceless woman? And what could Merlin do? For Kings, only noble people mattered. Peasants were only valuable for hard labour in the fields and to pay taxes. If she tried to denounce the criminal, it was more likely that she was the arrested one. She must have tried to tell Arthur but, like she said, he had not listened. Or maybe he listened but knowing his father’s prejudices, Arthur must had decided not to take further actions. And poor, hurt Merlin was left feeling betrayed. Now he understood the bitterness and sadness in Merlin’s voice in anything regarding the prince. They were friends and he had let her down. His father’s dubious standards were safe and Merlin’s suffering dismissed. And for someone so strong minded like Merlin, would be unbearable to cope with so great injustice so she had to leave. Alone, but not defeated.

In the time that they had been together in the road, Gwaine had become more fascinated with his dear friend. She was intelligent, courageous, funny, sweet. In all his years wandering through these great Kingdoms lands, he had never met someone like Merlin. So full of emotions, so full of contradictions: frail and strong, gangly and regal, noise and silent, clumsy and fair. Fair, yes, Merlin was fair and beautiful. Now that he was thinking more about his friend, Gwaine realised that since they had began their road partnership, Gwaine had not taken to bed any women. He was used to flirt with tavern maids all the time and Merlin didn’t seem to object this behaviour. She even made fun of him in one of these occasions. They were in one of the many taverns that they found on their path when two maids start fighting for his attentions. 

_“Oh oh. You will have to choose now” said Merlin grinning._

_“Well, these are the risks of being irresistible” stated Gwaine grinning back._

_“You sod!” said Merlin laughing._

But in the end, Gwaine left two very disappointed maids behind, choosing instead to wander through the city market with his friend. But could that be? Could Gwaine trade his philanderer ways for setting down with a beautiful and sweet girl? Was the mighty Gwaine finally tamed? ‘No, Merlin cannot see me like that. And I’m not the right man for her. She deserves better’ concluded Gwaine. ‘I’m a drunken bum, a rogue, a gambler, someone you cannot trust. But I will not desert her now. I will help her and her baby. Maybe she can find a decent man in some of these villages. Someone that will see the diamond in the rock that Merlin is” pondered Gwaine, although he was not so found of this idea. Soon, with his mind tired, Gwaine, the bum, was also drifting to sleep, with his beloved friend in his arms.

Morning came and with it came the morning sickness. After paying more extra coins to the tavern keeper, the two friends had a rushed breakfast and got back to the road. Both agreed that after all the mess that they (well, Merlin) had made, it was only prudent to wait to get more coins in dice games in other tavern. 

“I sorry Gwaine” said Merlin after they got some distance from the little village.

“And for what are you apologising, my dear?” asked Gwaine. 

“For yesterday and for not telling you about my magic, and for all my problems. You don’t have to worry. I will find work in some village. I learned a lot with Gaius. Maybe I can work as a physician assistant for some time. Then I can get back to my father’s cave for the baby’s birth. And then I ...”

Gwaine interrupted Merlin’s little speech.

“... and then you would be the cave girl again, having a cave baby, and living in a lovely cosy cave by yourself. How can you tend for a baby, hunt for meat, buy clothes for infants all by yourself? Sorry Merlin bird. You are now stuck with me. You and your precious little baby” said Gwaine.

“Precious?” 

“Of course is precious. Imagine a mini-Merlin wandering through the forest, stumbling on their own little tiny feet. Of course this would be precious” said Gwaine grinning to his friend.

“You will really stay by my side? Even if I’m puking my guts and having mood swings, you will still remain with me? Helping me?”asked Merlin in awe. 

“Of course I will stay by your side. Even when you start craving for strange foods and when you start to get big as a house” retorted Gwaine.

“Hey, I will not become big as a house” said Merlin.

“Well, not like a house. More like a little cottage, maybe” Gwaine joked.

“You will really stay with me. Thank you, Gwaine. You are the best friend that any girl, that anyone could have” said Merlin, stopping and holding Gwaine’s hand.

Gwaine had no words to say choosing instead to let his eyes shown his feelings. A little embarrassed, Merlin broke the silence. 

“Although I have to warn you that I have no idea if or how this pregnancy will or can affect my magic. I don’t know. Maybe when I start a fire ... yes Gwaine, that’s my secret to light a fire even with wet wood, I use my magic. But, like I was saying, I could try to light a fire and turn the wood into earthworms, or when I try to make the dice in the tavern games show the numbers we have chosen instead my magic could start making the dice float and poke the other gamblers heads. I don’t know, Gwaine. Strange things can happen. Are you ready for this?” asked Merlin with a grim. 

“Well, Merlin my dear. I think that after all these years in the road and your little display yesterday, I'm quite prepared for anything that you got.”

And just then, a strange sound came from the sky only moments before a giant lizard landed in front on them. And if this had not impressed Gwaine enough, the big giant lizard started to speak.

“Young witch, Arthur is in danger.”


	16. Chapter 16

_Camelot, four days before the Great Dragon visit Merlin._

“And after all Arthur has done for this Kingdom, I can’t believe that there are still doubts about his ability to succeed you, my lord. It’s just absurd!” stated Morgana while playing with the fruits in her plate. 

“It’s understandable. Arthur didn’t have to conquer the throne as I did. So the expectations for him were always higher. But I don’t believe that you have to worry, my dear. Despite the unfortunate events of the last months, and even if I don’t agree with some of his opinions, Arthur has been showing remarkable commitment and responsibility with his duties with the Kingdom” Uther appeased while eating his evening brunch. 

_“Be subtle Morgana. Plant the seeds of doubt in Uther’s mind without showing your true intentions”_ Morgause’s words from their previous gathering were strong in Morgana’s thoughts. 

“I hope you’re right Uther. But I still hate to know that members of the court still could question Arthur’s skills to kingship” said Morgana dejected.

“Are you saying that you heard members of Camelot’s court doubting Arthur?” inquired Uther. 

“Well...” hesitated Morgana. 

“Morgana” demanded Uther.

“Yes, my lord. But I cannot say more without sound like lady’s gossip” argued Morgana.

“My dear, I know you too well to know that you are not this kind of court lady. And you never was known to be shy when you want to voice your thoughts” pondered Uther. 

_“Use the Cenred’s card if necessary. Make Uther uncomfortable about the loyalties of his court”_ Morgause had said. 

“I’d heard from the wives of some members of the court that some of them are worry about the situation in Camelot’s borders with Escetir. It seems that, with the concern of a eminent war, there are some of them that do not see Arthur mature enough to command an army. They think that he is brave and very skilled with the sword. But they have doubts if he would be prepared for the pressure of a battle field” said Morgana. 

Uther remained silent. His lips pressured in a thin line, his right hand in a fist touching his mouth. Morgana seized the opportunity to continue. 

“They think that all his conquests up to now came from his work with the other knights, the older knights, and of course, from your direct guidance.” Morgana made a pause before continue. “I think that they are cowards. All of them. Arthur has saved this kingdom more times that I can count for. He defeated the Great Dragon, although I was not here to see it” said Morgana.

Uther lowered his head at this final line. Morgana knew he hated to remember the year she was taken from Camelot. 

“Yes my dear, you were not here. Arthur indeed defeated the Great Dragon, but he didn’t make it alone. He had the knights with him. The majority of them were older than him and some were his mentors in trainings when he was a young boy. Few of them survived the battle, and Arthur was the one whom delivered the mortal blow on the creature but he was not alone” stated a pensive Uther. He could not acknowledge that someone else besides the knights was also present in the final battle against the Great Dragon. For him, of course, Merlin was always insignificant. 

“So he was not alone. What is the problem with that? This should show his ability to command and not the opposite of it” argued Morgana.

“Yes, it should” said Uther. “But I would not be worried Morgana. Arthur have showed me several times his value and I know that he is ready to command Camelot’s army if necessary which it is not. I’m perfectly capable to command the army if Cenred foolishly decide on an attack. So this conversation is all a waste of our time” concluded Uther.

Morgana sensed she was losing the game. _“When you think that Uther is escaping your grasp, use his pride to get him back. It’s his greatest weakness”_ Morgause’s words once again have made Morgana act. 

“Well my lord. I’m sure that you would command Camelot’s army. No one has doubts about it. But if you can see Arthur’s qualities, why cannot the court? Are they thinking that all that Arthur has done was following your orders? Do you think they believe that Arthur was only serving as an intermediary for your commands in all his achievements?” questioned Morgana.

Uther tried to sound humble. “My dear, this may be possible. I have true experience in battle fields. I had to conquer Camelot with my own hands. I had followers, of course. But I had to make my path to the throne by myself.”

Morgana saw an opportunity to bring back the events of three months before. 

“I cannot understand them. They see Arthur’s honourable deeds of three months ago as a weakness. They see him as an immature and reckless man that could succumb to the temptations of youth. And what happened should be irrelevant. He was brave in confessing his crime and take punishment” said Morgana. 

“No Morgana, he was foolish. The indiscretion that he confessed had committed and his solicitude to answer for his wrongs were not so well received. You see my dear, his sins are not foreign to many members of the court and I will not be surprised in finding out that the ones that are questioning Arthur are the same that have many mistresses in their beds and some of them not so willing to be there. For them, Arthur’s confession and punishment can be seen as a threat. I know, my dear, this is not something easy to accept. I myself condemn these indiscretions and would demand punishment of such acts, but they are committed in closed doors and no lady came forward seeking justice. But this is not the important issue. The real issue is that Arthur’s impulsiveness had put him in a less favourable light to some lords whose support is far more important that any women naive enough to be led to a noble’s bed. Arthur’s lack of politics skills is one of his great weaknesses” stated a concerned Uther.

“So, even if he defeated a Dragon, had won a hundred of tournaments, had saved this kingdom from several menaces, you would always have all the spoils of these conquests. So what would take to Arthur to truly prove himself? Conquer a land on his own?“ questioned a irate Morgana.

“Morgana, you are overly dramatic. Arthur doesn’t need to find another kingdom to rule” replied Uther. 

_Now for the mortal blow_ , thought Morgana.

“Or maybe they think that you should do like the ancient kings and send Arthur on a stupid quest by himself in search of glory and wisdom? Or make Arthur walk through fire, or make him fight against all the knights of this Kingdom with his bare hands” Morgana mocked.

Uther was silent for a few minutes.

“Uther! .... My lord! ... Uther!” Morgana called, sounding concerned. 

“Sorry Morgana. I was just thinking about something you said” said Uther.

“What?” asked Morgana.

“I think that your idea of a quest may be interesting. A solo one, of course” said Uther. 

“Ha ha ha, please Uther, don’t placate me” said Morgana sarcastically.

“No my dear. I really think your idea is perfect to terminate once for all the court's gossip about Arthur’s kingly attributes and maybe make them forget his latest foolish decisions” explained Uther.  


_“Victory!”_ celebrated Morgana in her mind.

“I’m sorry my lord, but are you MAD?” questioned an outraged Morgana. “You cannot send your son, your only son, the heir of Camelot’s throne to some adventure by himself only to prove his value.”

“Yes, I can and I will. How could have I forgotten about the quests that the ancients kings placed upon the ones that would succeed them. It was a rule for a hundred of years in the five kingdoms” said Uther almost to himself. 

“Please Uther, you cannot be serious. These practices are not longer used because they are dangerous. You cannot risk Arthur’s life for the court's acceptance” pleaded Morgana.

“My dear, just like Arthur you have no understanding of politics. Or war strategy. I was not concerned with some gossips about Arthur’s abilities to succeed me, but if members of the court has shown some doubt and if this fear spreads to the troops in the borders, it means that we could have to deal with a very dangerous situation. I will not allow that Camelot be weakened from within” said Uther.

Morgana watched Uther leave the dining room with his manservant and two guards in his footsteps. She was certain the king would be making a visit to Camelot’s library in search of the old scripts about the ancient’s kings of the five kingdoms. And, thankfully to Morgause's magical interference a certain book with a certain quest will be in Uther’s hand by the end of the day. Two weeks ago, when Morgause had told Morgana about her plan, the beautiful brunet could never believed that would be so easy to make the King of Camelot send his only son and heir to a dangerous mission all by himself. And making it in a way that, when the beloved prince failed, and he would fail, all the blame would be cast on Uther. Morgause's plan was wise. 

_“I cannot understand Morgause. He made a public confession of an assault to an innocent girl and it only takes a shameful but mild punishment and everyone adores him? Arthur has never had so many admirers and supporters as he has now. Even Uther hasn’t this kind of popularity” said a distressed Morgana. “And he is changed too. Since his released from the dungeons he’s been different. More focused, more equilibrated, less harsh, less careless. More matured. He is becoming a far more dangerous enemy for us Morgause.”_

_“I have following from afar this new Prince Arthur. I couldn’t see everything. My scrying powers sometimes get blocked but from what I saw, he is becoming a greater man that his father. He doesn’t seem to share most of Uther’s views about some political discussions but unfortunately I have not seen anything that hint a change of his heart about magic. Therefore our plans remain the same. You, as the rightful heir will be the Queen of Camelot” stated Morgause._

_“But how? Until now, all our plans and schemes have failed. And I don’t think that even if the truth about my heritage would be revealed, I don’t believe I would be accepted. Not now with all this worship to Arthur” said a dejected Morgana._

_“Sister, I would not be concerned about Arthur’s recognition and esteem by his people. His glory can be the tool to our success” said Morgause with a wicked smile. “I want you to be one of Arthur’s most devoted admirers. Not so blatantly to appear as a bootlicker but stronger in your marvel that can be seen by the people and the knights. You will endorse his actions and views; you will defend him from criticism and gossip. You will show yourself as a true friend for him. But this has to be in the eyes of the court, the knights and the servants. This is paramount for our plan to succeed” explained Morgause. “And when you were certain that your love for your brother is undoubted by anyone, you will insure that the King condemn his son to certain death”._

And it was easier that Morgana could have ever believed. Uther could be so easily manipulated by her. And with a little aid from Morgause's magic, Uther would send Arthur to a journey to the perilous lands in search for the golden trident of the fisher king. A non-sense quest where Arthur would only find his demise. Morgana and her sister would ensure that. 

_“You will give Arthur this bracelet as a token of your good wishes and concern for him. The bracelet is enchanted. Once in Arthur’s arms, only magic can take it off. If anyone try to touch it, their minds will be momentarily diverted and the bracelet forgotten. When the prince be in his journey, you will use the skills that I taught you and use the eye of the phoenix in the bracelet to drain Arthur’s life force” explained Morgause._

And when the beloved Prince does not come back, the grievous King's ward will make havoc and demand a patrol to rescue Arthur. And she will cry when the body of the mighty prince be brought to the castle. And she will accuse the King for his callousness and his selfishness. She will make clear to all the court and knights and all people to see how the King’s pride brought the death of Camelot’s beloved prince. And when the time be right, Morgana will have the support she need to be crowned Queen of Camelot.

Morgana and Morgause’s plan worked fast. 

Prince Arthur was preparing himself for another knight’s training two days after the faithful dining room conversation between the king and his ward. His manservant George was helping him with his armour when a page knock his chambers' doors and announce that the king requested his presence in the throne room.

For his surprise, the king was not the only one present in the room and, with the presence of the court and his best ranked knights, Arthur became a little suspicious. There were no words from Escetir's border about some change in Cenred’s troops and, from the last court meetings, there was nothing worrying about intern disputes in the kingdom or problems with the harvests. There were no reports of any treats to Camelot either so the prince was startled by his father’s news.

Uther announced to an astonished court and to a disbelieving Arthur about the quest that would prove to all Camelot the great value of his crowned Prince. The news was not received with enthusiasm. Although some members of the court remained strategically silent - the same members who were in some way degraded by Prince Arthur’s interventions in the recent past court meetings – the majority of them was displaying their doubts and stating their disapproval to the King’s plans. 

“Your majesty, with all do respect but why would you believe that the prince needs to prove himself to the people? His past actions speak from themselves” said one of the lords. 

“Your majesty, I’m not sure if is wise to send the only heir to the throne in a mission so full of risks” stated other lord.

But Uther remained stubbornly firm to his decision. Even Sir Leon tried to argue, speaking for his fellow knights but Uther didn’t seem to care. Morgana was another one that tried to dissuade the king but her efforts were in vain. Uther was too blind to see reason.

“I conquered and practically rebuild Camelot from ashes and broken stones to the Kingdom of glory and power where we all live today. And when we were in the brink to lost Camelot again, and in that time, to the wrongs of magic, I once more proved my strength and lead the war against those who dare to see our destruction. I have acquired all this glory by myself and now is Arthur’s chance to show the same bravery and determination. The wisdom of the ancient kings of the five kingdoms stated that a test of bravery and determination should be performed by the eligible to the throne. Now is your turn. Tomorrow at dawn, Arthur, you will leave Camelot alone in a quest to the Perilous Lands and you will retrieve the golden trident from the Fisher King’s domains. This task must be completed by the prince alone and unaided. This way, the prince will prove himself worthy of the throne of our great kingdom” stated the King giving no room to further discussion.

Arthur could not believe in what he was hearing. He was speechless while others tried to make Uther see sense. After years following all his father demands, of fighting enemies and defeating magical creatures, of committing acts that were against many of his personal beliefs, by been loyal to his king, Arthur is yet expected to prove himself once more. To show his value. He could already see Merlin frowning and fighting to keep her mouth shut after hearing the King ludicrous announcement. It was in times like this that Arthur missed even more his loyal friend.

Composing himself, the prince gave a few steps forward from where he was before, closer to his knights, and posted himself in front of the throne in direct line to the king. Suddenly gaining his voice back, Arthur spoke with a clear and firm voice.

“Father, I believe that to serve the people of this land and to warrant the safety of the entire kingdom are far more important deeds to someone prove his values than a quest to a foreign and isolate realm in order to achieve a token of past glory could be. And I don’t believe that is wise to send the commander of your army, not to mention, your only son and heir in such mission” stated Arthur. 

Even with the support of the majority of the court and, who would believe, Morgana, Arthur’s little speech was irrelevant for the king. The prince’s words were received by a stoic and cold silence from his father.

“Are you questioning my orders now Arthur?” asked a menacing Uther.

“Father, we are in the brink of a war right now. I cannot leave Camelot unguarded in order to search for relics of ancient times. You must see ...” tried Arthur before be interrupted by an irate Uther. 

“You will accept this quest and you will not fail. This kingdom will not be left unguarded. Camelot has a king that already shown his value. Now is your turn to show it too. You are dismissed in order to make the appropriate arrangements for your journey” stated a grave Uther. 

A livid but somewhat disappointed Arthur replied sarcastically. “All right, father. Like you said in your announcement, I did not conquer and build this kingdom from the ground, so I will have to trust in your knowledge of how to rule this land. I will go in your quest. And I will go alone. And when I came back, I hope that a golden trident would be enough to attest your glory as a wise King and father.” 

With a sombre expression, Uther dismissed Arthur and the crowned prince made his leave from the court room nodding to his trusted friend and knight Leon to follow him. Away from prying ears the prince confided in his friend. 

“I cannot believe that my father is sending me away when we have an army near our borders only waiting for the right opportunity to attack. And for the most inconsequent motive” said Arthur with a rage. “Haven't I proved myself enough for him to know that I really care for this Kingdom? Have I ever let him down? Have I ever disobeyed his orders even when they seem unreasonable?” questioned the prince while making his way to his chambers. 

“Sire, I’m as astonished as you. This past few months your father seemed satisfied with your changes on the Knights training and the strategies that you had drawn for Camelot’s army. And your active participation on the court meetings was also praised. I cannot understand why now the king decided to send you to a quest. It makes no sense” stated Leon as the two friends arrived at Arthur’s doors.

Once inside, the prince and the knight started to devise plans for Arthur’s duties in his absence from Camelot. Leon would be in charge for the prince many responsibilities in this period.

“You must be vigilant to the situation in Escetir borders. Cenred must have spies nearby and I don’t want him thinking that my sudden departure could somehow weaken our army” stated a concerned Arthur.

“Yes sire. We will follow all your strategies and plans for this matter. We will not let you down Arthur” said Leon. 

“I know, my friend. I trust you. Now let me to plan the fastest way to fulfil this stupid quest. I want to be back to Camelot on a fortnight” said Arthur and soon he was making all the preparations for the quest. He was studying the best route for the Perilous Lands when Morgana surprised him with a visit with Guinevere following behind. Arthur’s heart swelled seeing his beloved, but the maid remained with her eyes casted down. His musings were interrupted by Morgana’s emotional statements and concerns against the prince’s quest and her declaration of how disappointed she was with Uther’s actions. Arthur was a little surprised by Morgana’s clear antagonism against the King. One year and a half ago this would be common. But since Morgana’s disappearance and rescue, the King’s ward seemed mellower and subdue. She no longer fought his father in any instance. She was more accepting of his wills these days. Maybe that was a good sign. A sign that the old Morgana was back. And without Merlin by his side to make him see his many faults and errors, or the shy wisdom of Guinevere, a judgmental Morgana would be a good help. She has been supporting him in the past weeks. 

“Before you go, I want to give you something for your journey” said Morgana. She opened a handkerchief that she was holding and showed Arthur a beautiful bracelet. 

“I want you to use it in your arm. It is a token for good fortune. Please, use it for me. I hope that it could bring you back faster to us” said Morgana shyly. 

“Thank you Morgana” said Arthur touched. “I will use it with honour”. He kissed her in the cheek. Morgana made her leave.

For a very brief moment, Arthur’s and Gwen’s eyes meet. Arthur could be wrong but he thought that he saw concern and, he was hoping, love in Guinevere’s beautiful brown eyes before the maid did a brief bow, turned around and left his chambers behind Morgana. A feeling of longing took the prince’s heart and once again Arthur was cursing the day that he made the worst mistake of his life.

Guinevere was also touched by her brief encounter with the prince. Her heart was so confused. How could she love someone that had hurt so terribly a dear friend of her? How could a man so full of value could have committed such a horrible crime? How could she combine in her head and her heart these two man, a brave and honourable prince. A man who never hesitated when in face of any danger, no matter how great, in order to protect his kingdom. And a man who had hurt and took away the virtue of an innocent girl, a dear friend and after, he lied to her loved ones about it. Gwen’s heart was torn. Mainly because she, like almost everyone in this kingdom, could see the regret in the prince’s eyes. She could see that behind every action, every word, every expression of the prince, the remorse for his terrible deeds were present. Would she able to forgive him someday? Guinevere stopped her musings for the moment because there were more pressing issues that she had to take care of. And these pressing issues had everything about Arthur’s dangerous quest.

Gwen remembered two nights before in the dining chambers. Morgana was so caught up in her dreams of power that after her meal, she rose from her chair and made her way back to her chambers completely forgotten that she was not alone. Guinevere was attending her mistress and she had listened the entire debate between the King and his ward. 

Since Morgana was rescued, Gwen had notice that her mistress behaviour had changed. Morgana seemed less rebellious, more cautious, and, a bit fragile. She also seemed more caring and affectionate towards Arthur, less competitive about him, when before was always a natural defiance, like two siblings fighting for their parent’s attention. But after her rescue, she seemed to have lost this sense of rivalry. The king’s ward also become more subdue, more secretive. She no longer shared her feelings and fears with Gwen. Their friendship seemed faint. And her mistress' escapades during the night were noticed by her maid. Gwen didn’t know what was happening with Morgana but her instincts were telling her to not trust her former friend. And what she had seen in the evening brunch between King and ward was another evidence of her suspicions. Gwen had noticed the subtle hints of manipulation in her mistress' words. It was almost like Morgana were making the King doubt his own son. Why? Morgana has been shown for everyone to see her support for Arthur's latest views and plans for the kingdom. Why would she endanger the prince now? 

The maid had seen the strange bracelet that Morgana had gifted Arthur before. It was a day after Morgana’s last mysterious night excursion to the woods. The king’s ward was staring the token with an avid expression in her beautiful face when Gwen entered the chambers at that morning. The maid could not quite explain, but the object brought her a feeling of unease. 

_“Good morning, my lady” said Gwen startling Morgana._

_“Oh, Gwen. Good morning” answered Morgana, still eyeing the bracelet._

_“I never saw this bracelet before” said the maid. “It’s quite different ...”_

_“Yes, it is. It’s a present for Arthur. Do you want to see it?” asked Morgana with a smirk in her pale face. She extended the bracelet to Gwen and ..._

And Gwen didn’t remember ever touching the jewel. In fact, she only remembered of the bracelet now, after seeing this same object be gifted to the prince one day before his quest. This was odd. How could she have forgotten the bracelet? And why had Morgana only gifted him now if she had the jewel in her possession for almost two weeks. This seemed too strange for the young maid. She knew that the only person that could hear her suspicions without prejudice and help her was Gaius. But the court physician was not in the castle. He was sent to a nearby village to take care of an illness that was attacking young children and should only be back in the afternoon of the next day, hours after the prince was scheduled to departure in his quest.

At the dawn of the following day, with eyes full of concern and longing, Guinevere saw Arthur leave the courtyard in direction of the lower town and from there to the woods. The strange bracelet was visible in his arm. Morgana had put it on Arthur herself minutes ago. Gwen tried to be patient and while she waited Gaius, she kept vigilant of her mistress' movements. After Morgana’s evening brunch, Guinevere excused herself claiming a forgotten task and made her way towards Gaius chambers. 

After attentively listening all that Guinevere had to say Gaius had made the young maid indentify the rock in the bracelet that was given to Arthur in some old books.

“Gwen, look at these pictures. Are you certain that none of these are the stone in Arthur’s bracelet?” asked Gaius.

“Yes, I am Gaius” said Gwen, frustrated. 

“We've examined every stone imaginable. Unless...Gwen” said Gaius while retrieving a small book from his shelves. 

“Gaius, that's it!” said Gwen,

“Then it's not a stone, Gwen. It's an Eye of the Phoenix. It’s drain …” Gaius interrupted his speech when he remembered with whom he was talking. He almost had revealed to Gwen the dark magic properties of the bracelet. “It’s a jewel and may be enchanted but I will make more researches. Don’t worry my dear. It’s nothing that you must concern yourself” said Gaius. He could not reveal to Gwen that Morgana was in fact a traitor to the throne and that she was using magic to achieve her goals. It was a far too heavy burden for the young maid to carry. “Go back to your duties now. Don’t let Morgana know about your suspicions” stated Gaius. 

“But if it is enchanted, Arthur may be in danger. What can we do Gaius? And why Morgana had it with her a magical object?” Gwen’s mind was full with doubts.

“My dear, we don’t know if the object was indeed enchanted but I will do my researches. I don’t know why the Lady Morgana had this object with her, but we should not raise suspicions. She is the King’s ward and Uther loves her very much. Be cautious, my girl, and be vigilant. If you need me, you know where to find me” said Gaius.

Not a minute after Gwen had left his chambers, Gaius was retrieving the red stone that the Great Dragon had handed to him. He had to warn Kilgharrah that Morgana was acting once more.

Arthur was in danger and there was no Merlin to protect him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some lines in this chapter came from the episode 8 of series 3 - "The Eye of the Phoenix".


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be longer but I decided to break it in two parts. I hope you enjoy!

“This is the STUPIDEST thing I ever heard in my life!” exclaimed Merlin.

“It’s in times like this that I wonder how in the hell that man could had conquered a kingdom by himself” said Gwaine smirking.

“I cannot believe it. It’s such a dumb idea that I cannot even ... and Arthur ... I can’t believe that he accepted this. It’s ...” said a disbelieved Merlin.

“Stupid?” Gwaine completed. “Only the princess.”

“But it is true, young witch. And now Arthur is in route to the Perilous Lands. The journey itself is a dangerous one but the witch Morgana and her sister have already secured Arthur’s failure with the Eye of the Phoenix. He has no chance to succeed in this quest, Merlin” stated the Great Dragon.

“Dammed Uther! Stupid Arthur!” scolded Merlin shaking her head in denial. She knew that this would happen someday. Morgana would not give up of her fight against the Pendragons, even if she was a Pendragon herself. Since Merlin had run away from her supposed destiny, she knew that it would come the day when she would have to face it again. But now that this day had arrived, she didn’t know what to do. Her heart was torn. 

Sensing the hesitation in his kin, Kilgharrah decided to act. With a flash of his yellow eyes, the Great Dragon put Merlin’s traveller companion to sleep.

“Gwaine!” screamed Merlin while seeing her friend falling in the forest ground. She carefully gathered Gwaine’s head in her hands and shook him trying to awake the man. “What did you do?” she questioned the Dragon with a furious voice.

“Don’t worry young witch. Your friend is only sleeping. I sensed that you would not want him to hear what we will talk about now” answered the Dragon, eying the girl. “Despite of what happened, you have to aid Arthur, Merlin.”

“I can’t Kilgharrah. You have no idea of what you are asking of me. You have no idea of what is happening to me” answered Merlin with a distraught voice.

“I’m your kin Merlin. I can see through you. I know that you are carrying Arthur’s offspring in your womb” said Kilgharrah.

“So you know. Tell me, what the prophesy has to say about that? What will happen if Arthur discover that I’m carrying his child? Can you see my destiny now?” demanded Merlin.

“No, Merlin. I can’t. Arthur’s actions put in motion a new set of events whose denouement cannot be predicted” stated Kilgharrah.

“See, even you don’t know. I can’t face him. I can’t forgive him. This was not what was supposed to happen. He betrayed me Kilgharrah. He set my life into a course that was not supposed to be” said Merlin with tears in her eyes. “How can I face him again?”

“How can you not, Merlin? Without you, he and all Albion are lost” stated the dragon.

“Albion? Is it all that you care about? Your precious Albion?” replied Merlin.

“Merlin ...” said Kilgharrah.

“How could you put me in this position? You, my kin! You supposed to understand me. What would you do if you were in my place? What if you had to face and help Uther? Would you do it? ... No, you wouldn’t. You would kill him in an instant” said Merlin.

“Yes Merlin, I would. But even us being kin, we are different. You are different Merlin. I killed hundreds of people without hesitation. I can live with it. But not you, young witch. This hatred is not part of your soul. You could never live with such a burden. And I know that you could never live with yourself if you let Arthur die. He has no chance of succeed in this quest Merlin. Without you, Arthur will die” stated Kilgharrah.

“I don’t wish his death but I don’t know how to help him. I don’t want to see his face, Kilgharrah. I ... so many things have changed” said Merlin, seeming lost.

“The prince has changed too Merlin. What happened between you two left a mark in Arthur’s life. He is starting to take the steps to become the man that you always believed he would be” said Kilgharrah. Seeing the uncertainty in Merlin’s eyes, the dragon continued. “He had come forward and confessed his crime against you. He demanded a punishment.” 

“He ... he what?” asked Merlin incredulous.

“Merlin, Arthur is not the same man that you left in Camelot” said Kilgharrah. 

“I ... I don’t want to see him again ... but I cannot let him die. I have to do something, but I’m afraid” confessed Merlin, tears falling from her eyes.

“I know that you are facing a crossroad Merlin. But your heart is your great strength. That’s why you are Emrys. You will know what to do. And you are not alone. I think that your friend will not hesitate in aiding you” said Kilgharrah in the same time that Gwaine started to wake up.

“Remember young witch, the future of Albion is in your hands. Go to the Perilous Lands. The Once and Future King needs your help” and with this last words, the Great Dragon took flight.

After a few minutes, the silence in the clearing is broken by Gwaine, who was still lying in Merlin’s arms.

“He put me to sleep and after that he didn’t even say goodbye. How rude of him!”

_‘Pray Gwaine to change the mood’_ , thought Merlin. With a faint smile to her friend, she replied “Well, dragons are not known for their politeness” Merlin’ smile grown.

“Care to explain me why the hell he had to knock me up?” asked Gwaine while standing up.

“Sorry about that. Kilgharrah wanted to have a private conversation with me. Dragons can be secretive sometimes” answered Merlin. She knew that she was not being totally sincere with her friend and she sensed that Gwaine understood that. Her face must be red and wet from tears after her chat with Kilgharrah, but for his credit Gwaine didn’t say anything about it.

“So, we have a trip to the Perilous Lands?” asked Gwaine smirking.

“Yeah, although I have no idea how to get there. Would you in your previous adventures have ever been there before?” asked Merlin.

“Not there, but nearby, yes. Actually, we are closer to those lands than your princess were when he left Camelot. So, although he had begun yesterday his journey, we can meet him if we hurry now” said Gwaine. “Are you ready, Merlin bird?” he asked, extending his hand to Merlin in order to help her to stand up.

Merlin took the inviting hand, collected her thoughts and looking her friend she said with conviction “Yes, I’m ready. Let’s go save the prat”.

“Tell me my bird. Do you have anything against an emergency loan?”asked Gwaine with an amused expression.

“A loan? What?” questioned Merlin.

 

Two hours later the two friends were riding their “borrowed” horses in full speed. 

“I cannot believe that we done that!” shouted Merlin from her horse.

“I cannot believe that you threw me from a building into a stack of hay!” replied Gwaine shouting and smiling.

“I cannot believe that I jumped voluntarily into one!” Merlin shouted back also smiling.

They continued riding only stopping for a quick lunch. Gwaine made sure that Merlin was alright before getting back to their path. He didn’t tell Merlin but he was quite worried with her after she jumped from the building, a dangerous action for anyone and even more for a pregnant girl.

It was the middle of the afternoon when the two friends had to leave the horses and continue on foot because of the hills and many trees in their way. Merlin casted a spell on the animals to ensure that nobody would steal them, what was kind of ironic. A few minutes later they stumble on a precarious wooden bridge. Gwaine instructed Merlin to stay hidden while he scouted the bridge. Just as Gwaine left, Merlin walked directly to the bridge where she was startled by a very short man whom the witch was quite certain was not there minutes ago. 

“So, Magic has arrived. And brings Hope with her” said the short man.

“What?” asked Merlin.

“There is nothing to be afraid of. Your presence is essential if Arthur is to succeed on his quest” answered the strange man.

“How do you know about Arthur? Who are you?” asked a puzzled Merlin.

“My name is Grettir. I am the Keeper of the Bridge. I only wish to see the Fisher King's lands restored and prosperity reign again. Until your mission is complete, this cannot happen.”

“Well, it's not really my mission, it's Arthur's. A quest for glory and honour and ...” said Merlin.

“That's what you choose to believe. It's no accident that Arthur chose this path or you chose to follow him” the man was saying just as Gwaine arrived.

“Ah, Finally! Strength has arrived, the quartet is complete, although I was expecting only a trio. I wonder what is the role of Hope in the future events” stated Grettir looking Merlin’s belly.

Startled and feeling protective of Merlin and her baby, Gwaine drew his sword and pointed it to the short man’s chest. 

“Who's he?” asked Gwaine, only to see his sword turned into a flower.

“I mean no harm to either of you. And I'd thank you to mean no harm in return” said a counterfeit Grettir.

“Where's my sword?” demanded Gwaine.

“It will return to you once you reach the other side” replied Grettir.

An angry Gwaine crossed the bridge holding Merlin’s hand. The witch stopped for a moment to hear Grettir's last words.

“The Fisher King has waited many years for this day. Do not deny him what he wishes. And remember, nothing is as it seems.”

With a nod, Merlin followed Gwaine to the other side of the bridge. When she looked back, there was no Grettir.

“Merlin my friend, there are some things that only happens near you. It’s amazing!” Gwaine said smiling.

“It's amazes me too sometimes ” retorted Merlin.

“So, by what that little man said the prat princess is ahead of us” said Gwaine.

“Yeah, he is” said Merlin sounding a little upset.

“Merlin bird, I know that this trip is difficult for you. I myself have to confess that I’m not so found of the idea to face the princess after what happened to you” stated Gwaine.

“What do you mean?” asked Merlin startled. She didn’t remember of telling Gwaine exactly what had happened in Camelot. She only said about a nobleman. No names.

“Well, he should have protected you back there and not allowed a nobleman – _this word spoke with disdain_ – to hurt you and get away without punishment” answered Gwaine.

“Kilgharrah said that the one who ... who hurt me was punished. Arthur demanded it” said Merlin, remembering the words of the Great Dragon. _‘Could Arthur really had confessed his crimes and demanded for a punishment? And what kind of punishment? Had he said my name? I hope not.’_ Merlin was lost in her musings and almost didn’t hear Gwaine speaking to her.

“So this is good news, isn’t?” asked Gwaine. His expression turn a little sad when he made another question. “Are you going back to Camelot after this?” _‘I cannot be selfish. Camelot is her home. If she wants to get back, she will get back and I will be happy for her. I have to be happy for her’_ thought Gwaine.

“No, I don’t think so. I know that the man who hurt me is already free so, I believe that whatever punishment given to a nobleman, it must have been a mild one” said Merlin. “And I don’t want anybody to know that I’m with child. Especially this man. So, please Gwaine, when we encounter Arthur, you must say nothing to him. Promise me” asked Merlin. She didn’t want to think of what Arthur would do if he find out.

“Don’t worry, young witch. Your secret is safe with me” swore Gwaine.

“Hey, don’t call me young witch. This is the way Kilgharrah call me. I like when you call me bird” confessed Merlin shyly.

“Oh, you like it, my bird? My little sweet bird” poked Gwaine.

“Oi ... haven’t we talk about the misuse of the word 'little' every time in referring to me?” said Merlin smirking. 

The two friends continued their journey until there was no light to them to be able to see where they were going. Merlin was exhausted and hungry. Gwaine collected a few fallen branches and with an aid of her magic, Merlin started a fire to keep them warm. After they ate some dried meat and fruits and drank some water from their meagre provisions they sit side by side in a fallen log in front of the fire.

“You know, you too amaze me sometimes Gwaine,” said Merlin.

“Me? How so?” asked the rough man.

“You are so accepting of me and my magic. In the last two days you saw me knocking up bandits, talking to a dragon and you agree to escort me to a dangerous place without even blink” stated Merlin. “One of my greatest fears about my secret being revealed was people whom I care the most about would not trust me enough. I always expect to see fear from them but you had only shown acceptance” said Merlin eyeing her friend.

“I could never fear you Merlin. I’m fascinated by you and I confess that each day brings a new surprise from you, but I could never fear you. How could I?” replied Gwaine.

“But why not? It would be a normal reaction according to the circumstances” said Merlin lowering her head.

“Merlin bird, you see, I may look like a fool, a crazy drunken bum, but I have to say that I’m an excellent judge of character. I can tell a lot about a man, or a woman, only by looking in their eyes.” When Merlin looked into his eyes, Gwaine continued with a soothing voice. “When I first saw you on that tavern months ago and than when I woke up in your bed on the next day, I saw in your eyes the purest soul that I have ever encountered in my life, in all my travelling years through all these lands.”

“You are mistaken Gwaine. I not pure anymore” said Merlin with a sad voice. “And I’m not talking only about my body. How someone who had taken the life of others could be pure?”asked Merlin.

“And in what occasions have this happened? When you were protecting the ones you love, I’m sure. And fights against bandits don’t count. Have you ever taken a life from someone when was not in self defence?” questioned Gwaine.

“Once ... almost” Merlin confessed. Seeing the puzzled expression of her travel companion, she continued. “About two years ago, the witch Morgause woke up the knights of Medhir and sent them to Camelot. She put an enchantment in all the citizens of the lower town and the castle's habitants, sending all of them into a deep sleep. Arthur and I were not in Camelot. Uther had send us and a few knights to investigate the smoke in the citadel of Idirsholas. The legend says that when the fires of Idirsholas burn, the knights of Medhir would ride again. And we had indeed encountered them there. In the fight the Camelot knights were killed. Only Arthur and I survived. We didn’t know that Morgause was behind that magic. When Arthur and I arrived back in the castle, we found everyone sleeping. The town’s people, the guards, the knights, the servants, everyone. Arthur was really worried about his father so we went in search of the king. In the castle we discovered that only one person was still awake, Morgana” Merlin paused. Gwaine motioned her to continue.

“She was distressed and could not understand why she was the only one still awake. It was when Arthur saw from the batlements the approach of the five knights of Medhir with an unknown knight leading them. Later we discovered that this mysterious knight was Morgause. Arthur assumed correctly that Morgause’s main goal would be to kill the king so we were trying to take Uther away from Camelot, but the two of us started to feel the effects of the enchantment. Only Morgana seemed immune to that. We decided to disguise the king in servant’s clothes in order to confound the knights of Medhir while we devise a better escape plan. I seize the opportunity to seek the dragon’s help. He must knew what was happening. And he knew indeed. He told me that the enchantment that Morgause had cast would need a vessel, a constant living presence to give them strength.”

“And this vessel was Morgana” Gwaine assumed.

“Yes, it was her. But the worst part was that in order to break the spell I should eliminate the vessel. I should kill Morgana” said Merlin, tears rolling down her face. “I .. I could not do it Gwaine, I could not. She was my friend back there. She had confided me her secret, her magic. I could not kill her. But I had to ... I had to.”

“Of course you had Merlin” Gwaine said, holding Merlin’s hand in his. 

“She was so frightened Gwaine. I think that she didn’t know well of Morgause’s plans. And the way that she looked at me when she realized that I had poisoned her ... I will never forget her eyes” _‘Betrayal. So much sorrow, so much pain’_ thought Merlin.

“It was not your fault Merlin. It was an impossible choice ... and you see, Morgana is still alive. You didn’t kill her” stated Gwaine.

“Only because Morgause saved her in the last minute. I had to make a bargain, Morgana’s life in exchange of the end of the enchantment and the magic surrounding the Knights of Medhir. Morgana is alive but my actions set her in a direct course to the darkness. It’s all my fault” said Merlin. 

“You had no choice. If you hadn't broken the enchantment, how many lives would be lost, Merlin?” Gwaine said trying to calm his dear friend.

“Do you want to know how many lives I save? First I have to tell you that I had to make another bargain that day. Kilgharrah’s help didn’t come without a price. In order to help me to end the enchantment, he demanded that I released him from his prison. I knew it that that was not going to be a good thing. I felt it in my heart Gwaine, but even so I freed him. I freed him and he attacked the castle and the lower town. Men, women, children, dozens of them, violently killed because of me. Because of me, Gwaine. Because of me.” Merlin started to sob.

Gwaine could not see Merlin so helpless anymore and gathered the frail girl in his arms. Merlin painfully sobbed into Gwaine’s firm embrace. The enormous guilt that was hidden inside Merlin's heart was finally surfacing. 

“It was another impossible choice Merlin. One that should had never been placed upon you. It was not your fault my bird. You cannot be responsible for the paths that others chose to follow. Kilgharrah chose the path of vengeance against a kingdom that kept him prisoner for years. Morgana chose to follow her twisted sister. It’s not your fault Merlin, it’s not” said Gwaine holding the girl with tenderness.

“But it is Gwaine. Morgana was living in constant fear of Uther discovering her magic. She needed someone to help her, to guide her. I could have helped her, telling her about me. See, we were the same. But I keep my silence. I didn’t trust her like she had trusted me. And than I tried to kill her. So she went to Morgause” confessed Merlin.

“No, Merlin. You are reading this all wrong. Yes, you two have magic. You two suffered from the fear of the king. But see, you two are also very different. Despite all the dangers that you have encountered. Despite all the prejudice against magic and magic users that you face every day, you are still in the path of peace. You didn’t allow your heart turn to evil. Morgana have decided to take a different path. She have chosen the path of darkness, of revenge, of hate. It was her choice to make. You cannot be responsible for this. We all chose the path that we want to follow, sweetheart” said Gwaine with conviction. “And seeing your reaction, your pain for Morgana’s choice and for Kilgharrah’s victims only proves that my assumptions of you are correct Merlin. See, you are not indifferent to the suffering of others. You have a kindness in your heart that has no measure, my bird. Don’t ever doubt it” said Gwaine kissing Merlin’s forehead. Merlin’s sobs began to lessen and Gwaine gently raised her chin in order to look in his friend’s eyes.

“That’s why I ask you again Merlin, how could I fear something so pure, so beautiful like you?” questioned Gwaine.

“You ... you find me beautiful?” asked faintly Merlin.

“You are the most beautiful woman that I have ever seen Merlin. Inside and out. And the most precious one” said Gwaine and in an impulsive gesture the rough man kissed tenderly Merlin’s lips.

It was a brief kiss. When it ended Gwaine eyed his friend with concern. Merlin’s expression was unreadable.

“Merlin, oh Merlin, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have ...” Gwaine tried to explain but Merlin interrupted him.

“No, Gwaine. I liked it. Could you ... could you ...” 

“Could I what?”asked Gwaine.

“Could you do it again? Could you ... kiss me again?” asked Merlin.

Gwaine’s only answer was to hold Merlin in his arms and to kiss her with all the emotions that he was feeling in that moment and Merlin reciprocated with the same intensity. It was not a kiss of lust. To the young woman, it was a kiss full with wishes of forgiveness and redemption. To the handsome man, it was a kiss full of feelings of love, and hope. The kiss was so powerful and in the same way so gentle and lovely. Gwaine’s heart was soaring. Merlin’s heart was floating and beating so fast. She didn’t know what this kiss really meant. Was a kiss of gratitude or it was more? Gwaine knew that Merlin’s emotions were too raw at that moment but he didn’t care. He would tell in his kiss all that he didn’t dare to say with his words. Moments before the kiss' end, a single tear run down Merlin’s face. The two friends eyed each other for a moment.

“Thank you” said a breathless Merlin.

“You’re welcome” replied a shaken Gwaine.

“We must sleep now. Tomorrow will be a difficult day” said Merlin.

“Yes, we must” replied Gwaine.

Merlin was the first to move. She raised herself from the fallen log and prepared her makeshift bed in front of the fire. Moments later, Gwaine did the same, laying his makeshift bed a few feet from the girl.

“Good night Gwaine”

“Good night Merlin”

The rough man and the young witch slept that night almost side by side. Their minds full of impossible dreams and their hearts calm and happy. It was a good night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter brings lines from the following episodes:
> 
> Series 2, episode 12 - The Fires of Idirsholas
> 
> Series 3, episode 8 - The Eye of the Phoenix
> 
> Next chapter - Arthur's rescue


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting two chapters today! Truly sorry for the delay!

Prince Arthur was having a really bad day. He almost died several times in this so called journey to prove his worth as the future king. The first time, bandits attacked him while he was distracted. His mind was having difficulty in concentration since he had left Camelot. But even alone he was able to defeat all the bandits, thanks to his swordskill and fight experience. Later, he encountered a strange little man on a narrow and precarious bridge. Then, he almost drowned while trying to cross a very deep and foggy bog. His body screamed exhaustion, but he could not stop. The sooner he fulfilled this stupid quest, the sooner he would be back home. And the first thing he would do after delivering the golden trident to his father it would be to lock himself in his quarters and sleep for a week. Never before he had felt so weary. But despite his tired condition, at last, Arthur had found the Fisher King’s ruined castle. But, of course, nothing could be easy. And now, Arthur found himself in a small room on this decrepit castle facing two creatures that resembled dragons. His body barely responding, his head heavy, his arm without the strength to raise his sword. He had failed. The mighty, feared and skilful crowned Prince of Camelot was defeated, but not in a battle for his kingdom or in the protection of innocents from evil threats. No, the prince was defeated by the mad concepts of honour and value stated by his own father. And in the last seconds before losing consciousness, Arthur could not refrain himself in thinking what would his former friend Merlin say if she saw him now ... _“Arthur, you truly are a clothpole”._

\---

Merlin and Gwaine were having a very different morning. After a quick and awkward breakfast, the two friends gathered their belongings and prepared themselves for their trip. They were being very quiet, almost shy towards one another, only sharing looks and timid smiles. Merlin thought it was kind of funny to see Gwaine so reserved, almost shy, but she herself didn’t know how to act toward her friend after the events of the previous night. She had had her first kiss, or kisses, because there were two. And they were so tender and loving. Her heart had beaten so fast and she felt as she was swooning. It was all so gentle and so, so good. And so different of her first experience with a man. So different of the violence and fear that she had suffered when Arthur had ... _“No, stop Merlin. Stop with this thoughts right now. You have a mission to fulfil and you can’t surrender yourself to bitter thoughts. Focus.”_

“Merlin, are you all right?” asked a concerned Gwaine.

“What?” asked Merlin suddenly realising that she was standing still in the middle of the process of pack her bedroll. “Oh, yes, yes, I’m fine Gwaine. I was just thinking about our journey. That’s all.” 

“You seemed a little distressed for a while” respond Gwaine. “Are you certain that you are all right?”

His obvious concern about her brought a warm feeling in her heart. “I’m fine Gwaine. I was just thinking about seeing Arthur again. I really don’t know how I feel about this. We really didn’t say our goodbyes in the best of ways, you know. I’m kind of nervous to face him again”. 

“Do not worry my friend. I’m sure that the princess will be very glad to seeing you again. He is probably missing his faithful and merry shadow. And I know you, Merlin. You are not the type to hold grudges. I’m sure that with no time you two will be exchanging affectionate insults” said Gwaine, although if Merlin was less worried and more attentive she would have noticed a slight sadness on her travel companion’s statement.

“Yeah ... all right, let me finish packing”, said Merlin absently.

Soon the two friends were resuming their journey through the Perilous Lands only stopping in two occasions. The first one, when Merlin had to use her magic to solidify the mud of a deep bog that they encountered on their path. _“How Arthur could have passed through this thing?”_ thought Merlin. The second stop was even less merry. Merlin’s morning sickness made the poor witch loose her breakfast. Gwaine encouraged the girl to rest for a while and helped her to clean her mouth and face. Merlin’s thoughts once again get back to Arthur and their very near future encounter. 

“Gwaine, do I look pregnant to you?” asked Merlin.

“What?”

“I’m asking if I look pregnant only by sight. I think that I have already a little belly but is it visible to you?” asked the witch. 

“Oh, I have to say no, my bird. You look thin as a rail to me. And speaking of it, I think that we will have to find something to sooth your stomach a little, Merlin. You are, for my estimates, about four months pregnant. I believe that you should appear chubbier right now. I think that it would be good to look for a healer or something after you aid the princess. Although you could always get back to Camelot with Arthur and see Gaius” stated Gwaine, a little subdue in the end.

“What? No, Gwaine. This is precisely the reason I could never get back there. And the most important thing is that Arthur cannot know that I’m with child, all right? You cannot tell him” demanded a distraught Merlin. 

“But why, Merlin? I know that things are not the best between you two but I think that he could help you better than I could” said Gwaine. He was not happy about his statement but he was really concerned about Merlin. For him, her and the baby’s health comes first than any feelings that he could be developing for the girl. 

“No Gwaine, you don’t understand. If I get back to Camelot pregnant, the ... the fa ... father of my baby would known. He could try to take the baby from me or he could ... I don’t know. Please, Gwaine. I know that I am a burden to you now, but please, please, promise me you won’t tell him” said Merlin on a verge of a panic attack. 

“Hey, hey, don’t you worry. I will not tell him anything” said Gwaine in a soothing voice while tenderly embracing Merlin in his arms. “I promise I won’t tell him anything. And, bird, you could never be a burden to me. Not you and not your mini you. So, let’s get back to this dumb quest and save princess prat, all right?” asked Gwaine while freeing the girl from his arms. 

“And then we will be back to our own quest through the five kingdoms” stated Merlin while brushing the tears from her face and smiling to her travel companion. “Gods, I hate all this tears. Gaius always said that pregnant women are very emotional, but this is ridiculous. I think that I have cried these last days more than I cried as a child” stated Merlin, embarrassed. 

“No worries my friend. Your knight in shining armour or ... let’s say bum in worn clothes, is ready to save the beautiful girl” teased Gwaine delivering a handkerchief to Merlin dry her tears. 

Merlin accepted the handkerchief. “Well, who needs a shining armour when you have the most skilled and brave swordsman of the five kingdom’s by your side” Merlin replied. 

“You forgot to mention the most charming and handsome one” teased Gwaine.

“And the most humble too” said Merlin with a smile on her face. “Let’s go. I cannot even imagine how many trouble the prat had got into by now.”

A few hours later, the two friends could already see the decrepit castle of the Fisher King but what caused a chill on Merlin’s skin was the image of creatures that looked like small dragons flying above of a small figure that resembled ... 

“It’s Arthur! Look Gwaine!” cried Merlin.

“Wyverns! He is being surrounded by wyverns!” stated Gwaine alarmed. Seeing the confused look of the girl, Gwaine elaborated. “Distant cousins of dragons. They're creatures of magic.”

Thinking fast, Merlin sent a rush of wind in the direction of the flying creatures successfully chasing them away from their prey. Gwaine and Merlin noticed that the prince didn’t waste time when he saw the horrible creatures retreating. He entered the castle and started his search for the relic. 

“Let’s go Gwaine. With Arthur’s uncanny ability to get himself in peril, we have little time to get to him” said the young witch while making her way in the direction of the ruined construction.

When both friends entered the Fisher King's old castle, they saw different paths. 

“Well, the best we could do is to split up and search for Arthur. I’m going this way” stated the girl, pointing to a decadent arch. 

“Wait a minute. I’m not sure if is safe for you to be alone here, Merlin” said Gwaine, not enjoying the idea of leaving the girl alone. 

“Gwaine, we don’t have much time. This place must be surrounded by traps. Please, don’t worry about me. You know now that I’m not so helpless like you thought before. If we take different directions we will be twice faster to find Arthur. Go now and be careful” stated Merlin with a kind smile.

Gwaine approached the girl and gave her a tender kiss on her forehead. “You too bird, take care. And good luck!” said Gwaine, turning to a different pathway and disappearing in a narrow corridor. 

Merlin took the path that she had chosen before and started the search the prince. After about fifteen minutes on her search, Merlin heard a sound coming by a room nearby. It sounded like the screams of the flying creatures. Moving fast, the witch entered the room to find two wyverns slowly approaching the unconscious body of Arthur Pendragon. The witch stood between the prince and the wyverns and, remembering the words of Gwaine about the creatures, Merlin used the dragon language to send them away. The wyverns seemed to hesitate before following her command but they left the room. After taking a long breath, the witch crouched near the prince and started to check his body for injures. Arthur’s appearance was not good. He was very pale, sweaty and his breathing was shallow. It was not long before the girl to find in the prince’s arm the enchanted bracelet whose stone was glowing with a strange shade of yellow. Acting quickly, Merlin took the bracelet from Arthur’s arm and saved it in her pocket. She would destroy the hideous enchanted piece later. Checking Arthur again, the young witch could already see the improvement on the prince’s breathing and colour. But he was still unconscious and Merlin was not sure if she really wanted to wake up the prince. Because when Arthur was sleeping, Merlin could easily see her dear friend, the prat who used to tease her and demand stupid tasks such as to muck the stables or mend holes in shoes but at the same time he could leave all his royal responsibilities behind in order to search for a flower that could save the life of his maidservant threatened by a magical poison; or to save her childhood village from evil bandits with only his sword and the help of a noble woman, two maids and farm people with no knowledge of battles. But Merlin knew that the moment that Arthur open his eyes, she would no longer see her friend. She would have to face again the man who had destroyed her faith in a better future, who had betrayed her trust; a man who had took her most intimate possession by force and tainted forever something that was supposed to be special, loving, beautiful. Even so, Merlin had saved Arthur’s life again. And she was sure that that was not the last time that she would have to interfere with someone’s evil plan to bring the demise of Camelot’s crowned prince. But what was she supposed to do? Let him die? Yes, Arthur had hurt her and betrayed her but was she willing to let him go? Could she live with herself knowing that she had let Arthur alone to face enemies that she knew for sure he wouldn’t be able to defeat by himself? Morgana had striked again and once she realizes that the prince had once more escaped death, she certainly would strike again. Merlin had saved him now, but what about the next time? Merlin closed her watering eyes, head hurting from all this conflicted thoughts and feelings. 

“Merlin?” 

Arthur’s voice interrupted Merlin’s internal struggle. Slowly, the young witch opened her eyes and met Arthur’s startled and concerned gaze. 

“Hello Arthur” said Merlin. She didn’t know what to say. 

“How ...? Wha ... what are you doing here?” asked Arthur while sitting up.

“I... I saw you entering the castle and I ...” stuttered Merlin and Arthur interrupted her.

“You saw me? But ... how? Here ... in the Perilous Lands?” 

“I ... Well I...” Merlin was mentally scolding herself for not thinking in a reason to be there before rescuing Arthur. The two former friends remained speechless for a while but the silence between them were suddenly interrupted by a wyvern that had entered the chamber where they were and was ready to attack them. Arthur immediately picked up his fallen sword and put Merlin behind him. The witch rolled her eyes for the irony but before either of them could make any move, a sword protruded from behind in the creature’s belly and the wyvern fell forward dead revealing its killer, Gwaine. 

“Gwaine!” Merlin shouted bypassing Arthur and running to the rogue's arms. Her mind was still in turmoil and she needed the emotional support of her friend. 

“Are you all right, bird?” asked Gwaine, sensing the girl nervousness. 

“Yes, I get to Arthur in time”, said Merlin with a small smile.

The prince of Camelot was entirely lost in this scene. Before passing out, he was certain that death had found him. Then he woke up to the sight of his former maid crouched by his side and he was almost sure that a few moments before, he had felt her hands touching his body. And then they were saved from a magical beast by Gwaine, the courageous drunkard that he had met almost a year before. And Gwaine and Merlin seemed very close and not remotely surprised to see each other. 

“What the hell is happening?” a very confused Arthur asked.

“Oh, hello princess. Always the charmer” teased Gwaine. 

“What ... what are you two doing together? What are you doing here in the Perilous Lands? Oh Gods, I think I’m dreaming ... I must have passed out ...” said Arthur, more talking with himself.

“Uh, Gwaine, could you please give me some minutes with Arthur?” Merlin whispered to Gwaine. 

The rogue man turned his gaze to Arthur before returning his attention to the young girl.”No problem, bird. I will hunt that second wyvern that we saw earlier” said Gwaine, turning to leave but Merlin caught his hand. 

“Be careful Gwaine, please” asked Merlin. 

Gwaine gave her a small smile “Don’t you worry milady. I’ll be back soon.” And with this, he was gone.

Merlin turned to face Arthur who was looking at her with a puzzled expression. 

“I encountered Gwaine in a tavern in Essetir about one month after I left Camelot. He sort of save me from some ugly fellows. When he found out that I was no longer working for you, that I ... that I was living alone in a cave and...

“Wait a minute ... you were alone in a tavern in Essetir and Gwaine rescued you from ... and ... YOU WERE LIVING ALONE IN A CAVE??? ARE YOU MAD?” shouted Arthur. Somewhere outside the chambers, Gwaine’s laugh could be heard.

“Could you lower your voice? And it’s not of your business what I do with my life” spat Merlin.

“I know Merlin, I know that I lost the right to be part of your life a few months ago, but I thought that you would be with your mother in Ealdor. Even you could not be so stupid to know the risks of being alone and ” 

“STUPID? ME? DO YOU THINK THAT I COULD GO TO MY MOTHER AFTER WHAT HAPPENED WITH ME IN CAMELOT?” Merlin could feel her anger but took a deep breath in order to calm herself. “What should I supposedly tell her? That the mighty prince Arthur had attacked her daughter as a punish..” 

“Merlin” interrupted Arthur with a pleading voice.

“That I was violated, that I was raped by someone I should tru” 

“MERLIN, please. I know”, said Arthur with so much sorrow in his voice. “I know that I could never undone what I did to you. I know. I’m living with this guilt in my heart every day. And you may not believe me, but I really care about you. I’m just concerned with your safety, that’s all”.

Merlin remained silent for a few moments before speak again. “Well, you don’t need to worry about me” she said trying hard but failing in keep the sarcasm and bitterness away from her voice. “Gwaine didn’t like the idea of me alone either so we are in the road together since then.” 

“You don’t need to live like a nomad Merlin. You will always have a place in Camelot, you know this, don’t’ you?” tried Arthur.

“Oh, and be your faithful, naive and stupid servant once more?”said Merlin with venom.

“No, please ... this is not what I meant. Merlin I ...” Arthur lowered his head. He didn’t know what to say to the girl anymore. Some wounds are simply too deep to heal.

Merlin suddenly felt tired. She was not there to argue with the prince. And the last thing that she wanted was to Gwaine discover who was the man who had raped her. 

“All right. Let’s not talk about this anymore. What you need to know is that Gwaine knows about the attack but he does NOT know who did it” stated Merlin, calming herself.

“Oh ...” was the only sound that escaped Arthur’s lips. He felt ashamed and, once again, immensely guilty for what he had done to his friend ... former friend. 

“Yeah, oh...” replied Merlin.

For a few minutes they stayed silent, trying to calm their minds and hearts.

“And ... what are you two doing here? How did you find me?” asked Arthur.

“Well ... ahnn ... Gwaine and I, we were ...” Merlin was trying to think on an excuse. 

“You were ....?” asked Arthur.

“We were ...” Merlin tried again. 

“We were having a meal in a tavern near the south border of Camelot with Essetir. We heard a rumour about your quest for honour to the Perilous Lands” said Gwaine. He was certain that Merlin would not be able to provide a good reason for their presence in the ruined castle and therefore decided to rescue his friend. He arrived in the chamber where Merlin and Arthur were in an awkward silence but just when he was about to make his presence known, the prat prince inquired Merlin about their presence in the Perilous Lands. “You see princess, this quest of yours have all the elements to become a tale through all five kingdoms. A mad king who sends his only son and heir to retrieve a worthless ancient object in order to show that his son is ready for the throne? And to make the said quest more thrilling, he orders his son alone in this quest but don’t make a secret of it. He announces it to all his court that his son will have to travel very very close to enemy territory by himself. There are bets about this, my friend” stated Gwaine. 

“There are bets about me?” asked Arthur.

“Indeed there are, princess. Why do you think that Merlin and I came to your rescue? We had to secured our victory. We bet fifteen gold coins on you, you know? And we don’t have fifteen gold coins to pay if you lose” said Gwaine, grinning. Merlin was speechless. She was astonished by Gwaine’s ability to create plausible false stories. This ability would had been very useful for her all the times that she had to cover her magical deeds from Arthur. 

“So is this the reason you had decided to come to my rescue?” asked Arthur incredulous.

“Oh princess, you wound me. Why do you think so low of us? Of course this was not the only reason. Like someone who had travelled these forsaken lands before, I was sure that you would get in trouble. Although fifteen gold coins are a very good prize, our mainly goal was to rescue your royal buttocks” said Gwaine in a mocking hurt expression. Merlin was trying hard not to laugh. 

“We thought that would not be a problem for us to follow you from a safe distance. If we sensed that you were about to get in trouble we could make something without directly interfering in your search for honour and bravery” stated Gwaine. “And this way, nobody could say that we cheated”.

“And you could collect your gold” finished Arthur.

“Precisely” agreed Gwaine.

Arthur eyed the two friends. Gwaine’s face remained with that stupid grim of his. Merlin tried to avoid the prince stare. Arthur was almost sure that Gwaine was lying. A bet was not the reason behind his rescue. The thought that Merlin could be concerned about his safety brought a pleasant and hopeful feeling to his heart. She was hurt but she still cared. 

“Well, in order to us collect our gold, you must finish your task Arthur, so ...” said Merlin, trying to end that embarrassing moment. 

“Yes, yes Merlin. You are right” said Arthur, noticing the anxiety in Merlin’s tone. She had saved him, but she looked eager to leave him again.

Arthur turned to exit the room, followed by the two friends. The search for the golden trident was a silent one. All three were deep in thoughts. The prince, hoping for a day that maybe Merlin would forgive him. The young witch, thinking and worrying about how she could protect Arthur from Morgana’s schemes from afar. And Gwaine, anguished and fearing that maybe this was the last time that Merlin and him would be together. 

The trio passed by several rooms and chambers up and down several staircases but they didn’t find any sign or clue that could lead them to the golden trident. They were passing through a corridor in the top of one of the castle towers when Merlin felt tendrils of magic coming from a room. 

“Hey, look at this. Looks like a throne room” said Merlin. 

Gwaine and Arthur were almost on the pavement stairs when the young witch called them. 

“Well, if the trident's going to be anywhere...” said Arthur approaching the room with Gwaine by his side. 

Merlin could not resist the pull from the foreign magic and entered the room. When she took a step inside the room, the stone above her started to descend. 

“Merlin, watch out” screamed Gwaine, acting fast and pushing Merlin into the room to prevent the girl being smashed by the heavy stone door.

“Merlin?!” Gwaine yelled. 

Both Gwaine and Arthur pressed their ears against the door in an attempt to hear the former maid in the now secluded room.

“Merlin?! Are you alright?!” yelled Arthur. No sound came from the room.

“There's got to be a way to open this” said Gwaine, searching for a mechanism or anything that could open the door.

Inside the trap room, Merlin was trying to reach her companions too.

“Gwaine?! Arthur?!” yelled Merlin.

Without success, Merlin turned around in order to inspect the room in search of an escape way. She was surprised by the presence of a very, very old man sitting on a throne. The man was almost grey and covered in cobwebs. In his head, few very white hairs and an ancient crown. The Fisher King, Merlin realised. The young witch remembered what the Great Dragon said about the ancient ruler of the Perilous Lands. 

_“The Fisher King was a sorcerer who lived many hundreds of years ago. He was wounded in battle. The wound festered and the infection spread, not just through his body, but through his lands as well. His mighty kingdom was reduced to a wasteland, and it has remained that way to this very day. Some believe the Fisher King's still alive, kept from death by his magic”_ the dragon explained.

Respectfully in the presence of the ancient King, Merlin bowed her head.

“So, Emrys, you are here at last” said the Fisher King.

“So, you are still alive” stated Merlin.

“For now” answered the Fisher King.

Merlin didn’t quite understand the ancient man words. He seemed a very sad and lonely man. ‘Of course he is lonely Merlin. He is in this tower for hundreds of years’ thought the girl. Her musings were interrupted by sounds coming from the closed stone door.

“That would be...” said Merlin.

“Your friends Courage and Strength, I know. Without their help, you and Hope would not be here” stated the Fisher King, eyeing Merlin’s belly.

Instinctively, Merlin put her arms around her belly to protect her child.

“You understand that the prince is Courage and your rebel friend is Strength. You Emrys, are Magic, of course. But the little traveller that you brought with you is unexpected” said the Fisher King.

“But you called them Hope” stated Merlin. 

“It’s the best suited name for your offspring, Emrys. Because this birth although not predicted, has the power to change the tides of destiny, for better or for worse. Your destiny and all Albion’s are now hanging by a thread. Hope’s role will be decisive when the right time comes” the Fisher King said.

Merlin was speechless for a moment. 

Outside the room, Arthur and Gwaine were trying hopelessly move the stone door and recue Merlin.

“Now I'm sure if we just reach in here...” said Arthur while pulling out a brick. Insects came pouring out from inside the hole. “...we'll be able to find something to release the door” continue the prince, disgusted. 

“Go on, then” said Gwaine, laughing. “Don't be such a princess. It is your quest, after all.”

Arthur scowled at the man. The prince adjusted his glove before reaching into the hole full of insects.

“Maybe this time you do something for her” said Gwaine with a little venom in his voice.

“What do you mean?” asked Arthur, taking his hand off the hole.

“Oh no, your highness. Don’t stop your efforts because of me” said Gwaine, indicating the hole in the wall and motioning Arthur to continue his work. “And you know what I mean. You should had helped Merlin, protected her and not let a nasty noble man hurt her. Have you at least found the scumbag?”

Arthur’s heart was hurting. It pained him to listen someone voice his sins. He would like nothing more than confess to Gwaine what he had done. He was certain that the drunkard would beat him to a pulp if he found out that he was the attacker. He deserved that beating. But Merlin had asked him to not say anything. 

“The scumbag was indentified. Actually, he came forward and confessed his crime. He was punished according to the law” said Arthur. 

“Oh, according to the laws to nobles, you mean. I bet he is free as a bird right now while Merlin has to deal with the aftermath of her attack. You royals disgust me with all your words of honour and justice and duty. It’s all empty words. There is no meaning, no value in them if your sense of justice is made accordingly to your title” started Gwaine. He was furious inside. He could not stop thinking in the helplessness that Merlin was feeling when she confessed to him her rape and pregnancy. 

Arthur was once again ashamed of what he had done. “You may not believe me, Gwaine. But I agree with you” said Arthur, resuming his efforts to open the door.

Gwaine remained quiet. He was not expecting the prince compliance to his words. Maybe Merlin’s attack had affected the prince more than he knew.

In the rotten throne room, the two magical beings continued their conversation. 

“What is it you want?” asked Merlin.

“I want an end to my suffering” said the Fisher King, sighing.

“You want to die.”

“I have been waiting all these years for the arrival of a new time: the time of the Once and Future King” stated the Fisher King.

“I've heard these words before” Merlin replied.

“And you will hear them again. For that time is dawning, and my time finally can come to an end. This is why you were brought here. For this is not Arthur's quest, it is yours. Arthur thinks the prize is the trident” said the Fisher King letting the trident fall to the floor before continuing. “But the real prize is something far greater.” A glass vial appeared in the King's hand. “Water from the Lake of Avalon. I've kept it safe these years, waiting for the right person to claim it. And that is you. You are the one chosen.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Merlin.

“Albion's time of need is near. And in that dark hour you must be strong, for you alone can save her. Your powers are great, but you will need help. And that is what I'm giving you” said the Fisher King, delivering the vial to Merlin.

“When all seems lost, this will show you the way” said the King.

“Thank you” replied Merlin. She looked at the vial examining the patters and letters on it.

“I have given you a gift. Now you must give me one in return” stated the Fisher King.

“But I have nothing to give” said Merlin. 

The Fisher King stood up and moaned. It was like he was standing up for the first time in many years.

“I think you do” he said.

Merlin was puzzled for a moment and then she pulled out of her clothes the Eye of the Phoenix bracelet.

“But ... if I give you this, you will die” stated Merlin.

The Fisher King raised his arm a little and nodded. Merlin understanding the Fisher King’s wish, kneeled in front of the ancient man and placed the bracelet in his thin wrist. The Eye of the Phoenix glowed and the Fisher King was whisked away but his voice could still be heard.

“Thank you.”

Just then the stone door opened half the way and the two worried men entered the room. Both made their way to Merlin.

“Merlin, are you all right?” asked Arthur approaching.

Gwaine was faster and hug the girl and then inspected her to possible injures. “Are you hurt, my bird? How are you felling?”

Merlin took a step away from the two men. 

“Hey guys, I’m fine. No need to worry. Please! I’m fine” said Merlin. “I was just here, trying to find a way to get out. Oh! Arthur, here. I found your trident. Now your mission is accomplished” said Merlin sounding a bit nervous. She was still thinking about her recent encounter with the Fisher King and her mind kept replaying his words, especially the ones about her baby. Gwaine sensed that something must have happened while he and Arthur were outside the door, something that he was quite certain involved magic. So he stayed silent.

Arthur didn’t spare one look to the artefact. “Ah, thanks. But I don’t think this is important. Are you sure that you are all right?” asked a worried Arthur. 

“I’m fine, really. I was just momentarily trapped in a decayed room. But look what I found. It’s your quest. Come on, take it!” said Merlin.

“Merlin, don’t worry about this stupid trident. This quest was preposterous since the beginning” stated Arthur.

“But Arthur, you cannot get back to Camelot without …” said Merlin only to be interrupted by Arthur. 

“No, Merlin. It was a ludicrous mission and even so I failed to follow the conditions of it. I was supposed to accomplish the task alone. There is no value in my actions even if I get back to Camelot with the trident.” 

“But that is where you are wrong Arthur. You said yourself, it was a preposterous quest. You know that if you get back to Camelot with empty hands your father will find another stupid mission or task to you to perform. The only way to stop this nonsense is you getting back there with the artifact” explained Merlin.

“But it would be a lie” tried Arthur. 

“Just like this quest, princess” Gwaine decided to intervene. “This quest could never prove value and honor, and you know it. So why do you want to take it seriously? Do as Merlin say. Get the trident and get your glory.”

“So, you both really don’t mind that I will take all the credit?” asked Arthur. 

“Of course not, princess. You go and collect you honor, and Merlin and I will collect our gold” stated Gwaine, grinning.

“Oh, yeah, the gold from our bet!” said Merlin, remembering Gwaine's crazy excuse for their presence in the Perilous Lands.

Arthur looked to the two travel companions and decided to take the artifact. Together the three of them left the room and the ruined castle. They made their way out of the Perilous Land with small talk. In fact, the only one talking was Gwaine, with his insane taverns tales. Arthur sometimes made an input. 

Merlin was silent almost all their journey She could not stop thinking about what would be the next threat against Arthur’s life. And more importantly, when. _‘Morgana will not give up. She will try again. But when? And if she try to poison him? Or hire someone to kill him? Or if she use magic? Would I be fast enough to aid him if I was far from him? Should I get back to Camelot? But how can I face Arthur every day? And my baby? How could I explain my pregnancy? Even if I could explain it somehow, would I want to live in Camelot again? I miss Gaius, I miss Gwen. But do I want to get back to that constant fear and danger? To boring duties and teasing? I love the road life. I love the freedom, the lack of a routine, the chats with Gwaine, Gwaine’s tales about his past adventures, Gwaine’s jokes about apples, Gwaine’s care, Gwaine …’_

“Merlin … Merlin bird … hey” said Gwaine trying to call Merlin's attention.

“Oh, ah ….. hey. Sorry, I think I was day dreaming. I think that I’m more tired than I thought” said Merlin, embarrassed.

“You look tired, my friend. Princess and I were thinking that we should make a camp for the night” said Gwaine.

“Where is Arthur?” asked Merlin. 

“He is nearby trying to hunt our dinner. Let’s collect some wood for a fire and lay our bedrolls. I think the princess doesn’t have one. No problem, he can use mine while I make the first watch or he could lay his royal ass on the ground. Would it be nice?” asked Gwaine.

“Gwaine … yes” said Merlin, grinning. 

“Well, it’s good to see a little smile on your face. What’s going on in your mind, my friend? Too many thoughts?” asked Gwaine.

“You have no idea” answered Merlin. Before she could elaborate Arthur arrived with two dead rabbits in his hands.

Merlin collected the dead animals and started to take the skin off in order to prepare dinner. Gwaine rapidly noted the change in Merlin’s face color. The pale of her skin was turning slightly green. _‘Oh no, pregnancy alert!’_ The man efficiently took Merlin’s place. The girl was grateful. She went to the fire to rekindle it with more wood. 

Arthur remained silent observing the interactions between the drunkard and his former maidservant. The two seemed very comfortable with each other. Arthur missed this. He remembered when he and Merlin went on hunting trips. The hunts always ended in failure. Merlin clumsiness prevented him to get bigger and better preys. Their nights almost always ended with the two of them trading harmless insults in front of the fire. And in the morning, the two friends would return exhausted and hungered to the castle but with a content smile on their faces. Now, they even couldn't stand to be near one another without the guilt and hurt take their hearts. 

The night passed fast. Gwaine made the first watch and Arthur made the second. Both of them decided to leave Merlin sleeping. The girl seemed very tired. Living in the road must be difficult for the girl. That was the main concern in Gwaine’s mind. He had spent great part of the night thinking in ways to help his beloved friend.

In the morning, Arthur was seated on a log poking with his sword the embers of the fire when he saw Merlin waking up. Her hair was in complete disarray and her eyes were still sleepy. She was looking a little pale … no … she look green. The girl quickly stood up and crouched near a rock and start throwing up. Arthur run to her but Gwaine was faster. He held the girl’s hair away from her face and with soothing words he calmed Merlin who was by now only dry heaving. Arthur was certain that she had already lost all the contents of her stomach. Gwaine encouraged Merlin to swallow a few sips of the water from his waterskin and the girl obeyed him. 

“Better now?” asked Gwaine.

“Yeah, sorry” answered Merlin with a frail voice.

“No problem, bird. No problem” said Gwaine.

“Is this happening a lot?” asked a worried Arthur.

Gwaine and Merlin had almost forgotten that they were not alone. The witch was speechless and nervous. Sensing his friend's distress, Gwaine was fast to the rescue. 

“Sometimes Merlin’s stomach rebels against meat not so well cooked. This is my fault. I should have made certain that the rabbit piece that I gave you was not raw” stated Gwaine.

“It’s … it’s not your fault Gwaine. I should have paid attention” said Merlin.

If the prince was finding all this explanation odd, he remained quiet about it. The three travelers, after assurance of Merlin about her wellbeing, quickly broke camp and proceed to their journey out of the Perilous Lands. They crossed the narrow wooden bridge, this time with no strange little man guarding it and collected their horses. When the three travelers arrived at the borders of Camelot it was time to say their goodbyes. 

“Well princess, it was good to see you again but, by orders of your dear father, this is where I have to leave you” stated Gwaine.

“I’m sorry for this Gwaine. If I could make something to change the King’s judgment I would” said Arthur. Then, the prince turned his eyes to his former friend with concern.

“Merlin, you know that you will always be welcome in Camelot” said Arthur.

“I know, but I’m happy where I am. Don’t worry about me” said Merlin dismissively. 

“You didn’t look fine this morning Merlin. It’s clear that living like this has not been good to you. I’m sorry but you don’t look well either. You can work for Gaius if you want. You don’t need to be near me again if you don’t want to” said Arthur with a sad voice.

Gwaine was silent. He secretly agreed with the prince. Life in the road was not a life for a pregnant girl. He thought he found a way to help Merlin, but he was not sure if his friend would agree. 

“Don’t worry about me, Arthur. I’m not important” said Merlin, coldly. Seeing Arthur’s hurt expression, she felt a little, tiny guilty. “Arthur, I’m fine. I lived almost all my life on a very poor village and I survived.”

“Alright. So, I’m going now. I will tell Gaius and Guinevere that you are well. Take care, Merlin” said Arthur, turning his horse in the direction of Camelot.

“Arthur!” called Merlin. The prince turned his horse to look Merlin. “Be careful. There are more dangers out there looking for you that you can even imagine. Don’t be reckless; don’t try to be the hero in no-win situations. Me, believing or not in you doesn’t change the fact that you are the future king of Camelot. Please, stay safe” said Merlin with the serious tone of voice that Arthur seldom heard from her. The tone of voice that made Merlin sound older and wiser. With a nod from his head, the prince of Camelot took his leave.

The two friends kept looking the retreating figure for a while, until Arthur was almost a dot in the horizon. Gwaine turned his eyes to Merlin when he heard words of a strange language being whispered by the girl, her eyes of a beautiful gold. 

Sensing her friend's attention, Merlin spoke “It’s a protection spell. Something to help a journey of peace and safety. It will not last much. And then he will be vulnerable to Morgana’ schemes once again.” 

“He was right about something, my friend. The road is no place to you. Especially in your condition. You should get back to Camelot with him. You could protect him better there and also, be with the ones you love with some comfort and good food on your belly” said Gwaine. He had to make Merlin see the truth. 

“I cannot go back like this, Gwaine. They would take my child from me or worse. Bastards are bad seen in small villages, I know from my own experience. But a bastard in the heart of the kingdom, the child from … a noble. It would be far worst” said Merlin sadly. “And besides that …”

“What?” asked Gwaine.

“I … I don’t want to leave you, Gwaine” said Merlin. “I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. I’m kind of confused. I never felt this way before. I … I …” tried Merlin distressed.

“Hey, hey my bird. Do not worry” said Gwaine, aligning his horse to Merlin’s. “I don’t want you to leave either. But I worried about you and the little one here” he said, putting his hand in Merlin ’stomach.

The two of them remained quiet for a while, eying the horizon and alone with their thoughts. Gwaine was the first to break the silence.

“Merlin, I think I know of a way for both of us get back to Camelot and to keep your child safe. You would have to trust me. What would you say? Could you trust me?” asked Gwaine with a strange expression. 

“What, Gwaine? What way, how could …?” asked Merlin puzzled.

“It’s nothing illegal. But you will have to trust me. Can you, my friend?” questioned Gwaine once again.

Merlin looked deep into her friend’s eyes. Something in them said to her that she could trust him, that he would never hurt her. “I … I do trust you”. 

“So let’s go. We cannot waste time” said Gwaine. He should had told her his plan right away but he was fearing her reaction. Better wait for when they arrive in their destiny. She would be very surprised.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter brings lines from the following episode:
> 
> Series 3, episode 8 - The Eye of the Phoenix


	19. Chapter 19

Soon the two friends were galloping for a destiny unknown to Merlin but the girl had promised to trust the handsome rogue, hence she didn’t make any inquiries. They rode for many days, only stopping for lunch and some time for Merlin's rest. When the night of the fifth day of their journey started to fall, they made camp near a beautiful lake. After eating remains of their lunch – two birds that Gwaine had hunted – they sat in front of the fire. 

“Arthur should have arrived in Camelot by now. I wonder how his father had received him” said Merlin.

“Yeah. I hope Uther is content now with that stupid trident” replied Gwaine. “What sort of father sent his own and only son in a dangerous quest like that only for pride?” 

“I don’t know. I never understood Uther. He always claimed to love his son, but then, he goes and makes something like this. My mother would never put me in danger such as this. And I’m fairly sure that my father also wouldn’t. I didn’t know him well but his last deed in life was to protect me” said Merlin, her eyes far away. 

“I know what you mean. Even though I haven't known my father, I remembered all the stories that my mother and sisters used to tell about him” said Gwaine.

“Oh, yes. You said that he was a knight of Caerleon’s army” said Merlin. 

“Yes, he was. And he was a man of honor. He fought against his own family in order to marry the woman he loved. He was a noble but he valued character above all else” stated Gwaine.

“Your mother was not a noble?” asked Merlin, curious. 

“Oh, she was. But, well… it’s complicated. My mother was not from Caerleon. She is from Mercia, daughter of a very rich lord. She was accompanying her parents in a mission from the Mercian crown to Caerleon when she met my father. He was a high-ranking Knight and was the leader of the group that escorted the Mercian entourage from Caerleon borders to the castle. My sisters, who knew the story well, said that was love at the first sight. I will not tell you all the details. Only that, three months later, when her parents were ready to get back to Mercia, my mother had secretly married my father and their affair almost cause war between the two kingdoms. My mother was betrothed to another one in Mercia. What saved her was this man's pardon. But my mother's family were not as indulgent as her former betrothed and they disowned her. And my father’s family, after discovering my mother’s disgrace, disowned him as well. The only title that remained was his position as a Knight of Caerleon's army” said Gwaine. 

“Wow, Gwaine. This is so … so beautiful. Their love for one another. It’s so … so moving” said Merlin.

“Well, it was beautiful alright. But they hadn't a happy ending, you know” said Gwaine with a sad voice.

“Oh, Gods, Gwaine, I’m sorry. I had forgotten that you didn’t have the chance to know your father” said Merlin.

“Not exactly. I was only one year old when he left for the war against Essetir. That’s why I said I never knew him. I was too little to remember him well. My mother told me that he used to hold me in his arms and talk to me a lot when he was home. He loved my sisters dearly but he always dreamed in having a boy. He wanted to teach me how to fight and protect my family and kingdom just like he did. He was a good man. Never saw titles or judge men by his possessions. ‘Character, what a man have inside him is what matters’ he used to say to my mom and sisters. Unfortunately he was fighting for the wrong man. A man who didn’t have the same believes and values” said Gwaine sadly. 

“I’m sorry Gwaine. It must have been hard for your mother” said Merlin, putting her small hand on Gwaine’s shoulder.

“It was. The war campaign was a long one. He was absent for almost two years when he died, leaving my mother alone with two small girls and a young boy to take care. Because he was disowned by his parents, he didn’t have his own lands. But as a high-ranking Knight, our family could live in the castle in accommodations according to his rank and post. My mother became one of the ladies in waiting for the queen. When he died, my mother was left penniless and homeless” said Gwaine dejected. 

“But … she was a court lady. Why the queen didn't help her?” asked Merlin.

“The queen? That bitch was the one that demanded my mother’s banishment from the court. By what I been told several years later it was the queen's jealousy what made her do what she did. My mother was a very beautiful woman and the queen was afraid that the king took interest in her now that she was a widow. The queen had no mercy. She tossed our family in the streets with only meager possessions.” said Gwaine. 

“I’m sorry, Gwaine” said Merlin. She hated to see that look in her friend’s eyes, so distant, so sad.

“But my mother survived. She was always a fighter. She fought against her family to marry the man that she loved. She would fight against poverty and the court's injustice to make sure that her children do not starve. Some friends of my father, knights, helped her. She sold her jewelry and fancy clothing and bought a humble cottage on a nearby village. She was an educated woman, so she started to teach small businessmen and farmers how to read and to count well their gains and profits and also taught their wives and daughters the proper manners of a lady. What she gained was not sufficient to a very comfortable life, but no one in our family ever starved. A few of my father’s friends helped us for many years. Although my father was of a high-rank in Caerleon’s army, all the knights that aided us were from low ranks. They were not nobles by blood. This was not mandatory as it is in Camelot, you know. In Caerleon, only the command posts demand nobility from the knighthood candidates. For the lower positions, you just have to be strong and skillfully enough to pass the tests. As my father was never a man interested in these stupid conventions, he always treated all his men as equals. And his fair actions paid us well. When my mother’s meager gains were not sufficient to provide us food or clothing, they were always there to help us. They were loyal to my father. Always protecting our family, our home. With them I learned how to fight with a sword, with my fists, a lot about mead, and how to woo the ladies” Gwaine said grinning. “Of course, that life was not easy to my mother. But she carried on. Until him came along” said Gwaine with a somber tone. Merlin was about to question who was ‘him’ but Gwaine continued. 

“I was twelve years old when I met him. I was coming home after a day helping the blacksmith sharping new swords. My mother was talking with this man. He clearly was a noble and by his clothes and demeanor I was almost sure that he was not from Caerleon. I asked her if she was all right and she said that she was but I didn’t like the way that his presence seemed to unbalanced her. She seemed kind of spooked. The man didn’t stay to long that first time, but he came back every two nights for weeks. And in each visit my mother’s behavior started to change. She was less spooked, more confident. She started to smile more and to wait for this man's visits with a nervous anticipation. But was when the man started to bring presents for all of us that I realized that he was courting my mother. I was furious with her. How could she fall for a noble man. How could she stain my father’s memory with such an act. I knew that she was lonely and I knew that that life was very difficult for someone who was raised with all the comfort and luxury of the nobility but I couldn’t accept that she had betrayed my father like that. When I confronted her, she told me that the man that was courting her was her former betrothed from Mercia. That he never had forgotten her and he wanted to marry her and take us all to Mercia and made her family his own. To say I was livid is an understatement. We had a terrible fight and I said to her that if she marries him, I would not go with her to Mercia. My mother tried to dissuade me but I was as stubborn as her” said Gwaine. He remained silent for a long time. Merlin was wringing her fingers, dying to know what happened then. 

“And what happened? Did she marry him? Or did she deny his proposal?” 

“She was going to. For me. She would remained alone, a widow with three children. But my sisters, the witches, cornered me one day and made me see reason. They said that I was being selfish, that my father would never accept my mother to live her life alone and in so much difficulty. That he would like his daughters to have good marriages, something the would hardily happened with our current situation. They said that I was ruining everyone happiness. So, I caved. I told my mother that I would accept her marriage but I had to talk to the man first, man to man. I know I was young, but I still was the man of the house and my mother's and sisters’ protection was my responsibility. I made him promise me to take good care of them. He said to me that he would take care of all my family. He promised me” said Gwaine with sadness on his voice once again. “We departed for Mercia some days after that. On the day of their marriage, after the ceremony, when everybody was in the big celebration, I wrote a farewell letter to my mother and I left, taking only a few clothes and my father’s necklace with me” said Gwaine touching his necklace with his fingers. “I explained to her that I was happy for her and my sisters but I could not live the life of a noble man. I could not accept to live among those who caused so much suffering and humiliation to our family and many others” said Gwaine. He was once again silent and Merlin didn’t know what to say. But Gwaine, once again, rescued her. 

“And that was how I started my amazing adventures as a handsome wanderer through the lands of the five kingdoms, my friend” said Gwaine with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Have you ever saw them again?” asked Merlin.

“Once. I visited my mother five years after my departure. We made peace. I owed her at least this. She was happy, my sisters were happy. The man took good care of them just like he had promised me” said Gwaine while looking to the fire. “And now, I think that is time for pretty pregnant ladies to rest. We are not far from our destiny but you need a good night sleep” said Gwaine, trying to change the subject and Merlin obliged. 

“All right. I’m really tired. Gwaine, please, wake me up in a few hours for the second watch. You need to sleep, too” said Merlin.

“Don’t you worry, my bird. Good night. Have pleasant dreams, hopefully with me” said Gwaine grinning.

Merlin lay on her bedroll smiling to her travel companion. She was certain that he would not wake her up. But she could only hope. Soon she was sleeping peacefully while Gwaine was lost in his memories.

Morning came fast and the two wanderers had a quick breakfast before getting back to the road. Their ride was a silent one. Gwaine seemed lost in his thoughts speaking only to make sure that his friend was well or when they had a brief lunch. Merlin respected Gwaine’s somber mood the morning after the man had opened up a lot about his personal life. For her, the night’s revelations only made Gwaine more intriguing than ever. A man who could live the life of a noble but instead choose the life of a nomad. A man who had traded the finest wines for the cheap mead of humble taverns. A man who chose to be loyal to the memory of a father that he never knew and that had never forgotten the lessons that this man left to him. Gwaine was truly fascinating. 

So lost in her thoughts, Merlin was surprised when she started to see signs of a city. Merchants passed by them several times and soon they were not in a road surrounded by a forest but by little farms and cottages. People looked at them with curiousity. Soon they were in a slow horse pace across a beautiful town that surrounded an impressive castle. It was not as beautiful as Camelot’s but was indeed very impressive. When they were nearing the castle Merlin could not remain silent anymore. 

“Gwaine, where are we?” asked Merlin. She had never been in that kingdom before.

“Merlin, my friend, we are in Mercia” said Gwaine.

“Mercia??? But Gwaine, why are we …” Merlin question was interrupted by two guards halting their entrance in the castle's courtyard.

“Halt, who are you and what is your business in Mercia’s court?” asked one of them.

Unfazed, Gwaine dismounted from his horse and spoke with a tone of voice that Merlin had never listen on her friend before.

“My name is Gwaine Woulfe and I came to see my mother, the queen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dear readers  
> I cannot thank you enough your incentive and for you being here following this work. I'm truly sorry for my delays in posting. My life right now is very complicated. I'm a working mom and I have college by night. It's very exhausting. But I will never stop writing this story until the "The END". It may take time, but I will finish it. I promise you this.  
> Kisses  
> Sininho


	20. Chapter 20

“My name is Gwaine Woulfe and I came to see my mother, the queen.”

Suddenly Merlin remembered when she saved Arthur from the Sidhe. The distorted noises that she heard when she was underwater. It was the same now. She was sure of it. The strangeness continued. The guards seemed to question Gwaine and her friend remained undisturbed while he seemed to give more information that couldn’t quite reach Merlin’s head. _“Did Gwaine said he was the son of the Queen? The Queen? The Queen of Mercia? Was Gwaine a prince? But he is a wanderer. How can he be a prince? This makes no sense. Oh, a man is coming from the castle. And he seems to be addressing Gwaine with great deference. They are talking now. Do they know each other? The man is giving some orders to a servant nearby. Something about special chambers,… accommodations … I don’t know. I’m not understanding well. My head is so confused. Gwaine turned his attention to me now. He is saying something. Focus Merlin, focus. The underwater words are beginning to reach me…”_

“Merlin? Merlin? Hey, Merlin” 

_“Gwaine seems a little concerned about something. He is looking at me strangely … oh, he is speaking to me”_

“Yes, oh, sorry…” said Merlin. “What were you saying? 

“Merlin bird, let me help you out of this horse. Jeremy here is going to escort us to the castle. You need a warm meal in your belly, come on” said Gwaine while assisting Merlin dismount of her horse. 

A stableboy came to take their horses and two servants came to take their few possessions to the castle. Merlin was astonished. 

_“Am I dreaming? Oh no. Is this what they call baby brain? Oh gods! This castle is just as beautiful inside as it is outside. And so colorful. Look those stained glass windows. So beautiful … Oh … Did that servant just bow to Gwaine? I think that I have to try paying attention to what this Jeremy is saying…”_

“… surprised to see you again, my lord. Your mother is going to be very happy to know you are here. She is currently making rounds on the lower town with the court physician. A number of children were affected by a nasty fever but now they seemed to be recovering. Your mother wanted to check on her people health…” 

_“Wow, the queen seemed to be a very nice lady. Just like Morgana before the madness. The man seems to admire her. And Gwaine just keep nodding his head and smiling. Oh … they are now looking at me. My head is so confused. What are they saying? Why I still thinking I’m underwater?”_

“… milady, would you like to refresh a little before the meal?” asked Jeremy.

“Uhm … milady?” said Merlin sounding faraway and confused.

“Milady, are you all right?” asked Jeremy, a little concerned.

“ … milady?” asked Merlin again with a very low voice. 

“Merlin love, I think that would be good for you to wash a little before that meal. My mother will be here soon and then we will talk better, all right?” said Gwaine, concealing his worry for his friend and directing her to a maidservant that had come to aid Merlin. 

“ … love? Your mother? Yeah … the Queen? ” asked Merlin sounding more confused than never. The maidservant led Merlin to a beautiful room not distant from where she was. There was a table with bowls of warm and cold water, soap and several clean lines. Merlin washed her hands and face very slowly almost not aware of what she was doing. Her mind was so far away. _“Maybe Uther was right; I have some kind of a mental affliction.”_

Soon Merlin was escorted to a very large room decorated with colorful paints and beautiful tapestries in one wall and the other with stained glass windows of blue and green . Some windows were open allowing the sunlight illuminate the room. Merlin could see two thrones standing side by side in the extremity opposite to the main door. The room was empty but for her and Gwaine who also seemed to have just washed out a little, his hair still wet. Cautiously, he approached her. 

“Are you all right, my friend?” asked Gwaine with a low voice.

“Uhmm… Am I? I don’t know. Have I heard you say that you are the Queen’s son? The queen of Mercia?” questioned Merlin.

“Well yes … but “ said Gwaine sounding embarrassed.

“But you’re a wanderer, you are a drunkard rogue that pick fights on taverns and flirt with barmaids … How can you be a prince?” asked Merlin.

“Hey, I’m no prince. I never said that” defended Gwaine. 

“No, and you never told me that your mother is a Queen. The Queen of Mercia!” said Merlin raising her voice. Before Gwaine could explained, a herald entered the room making an announcement.

“Your royal highness, Queen Breeana of Mercia.” 

“Oh please this is so unnecessary. Go away. Go look for something important to do!” said a beautiful woman entering the throne room followed by Jeremy and escorted by two guards. The woman was dressed with a brown and gold dress, her long brown hair in a thick braid decorated with golden strings. Her lips were very red, her skin lightly tanned. She had a regal gait but her hazel eyes were warm. When she saw Gwaine, her smile was so bright that it was as the sun had entered the castle halls. Merlin was speechless.

“Gwaine! Oh my son!” She run to him but he encountered her midway with a strong hug. The guards followed her.

“Mom, I missed you” said Gwaine, not paying attention to the menacing expression of the guards. 

“What you think you are doing? Shoo, shoo. This is my son. He is not a threat. Go search for your king. Now!” said the queen, dismissing the guards who looked very concerned about leaving the queen alone with this man of questionable appearance. Jeremy looked at them with a silent order and they left the room, but two others were already posted on the entry. 

“Oh, I can’t believe you are here. Let me look at you, Gwaine. Oh, you are so handsome. Look at you. Your sisters will be so happy to see you” said the queen.

“Oh no, the annoying bit…” 

“Gwaine! Manners!” scolded the queen, but soon she was smiling to Gwaine, holding both his hands, and eyeing her son with love. “Oh, I'm so happy to see you again. But you seem a little tired. And thin. Your hair is too long” said the queen, very mother like.

“I’m fine, mom. Please, calm down” said Gwaine. 

“Oh, you need a nice warm bath to take away all this grime from your beautiful hair and then I will fatten you a little with a good meal. Then you will have a decent night sleep in a real and comfortable bed. And nothing of this ‘I’m fine, mom’. You are thin and you have bags under your eyes. What have you expected after years away? Now that I have you here I going to smother you for all the missed time. Jeremy, prepare Gwaine’s chambers. And a hot bath. Then go ask the cooks for my son's favorite dishes, and apple pies for dessert, lots of them” ordered the queen before resuming hugging her son. 

“All right, mom” said Gwaine smiling while freeing his arms from his mother’s strong grip. “I want to introduce you to a very special person.”

For the first time the queen turned her eyes to the silent figure of Merlin. The girl shyly bowed to the queen. 

“Mother, I came back for a very important reason. I would like you to meet Merlin …” Gwaine paused and put his arm around Merlin’s shoulders before continuing. “… my wife. My pregnant wife!” 

Merlin almost jumped after registering Gwaine’s words, her eyes big as saucers and her mouth open but no sound coming from it. 

“Your wife? You are married?” the queen barely could hide her astonishment. “And she is pregnant? Oh gods!” said the queen, trying to maintain her emotions in control but failing miserably. “I can’t believe it! Gwaine! Oh my son”. Smiling, she turned to a mute Merlin.

“Oh my child, don’t be afraid. You cannot even say a word. Poor girl. Don’t be frightened, I don’t bite. How are you?” said the queen addressing Merlin. 

“…. Ahn … ehn … what …” murmured Merlin, her eyes a little vacant.

“Are you all right, my child?” asked the queen concerned with the strange expression on the girl’s face.

“Merlin love? It’s all right. Trust me” said a worried Gwaine holding Merlin tenderly with one arm.

“Tr…Trust you …” murmured Merlin looking at Gwaine. _“Oh no, I am underwater again”_ Before she could utter another word, the herald came back but when he was ready to make his announcement the king’s deep voice interrupted him. 

“Oh shut up! These formalities are not necessary. Gwaine is family. Go search for something useful to do” said the king with a powerful voice dismissing the herald just as his wife had done minutes ago. 

Merlin’s heart started to beat faster and she gulped.

“Well, well, well. So my errant stepson is back!” said the king entering the throne room. But before any other words could be exchanged, King Bayard saw whom was standing besides his wife and stepson. The smile on the king’s face soon vanished, his expression turning thunderous. 

“YOU!” shouted the king. Several guards entered the room with swords raised trying to identify the threat. 

Merlin could only murmured “Oh shiii…” before she felt herself falling into space and everything was black.

 

\----------

 

“I’m really a stupid man. Stupid, stupid, stupid” murmured a distraught Gwaine while waiting and watching the court physician examine Merlin. After fainting on the throne room, the girl was taken to an elegant and spacious chamber similar to the ones in Camelot reserved to the noble family members. Gwaine and his mother were talking in low voices near the chamber door, giving some privacy to the girl and physician. 

“You didn’t tell her whom you were, didn’t you?” asked the queen, more an accusation than a question.

“Well, she knew about yours and father’s lineage, and that you have remarried, but I …” said Gwaine, too embarrassed to continue. 

“You didn’t tell her with whom I am married. Well, you really know how to make a girl to swoon, don’t you” said the queen on a reproachful tone. 

“This is why I’m a very stupid man. You always said that my biggest fault was my impulsiveness. And look what I have done. Gods, she is pregnant! What was I thinking?” said Gwaine, his hands pulling his long hair.

“Hey, none of that. You did wrong in not telling her the entire truth. And it’s good to know that you remember my advices even if you are not following them like I would wanted it. But she will be all right. By what Bayard told me, she is a valiant and strong girl. She was just surprised” said the queen. “Did you known about the poisoned chalice?” 

“I knew that she had risked her neck more than once for that spoiled brat, but I didn’t know about her and Bayard. If I had known, I never would have brought her here in the first place. The man was ready to behead her” said Gwaine.

“So I’m happy that you didn’t know. I’m too happy to have you here, you two. And don’t worry about Bayard. I will have a few words with him as soon as Ben finishes with Merlin. Oh, and here he is” said the queen when the court physician approached them. He was a tall and thin old man with a friendly expression. 

“Your highness, I didn’t find anything serious wrong with the lady’s health. But she is malnourished and exhausted. She told me that she is having difficulty to maintain food on her belly because of the pregnancy. And she has been living in the road for the past months. I recommend light meals and lot of rest. And I advise a calm and soothing environment. The girl is a little distressed. She believes that the king is going to order her death or imprisonment,” the physician said this last sentence smiling, thinking Merlin was a little delusional. “I will prepare the remedy for her sickness now and get back later to check on her, your highness.” 

“Thank you, Ben” said the queen dismissing the court physician and turning her attention back to her son. “I will order a warm bath and ask for a new nightdress for her. She must be overwhelmed with all this. Go, Gwaine, go talk to her now. Your wife needs you. All this stress is not good to her or to my grandchild. I will ask for a light meal. After she eats make sure she rests. We will talk later in dinner tonight” said the queen, giving a kiss on Gwaine’s cheek. "So handsome, my son" the queen said before leaving the room.

After his mother left the chambers, Gwaine sighed and cautiously approached the bed where his friend was currently sitting with her back propped by several pillows and eying him with a closed expression. When his legs were almost touching the bed, his friend spoke with a low voice. 

“What are you doing, Gwaine?”

“I’m sorry, Merlin. I told you that I had a plan to help you. I should have said what it was” said Gwaine while sitting in the bed across from Merlin. 

“Of course you should had. And what kind of plan is that? We are married now? Are you crazy?” questioned the young witch. Before Gwaine could even finish a word the girl continued clearly exasperated. “And what about your family? You are the son of a queen? The queen of Mercia? And … and Bayard is your … oh gods, Bayard! He must be livid! I have to ge… “ 

“No, no, no. Calm down now, Merlin. Calm down. Don’t you worry about Bayard. My mother is speaking with him right now. And yes, she is the queen of Mercia and Bayard is my stepfather, BUT I’m the same Gwaine that you know, a drunkard and a bum” said Gwaine, trying to sooth the girl’s nerves. 

“No, you are a prince … or something near one … And your sisters are princesses and you have servants and maidservants and stableboys and strange annoying heralds who are eager to make announcements but nobody let them do it and you have a beautiful castle … and, oh … I don’t know what I’m saying anymore…” said Merlin, rubbing her head with her hands. 

“Hey, my bird. Easy now. First, I’m not a prince or something near one. You know that I haven’t lived here for long. Second, my sisters are not princesses but wards of the king. And I don’t live here, as you know, so I don’t have servants, maidservants or stableboys. As I said before, I’m the same drunkard that you know and hopefully love, even if a tiny little bit” said Gwaine grinning. He paused and his expression turned grave. “BUT, I will accept any title and any land and any name if that means that you are safe. No, Merlin, please, listen to me. As the wife of Bayard’s stepson nobody could hurt you, demean you or try to take away your child. Our child. You would be safe, Merlin, you and the baby. The baby would not be a bastard. He or she would have a name. We could be back to Camelot together. I would be allowed back because even Uther is not so stupid to risk his alliance with Mercia because of a past misunderstanding. You would be able to protect the princess prat and I would help you. You would't be alone anymore.”

Merlin was speechless for a while. She was looking at her friend with a dumbfounded expression. Gwaine was serious about this. Really serious about it. Never anyone had offered her so much. And it was a good plan. A very good plan. But it was a crazy plan, a wrong plan. Clearing her thoughts, Merlin closed her eyes and sighed deeply. A tear escaped from her closed lashes. She opened her eyes and held Gwaine’s strong hands on her small ones.

“Gwaine, my dear friend. I am truly, truly moved by your offer, you have no idea how much so. To known that someone cares for me so much … But I cannot accept it. No, please, hear me now. I could never allowed you a sacrifice such as this. More than titles and lands, we are talking about marriage here. You and I bound by sacred vows. And I’m flattered by your proposal, but it wouldn’t be fair, Gwaine. You would be stuck with a girl that you don’t love and you would be a father of another man’s child” 

“I don’t care, Merlin. Look Bayard, he took three children as his own. And he is happy. I already love this kid! How could I not? It’s a mini Merlin in there” said Gwaine looking to Merlin’s belly.

“Gwaine, oh my dear Gwaine. You are worth more in your heart than in any titles you could own and this is why I cannot let you do this. It wouldn’t be fair. You would be deceiving your family, being someone that you never wanted to be. And you are denying a whole future, with a woman that you will love, that is the one for you” said Merlin. 

“I don’t care, Merlin. A title will not change who I am. And about my family, I will not be lying. This kid already has my heart, as the kid’s mother. There is no lie in this. I already found the one for me” said Gwaine.

Merlin opened her mouth and was speechless for a moment before continue with a low voice. “Gwaine, oh, this is so difficult. I really like you, I care about you, I even love you as the friend that you are. But I’m afraid that I could never love you like you deserve to be loved” said Merlin, lowering her head to hide her face from Gwaine. Her friend was having none of that. 

“”Hey, bird. I know that you don’t feel the same way about me now, but love sometimes is something that we build together, something that comes with time. I’m a patient man. I can wait for you” said Gwaine, kissing the back of one of Merlin’s hands. 

“I … I don’t know what to say… Gwaine … the truth is that I even don't know what I feeling right now. I … I … But is not only about the love that we could feel for each other, Gwaine. You see, you want to be my husband but I … I could never be a wife for you or to someone else. I… I don’t know if I one day will be able to … to give to you what … what a wife must give to her husband. I'm sorry if I have misled you before Gwaine, with our kisses. But I can’t even think in doing something more than that and I … I don’t know if I ever will let a man touch me like that again” said Merlin, tears escaping her eyes. 

“Merlin, I know that you are not ready. I know and I will never force you to do something that you are not comfortable or ready to do. As I said, I can wait. I can wait forever” said Gwaine, wiping some of Merlin’s tears with his fingertips.

“No, you can’t, Gwaine. If I never be able to to … And you are a man, you have needs and …” 

“I’m willing to take the risk, Merlin. Can’t you see? My life before you was meaningless. I was a stupid wanderer, drinking myself to oblivion, picking fights in taverns, gambling for money and food and ale. With you I found a noble purpose to my life, something worthy to fight for. I always said that I wanted to be as brave and honorable as my father was. This is my chance. And if for this I have to … let’s say … beat the pent up energy in more creative ways, so be it. I don’t care” said Gwaine with glassy eyes. 

The two friends remained quiet for a few moments. 

“You are crazy” said Merlin.

“Yes, I am. For you” replied Gwaine.

“I cannot believe that I’m almost agreeing with this” said Merlin.

“What can I say? I’m irresistible!” stated Gwaine smirking.

“I said almost”

“You will say yes”

Merlin sighed. Her expression turned serious. “If … if I agree to do this, you have to promise me. Please. Promise me that if you need to … to beat the pent up energy, like you said … you will … you … you will find … the comfort that I cannot give you with someone else … that is willing to …”

“Are you given me permission to have a mistress?” asked Gwaine puzzled.

“I … I would understand” said Merlin with her head down.

“Well, I wouldn’t. I will not marry you only to dishonor you this way” stated Gwaine.

“But yo …” 

“No, Merlin. I will not do this. I’m aware of the fact that will not be easy but I’m not an animal. I know how to control my urges. Don’t you worry about me, my bird. And I’m sure that between Morgana’s evil schemes or Uther’s stupid quests, save your princess’s ass will be quite the distraction” said Gwaine grinning.

Merlin smiled. “All right, Gwaine. I cannot believe what I’m doing but I will follow your crazy plan. I will be your wife” stated the girl. 

“Well, this was not the way that I had expected your acceptance to my romantic marriage proposal” said Gwaine faking being hurt.

“Gwaine, I fainted, I cried and now I’m smiling. I think that your proposal received a very emotional response” defended Merlin. 

“Yes, it did” said Gwaine.

“Well, what do we do now?” asked Merlin.

They were interrupted by a light knock on the door followed by a maidservant bringing a silver tray with a bowl of chicken broth. 

“Excuse me, my lord, my lady. I brought Lady Merlin's light meal. While you eat, my lady, I will draw your bath. Lord Gwaine, your mother has your chambers prepared. She gave a servant the same instructions about a meal, a hearty one, and a bath. My lord, my lady” with that words, the maidservant gave them a slight bow and left the chambers. 

“So, I’m a lady now” said Merlin.

“Yes, you are”.

“And you are a lord now” said Merlin “Lord Gwaine. It sounds different, Looooord Gwaine”

“Hey, no teasing Lady Merlin” reply Gwaine. “Well, I will leave you to your meal but if you need some help with your bath I…”

“Gwaine!” 

“I’m kidding, just kidding, my bird” said Gwaine, standing up. “Eat all your delicious broth, have a relaxing bath and then I want you resting. We have an important dinner tonight and you are the very special guest”.

“Gwaine, I never had meals with royalty, I don’t know what to say. In Camelot I had only to serve them, never to speak with them” said Merlin. 

“Don’t you worry, bird. Between my mother and my annoying sisters I believe that you will not have much opportunity to speak and with the main topic on the table, you will only be required to nod” said Gwaine grinning.

“What main topic?”

“What could be … the preparations for our wedding, of course” stated Gwaine. 

“Preparations? But I thought you said that we are already married” said Merlin panicking.

“And you think that my mother, the queen of Mercia, would allow that her beloved son had his marriage performed by a non-official jurist of the kingdom? Well, my friend, this is not going to happen. She will demand a wedding ceremony” stated Gwaine while walking to the chamber’s doors. 

“Hey, you never said anything about a wedding ceremony. Gwaine, where are you going? CAME BACK HERE NOW” yelled Merlin.

“Sorry, my bird … my hearty meal awaits me. See you at supper” said Gwaine grinning and fast escaping the room.

“GWAINE!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I'm posting this not to long chapter while I'm working on the next one. Thank you all for sticking with me!


	21. Chapter 21

When Merlin was a small child, she had a small rag doll made by her mother. The fact that Merlin’s clothes were always dirty and full of patches whereas the rag doll was always clean and preserved was not odd. That doll was Merlin’s only toy so it was normal for her to take good care of it, even if a little unaware magic was involved. When the winter came too harsh in Ealdor but Hunith and Merlin’s tiny cottage seem still warm inside, it was not strange. It was mainly survival. By the time that Merlin was in Camelot and a giant and scary dragon said that she was the most powerful sorcerer in the world, the young witch was starting to get used to things that were not quite common to other people. So, even not quite believing in the great beast, she was not so spooky by it. And not snakes painted in shields that suddenly become alive, nor strange blue creatures with red eyes that try to drown princes, nor annoying goblins that could take good people’s mind, nor unicorns, trolls, pixies, dead knights that came from the dead, nothing of this could have prepared Merlin for the currently situation. She, Merlin, a peasant girl from a very small and poor village, former maidservant of the prince of Camelot, a powerful sorcerer in disguise, former resident of a cave in the outskirts of Essetir was now dining with the King and Queen of Mercia as their guest of honor in company of all the royal family. _“Yes, this is truly the strangest thing that had ever happened in my life”_ , thought Merlin.

Dressed in an elegant but simple blue dress, courtesy of the queen, Merlin was taking little bites of the roasted chicken on her plate while she listened the animated banter between Gwaine and his older sisters. King Bayard was calmer then the last time she saw him although from time to time, Merlin caught him staring her with a not so friendly expression. When Gwaine and she entered the dining hall earlier, the royal family was already there. Her friend had talked a bit more about his family while escorting her from her chambers to the dining hall. Brigid, who was sitting beside Merlin, was the middle child. She was very beautiful with her long hair cascading in perfect brown curls down her shoulders and back. Her eyes were hazel like her mother’s and her flawless skin was tanned as Gwaine’s. She talked very fast and Merlin was lost several times during the enthusiastic but light trade of insults between the girl and her brother. Deirdre was the older sister and very different from her siblings. Her hair was a vivid red and straight, her eyes were an emerald green and her skin was ivory with cute freckles. While Brigid and Gwaine were the spitting image of their mother, Deirdre could only have inherited her features from her deceased father. And although she was also happily bantering with Gwaine, she was not so ebullient like her baby sister. She teased her brother merciless but maintaining an air of elegance while doing so. She had that aura of royalty in her, like she was made to be a queen someday. Something that, according to Gwaine, would probably came true in the future. Deirdre was married to Prince Ronan, Bayard’s nephew and his last blood relative. Ronan was the only son of the King’s beloved sister Keela who died from a nasty lung fever when her child was only two years old. His father, who was a loyal member of Bayard’s court died on an ambushed by bandits while travelling to his lands on the south of Mercia. Ronan was with him, witnessed all the attack, and only survived because of the skill of the knights that were accompanying them. Bayard took the frightened and traumatized child to his care and raised him as his own son and heir. Now, Merlin could see that Ronan became a very confident man and obviously smitten for his beautiful wife. He also seemed to enjoy Gwaine’s presence. 

“Are you up to a sword training tomorrow? If I recall well you owe me a rematch for our last fight,” said Ronan.

“Ready to lose again, little prince?” said Gwaine, smirking.

“I would not be so sure about your victory, drunkman. While you were wandering through countless taverns through all this lands, I was training with some of the best swordsmen of the five Kingdoms. I could finally beat you” said Ronan smugly.

“Well, you certainly did not train with me, therefore your skills do not fright me. But if you are so eager to yield to me one more time, who am I to deny your royal request?” replied Gwaine, smirking.

“Yes, I think that it is good for both of you to stay away to do your macho things and let us ladies discuss more important issues” declared Deirdre.

“Yes, like Merlin’s wedding gown” continued Brigid.

“And the decoration of the royal hall” said Deirdre.

“And the musicians for the reception” replied Brigid.

“And the wedding invitations” said Deirdre.

And while the two sisters discussion escalated with more and more details, Merlin’s expression became progressively tenser and her face paler. 

“Hey harpies, you are scaring my wife. Merlin and I do not want a grandeous celebration. We are already married, if you both recall. We will be only having a simple ceremony to make our marriage more official,” said Gwaine while holding Merlin’s hand in order to sooth the girl’s mind.

The two sisters stayed quiet for a few seconds before bursting in laughter and continue with their animated wedding plans.

Gwaine sigh. “Mother, please have mercy” begged Gwaine.

Smiling, the queen intervened. “Girls, please stop. You must respect the bride’s wishes. Merlin doesn’t feel comfortable with a big wedding ceremony. It’s too much stress for anybody, and in her state, stress is the last thing that we want for her. Let’s use our skills to make a small and elegant wedding for your brother and his lovely wife. And stop with this sad faces. Deirdre's wedding ceremony was big enough for at least five more generations and I’m sure that when your wayward fiancé get back from his mission, Brigid, yours would be as extravagant and exquisite as yours sister” stated the Queen.

“But mother, a big wedding is more than a party. It would be a great opportunity to introduce Gwaine to the people of Mercia. He is not very known here” stated Brigid.

“And it’s an important way to Gwaine get to known some of the Landlords of Mercia. A few of them will become his neighbors,” stated Deirdre.

“What?” asked Merlin while dropping her fork, frightened. Gwaine snorted.

“Well, it is a tradition that male members of the royal family become lords of important lands of the kingdom” replied Deirdre.

“It’s more than tradition, my love” said Prince Ronan. “It’s a matter of trust. By entrusting important lands to family members, there is less chance of power disputes from greedy lords.”

“I’ve been thinking about the lands of North Hill, near our north borders. It is currently protected by the crown knights, that are always in schedule rotations. It would be good to indicate a new lord. Our people there need someone who they could rely on with their affairs and I believe that you could teach a thing or two to our men there, Gwaine” stated King Bayard.

“And is a wonderful place to raise children. The manor is inside of a beautiful villa surrounded by marvelous gardens filled with flowers on spring” said the queen.

“Oh, mother, Deirdre, we can help decorate the manor. There are excellent wood workers that works for the crown." said Brigid. "There is one that made a wonderful cabinet and…” All the family started to trade suggestions and plans for the soon to be married couple, all of them oblivious to the fact that the said couple was currently with their mouth open and shortly speechless. 

Gwaine soon found his voice “We are not staying in Mercia. Merlin and I will be leaving for Camelot as soon as the physician declare her well to the travel”.

Hearing Gwaine’s words instantly shutted down the others' animated conversation. 

“What are you saying?” asked Bayard.

“I‘m saying that Merlin and I will live in Camelot. Her life is there, where lives people that are very dear to her , so we decided to make our residence there. Of course, I will need some help from you Bayard because I am sort of not allowed to enter Camelot in the pain of death so…” stated Gwaine but he was suddenly interrupted by the king. Addressing his family and the servants presents, Bayard spoke with a thunderous voice. “Leave us”. There was no discussion. Prince Ronan, Deirdre, Brigid and the few servants and guards present left the room. When the doors of the dining hall closed, King Bayard, Queen Breanna, Gwaine and Merlin were the only people remaining in the room.

After taking a deep breath, Bayard spoke with a very and surprisingly calm voice. 

“I will not pretend to understand why both of you would like to live in Camelot where you Gwaine is banned for and you Merlin was a simple servant, instead of living here in Mercia with all the luxuries and comfort of your new positions and the love of a family. I’m sorry to say that I quite don’t believe in the sole fact that Lady Merlin misses her loved ones as a reason for your choice. I’m certain that there are more than what you both are willing to disclosure,” said Bayard, making a small pause before continuing. “When you are a King, you are responsible for the lives of your people and, in certain way, for the lives of the people of other kingdoms, being those friends or enemies. In order to make sure that all your decisions are being taken with the most assurance possible, you have to have all the information that you can get. Therefore, there is a very common practice of nearly every monarch in order to ensure that you have all the information necessary to the kingdom wellfair: informers. You put people that you trust in strategic positions in other kingdoms, friend or foe, in order to know what it is happening in your neighbor house.” 

“You have spies on Camelot!” accused Merlin, but quickly remembering where she was. “Oh … ahn … sorry, your majesty. I didn’t …”

“It’s all right, Lady Merlin. Yes, I have spies in Camelot. And in other kingdoms too. But I’m not naïve to think that other monarchs are not so clever as I am. I quite sure that among the castle staff we have plenty of foreign informers. Of course, with this knowledge, the most important affairs are not treated near prying eyes and ears. But sometimes, things happens that took everyone by surprise and therefore do not receive the proper concealment. Like when a certain wayward stepson of mine was banished from Camelot because he picked up a fight with noble men. Of course, if said stepson had identified himself such punishment would never had come forward. Do not be so surprise Lady Merlin. I am sure that Uther has spies here in Mercia too. It’s so common that we use this knowledge as an advantage. It’s easier to pass certain information to another kingdom through their spies without they realized that their identities are well known. Of course, the real advantage of informers is when you position the right person in the right place and this person remains undetected. But this political affairs are not the center of our discussion. What I would like to discuss with you in particular Lady Merlin is about a report that I received about four months ago” Bayard made another pause before continue. He was thinking about how much information he could share in that moment. He eyed Merlin with an unreadable expression and spoke. “A very important noble man of Camelot came forward and confessed to all members of the court and in the presence of King Uther that he had forced intercourse with a young maiden. He demanded to be punished of such horrible crime in what was a very noble act although it would be far better if he had not committed such crime. Another good thing that he had done in order to try to redeemed himself was to not disclosure the girl’s identity. But his silence about it opened the minds of all the present audience to a series of speculations. You cannot imagine how many guesses were made for the identity of this mysterious woman. Many believe that the girl must be of noble blood simply because, for this people, only a crime committed against a lady of a rich and powerful family would deserve some kind of compensation. Of course, there are people more intelligent and not so narrow minded. These ones noticed the disappearance of a certain maidservant that used to be the prince’ shadow” said Bayard. Merlin’s eyes were very bright and her face was scarlet from shame. “It was not difficult for some bright minds to figure out the identity of the most probable victim. And I am sure that Uther is among the ones that have the same suspicion.” 

“Bayard” warned Gwaine. His heart was breaking as he saw silent tears staining Merlin’s face.

“Please, my love, state your point in this matter” said the queen.

“Lady Merlin, you are between three and four months pregnant accord to your own words to the royal physician. And, my dear, don’t be so surprised about this either. There are no secrets tolerated between any loyal subject of Mercia and their King. I asked the physician an accurate report about your health because you are about to became a member of my family. His findings and my knowledge of the recent events in Camelot’s court made me doubt about the paternity of your child” said Bayard, this time eyeing Gwaine. “I’m quite sure that if you arrived in Camelot pregnant, others will have the same suspicions, my lady” affirmed the king. Bayard and Gwaine stared one another for long minutes. Merlin noticed that a silent conversation seemed to being exchanged between the two men. Before Merlin could utter a word, Gwaine spoke. 

“I have a confession to make, but I need more wine to do it”. The queen look at his husband and after a brief nod of the King, she rouse from her chair and went to the room doors to ask a specific servant to bring wine. She returned to the table and sat silently next to the young witch in the chair vacated by Brigid. Merlin was at a loss for what was happening but once again her opportunity to voice her thoughts were interrupted. The requested servant entered the room and started to serve the wine. After he had filled all the goblets, he positioned himself behind the king. 

Gwaine took his goblet and swallowed almost half of the wine.

"Now that you have wine in your body are you ready to talk?" asked Bayard with serious tone. 

“Yes Bayard, Merlin is the young maiden that was victim of that horrible crime in Camelot. And yes, she is about three months pregnant. And I can assure you that this child is mine. And I am certain of this because I took advantage of her the first night that we saw each other again after my banishment of Camelot. See, she was in a tavern when I meet her and she was pretty drunk. I have to confess that I was quite drunk either but my tolerance to this kind of beverage are much higher than hers. I helped Merlin to get rid of some ugly fellows and I escorted her to my room” said Gwaine, with a grave expression. 

Merlin suddenly understood what was about to happen and tried to intervene but the queen silenced her by firmly holding her hand. With her eyes on Merlin, she said: “Quiet my child. This is something that Gwaine needs to say”.

Unwavering looking into Bayard’s eyes, Gwaine continued. “I bedded her. Instead of leaving her to sleep of her inebriety, I took advantage of her state and made love to her. It was not violent, she seemed willing but, of course, she was not in her right mind in that moment. The following morning I realized what I had done. She was very distraught and ashamed. But the blame was all mine. I am the one who should be ashamed” said Gwaine lowering his head.

Merlin was in an internal turmoil. She wanted to scream to Gwaine. She wanted to say that it was all a lie. That Gwaine would never take advantage of her. Her will was kept at bay by the two hands that were holding hers, the queen’s and Gwaine’s hands pressing hers lightly demanding her acceptance of this horrible lie. But she still had a part to play in this treachery.

“Your actions are truly deplorable Gwaine, but this child could still be from the man in Camelot. How can you be sure of that?” asked the king. 

“Because Merlin had her bleeding soon after she left Camelot and the only man that she had intercourse with after that was me. She told me so” said Gwaine, now looking at Merlin and practically begging with his eyes to her confirm his statement.

It was her turn to seal the deal, to solidify the lie. With shame and guilt written in her eyes and with an almost inaudible voice, Merlin said: “Yes. I … I had my blood a few days after leaving Camelot. This child is his”.

A long silence took the room. 

“Gwaine, I’m truly disappointed with you. You are not the same honorable young man that I came to known years ago” stated the king.

“Bayard, please. At least he is doing the honorable thing now. He is going to marry the girl” stated the queen.

“Breeana, don’t defend him. His actions brings shame to our entire family” said the king almost shouting.

“Bayard, not in front of the servants” said the queen.

“What? Ah, of course” said the king and addressing the servant that had previously served the wine he ordered “LEAVE US. And don’t you dare utter a single word about what you heard here to anyone. GO”. The servant almost run from the room. 

As soon as the doors were closed the king spoke again.

“I’m certain that Uther will know about this conversation in about three days. Two if the servant could find a messenger with a fast horse. You are both safe now. When you arrive Camelot, the paternity of your child will never be contested.”

Merlin was too ashamed to speak. Her head was lowered and fat tears were running down her face. Queen Breeana took in both Merlin’s hands in hers. “Merlin, don’t be ashamed. You will be a mother now and sometimes mothers have to make sacrifices in order to insure their children safety. What happened to you was terrible. But you have now an opportunity to rebuild your life. Don’t feel guilty about my son. Seeing his actions today just made me the most proud mother. I have always know that my boy had the biggest of the hearts. Today was only one proof of that” said the queen.

“Like I said before I will not pretend to understand the reason for both of you to choose Camelot as your home. For your behavior during our little lie, I quite certain that revenge are not in your plans. Am I right, my lady?” asked Bayard.

“Yes … your majesty. I don’t seek for revenge. I just have to … I …” Merlin was at a lost of what to say. She could not tell her true reason to get back to Camelot. But her heart was hurting for what had just happened and her mind could not formulate a plausible excuse. 

“Bayard, mother. We cannot tell you why we are going to live in Camelot but I want you both to know that our motives are not evil. I promise you that” said Gwaine, once again rescuing Merlin. 

After a few moments of silence, Bayard spoke.

“Gwaine, you had fought a lot to keep an impression of a wayward and irresponsible drunk man to other people but you never fooled me. I remember well the brave boy that demanded of me to respect her mother and sisters, to take good care of them. This boy even threatened me if I fail my promise to him. So, I trust you. Whatever your reasons I am sure that they are important. Your mother and I support your choice. I will make certain that you both will be well received by Uther. I will recommend you for a position amoung the knights. Gwaine, you will have to defeat Prince Arthur in a sword skills test but I have no doubt you will be succeeded" stated the king. This time, Gwaine lowered his head to conceal his emotions.

"But before that, we will have a beautiful but reserved wedding ceremony here in Mercia." said the queen. "Now, I think that is quite late and all of us need to rest, specially you, young lady. My king, let’s make our leave”. The queen gave a tender kiss in her son and daughter in law foreheads before leaving the room with her husband. 

Gwaine helped a very distraught Merlin to stand up and taking her hand in his, he escorted her to her chambers. When they arrived to Merlin’s chamber doors the silence of the walk was broken.

“It was Arthur. The one who hurt you, wasn’t he?” asked Gwaine. There was no hatred in his voice, only worry and affection. 

Merlin was startled by the question and she would had denied it but there were too many lies that day. She could only nod. “I’m sorry for not telling you before.”

“My mother said that I have the biggest of the hearts but I think she is wrong. You are the one who has it. You had been risking your life and you will continue doing so for a man that hurt you in one of the vilest ways. I love you, Merlin. And I love you even more for all the pain and sacrifices that you made for the sake of people that would rather see you burned to death just because you are different of them. You are the more selfless person that I know” said Gwaine. 

“But it is my life to sacrifice. And it is my destiny. You shouldn’t have to lose your honor for me. It’s not right” said Merlin. 

“I didn’t lose anything, my bird. You heard what Bayard said. I had quite the reputation before all this. So, don’t worry about me. You should start worrying more about yourself. Now, I think that it is time to your and the little one to rest. Tomorrow we have to face the beasts. And I am referring to that two crazy sisters of mine” said Gwaine, kissing Merlin's hand. “Good night, my dear Merlin”. 

Gwaine waited Merlin enter her room and close her door before make his way to his chambers. Tomorrow would be a great opportunity for him to practice his sword fight abilities. He would give Arthur a test to Knighthood that the prince would never forget.

Alone in her room, Merlin felt tired but she was sure that sleep would evade her that night. Her mind was in a turmoil, her heart was heavy. Walking to the room windows, she looked at the dark sky and the bright moon above. She thought about her life as it was before all this mess. She thought about all the people that suffered for the sake of an ancient prophecy. She thought of all the things, terrible things that she had done to protect the future of Albion. With a sigh, she prayed that one day, Arthur would be able to recognize all the sacrifices that were been made in order to him fulfill his destiny and became the Once and Future King. And for the young witch, the price she was paying were too high. Will’s and Balinor’s lifes, Gwaine’s honour and her soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I really hope all of you enjoy this new chapter. I would like to add that I am not in any way dismissing the severity of a rape. If Merlin chooses to forgive Arthur's actions, this not means that she is condoning him. But I feverly believe that forgiveness is an act that only make us stronger and free. And I know that this noble act is a very difficult one, specially for grave crimes. But sometimes, we have to try to break the circle of revengeful feelings and resentment. And forgiveness could be the first step. What I always loved on the Merlin Series was the goodness of the main character. Merlin could aid anyone. He saved Uther, a king that killed innocent people with no remorse. He saved Morgana's life even when he already knew how evil she had become. And those are just a few examples of Merlin's big heart. I wanted to honour this wonderful character by writing him with the same heart but with the personal strugle of forgivess. Forgiveness not only for Arthur's terrible action but for Merlin's own mistakes also.  
> I would like to say that I trully sorry if anyone is feeling hurt by my views about this delicate and important theme. It was not my intention.  
> Thank you all my beloved readers and I wish you all a merry Christmas and a very very happy new year!  
> Kisses  
> Paula


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